Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life. Well, not small, but circumscribed. And sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I fell in love with Keroac’s On the road, and saw a lot of the country. Do you ever feel you become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's Box of all the secret hateful parts -- your arrogance, your spite, your condescension -- has sprung open. I am on my way today to go get re-evaluated for ocd again,and to maybe be put back on medication. Truthfully… I’m depressed. I’m depressed about my life. I miss my wife and kids. They are in Colorado visiting family this whole week. I still love her ... she broke my heart into pieces but I love her with every breath, but I don’t think after all that has happened in the last 3 weeks, that we can work it out. She really hurt me.It is easier to tell you than someone I physically know. Talking like this is really not my thing. Right now I have no decision-making ability whatsoever. I need to get a job, and can interview to wait tables today between 2-4 pm. It is just something to get me through this month and next. I am just trying to finish school for IT and get my wireless vendors certification.
I am so very sad, and think I have probally been depressed about my life for the last 2 yrs. I hate fighting with my wife and have been about school, work, kids and life in general. So I hold it all in, and explode into a tirade. I vent for 2-5 minutes and then I’m done. I am angry because My wife was chatting online to guys, and she should not have been doing that as a married woman. I have never
Done that to me…it’s a form of cheating. It’s being dishonest. Its that she’s trying to hook up with them. They call on my cell, they send dirty nasty texts. It has been going on for 6 months or so.
Everyone feels sad sometimes, but when i am sad, i eat so I have gained like 50 pounds. I am handling this better than I thought I would. I have to do something though.
I think going to the doctor today is a good choice. I have ignored my ocd because I want it to go away. Out of sight out of mind.
It hasn’t worked out that way.OCD and friggen depression….nice. I am really sad about my marriage. I really want a GOOD marriage---one that is full of affection, intimacy, fun, and sharing. Its not that way. She never told me a thing was wrong. Ever.Its hard to handle. Any suggestions ?