don't feel like i'm number 1

[hognut]

i'm 50 y/o female dating for 3 1/2 years 51 y male he was in a 13 year relationship producing 2 sons he raised after she left about 10 years ago . I was in  a 29 yr marriage (widowed)by 6 yrs with 2 children grown We  both have our own homes paid for. He has a son the lives with him age 25 He talks as if he would like to marry at some point we stay at my house most of the time and i have ask him to move in with me but he just goes around the subject. He is a mama's boy and mom has alot of infleuence in his life. Her and I get along very good. I know he feels committed to his son which doesn't work or even cut grass. my man even does his dishes! I just need some advise as to should i hang in there or get out. Not really seeing any future in this relationship.

[hognut]

talked some last night still working on this. It is a hard nut to crack.. lol

[specialmom]

Ugh.  Those adult kids that want to be little children their whole life is annoying, isn't it?  Have you ever asked him how he felt about his son's issues (work ethic not being very high, low ambition, etc.)?  I mean in a nice way to see if it does indeed bother him.  I'm guessing it does but it is hard when it is your kid and he could get defensive.  But it is something I'd want to know.  If he has no problem with it-----------  that would not be good news for his ability to be with you without him.  If he feels frustrated but trapped----  that is good for you.  

Then you can talk about ideas for how his son can earn a living on his own----  trade school, apprentice, a job he is already qualified for.  

But you have to let him kind of come to the conclusion himself with you only quietly leading him there.  If you are aggressive about it, he will get defensive.

But I agree, it is time for this man to be able to move on from the supportive (literally) father role.  Three and a half years is a long time.  So talk to him.  good luck