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Avatar universal

getting over my ex's happiness

So last year I was with this guy for about 2 months. I moved in with him we had sex. he was my first. I was NOT his first. he left me to visit his family and never came back. We tried the long distance thing for awhile but it didn't work out when my religious beliefs "got in the way." So we stopped talking. Then 6 months after the break up he calls m to see how I am doing. Of course I was still pissed and heart broken that the conversation did not go well.

I am friends with his mom on social media. So, I am scrolling through the feed and then I see her name on my screen with a new baby picture posted. I click to look and come to find out it is my ex's new daughter. Now for the past week, every time  scroll through my feed I see oh look first day home look with aunnty look with daddy. I am happy for him but at the same time we talked about this being us. Us being parents together. And now it is with someone else. I dont know how to deal with my emotions right now. I want to be happy because I like to think that i am a forgiving person, but I also feel like someone is stabbing me through the heart over and over again every time I see him with is beautiful new daughter. I am just not sure how to deal with these feelings about him anymore.
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Being he was your first I am sure you are going through A LOT of pain and heartache.  Unfortunately, men just don't connect in regards to sex like women do.  Plus, you weren't his first.  Then the second mistake was moving in with him.  

With that being said...............

This is the case of "too fast and too soon."  You moved way too fast in the relationship only to have it cool off and end AND now you are hanging on to what was supposed to be.  He is not stabbing you "through the heart;" he moved on.  You two weren't together that long, however, it seems you invested  A LOT of you emotionally because he was your first into this for the short period of time you were together.

Hon, you need to CUT the friendship on social media with his mom.  Do you even have a REAL relationship with her or is it just all social media?  It sounds like you don't have a real relationship with this woman.  Did you just befriend her on FB to keep tabs on her son; your ex?  You aren't even speaking to her son.  CUT the FB scrolling and snooping and MOVE on for your emotional stability.  You need to be COMPLETELY out of this guy's life, not staying connected with his mother.  You NEED closure here.

I can understand things didn't turn out exactly how you thought they would be and you are upset, but that is pretty much life and you just have to find some way of coping with this breakup.  

This guy deserves to be happy and it is apparent he has moved on and now you need to move on and find your happiness with or without a man.

973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Well said by londres.  

I totally agree that it is sad when there is a break up.  They ALWAYS hurt and it is especially hard when they were our first.  But then being a fly on the wall by facebook (or whatever social medium you are on) makes the pain continue to come back.  Yes, absolutely cut ties with his mother.  You've got the picture now, he's moved on.  

We learn from relationships.  Each and every one.  So, agree too that perhaps this relationship with you moved too quickly.  Try to be aware of that next time around.  And sweetie, there will no doubt be another relationship in your future.  Hang in there.  Good luck
Avatar universal
Looking at those pictures is not helping, it's making this worse. The first thing you need to do is stop looking at those pictures. On facebook there's a feature where you can still be "friends" with someone but unfollow their posts so that you don't see their posts, which will solve that problem. Go to her profile and click on "Following" to change it to "Unfollow". That problem is solved.

You were only together for 2 months and you guys moved way too fast with the relationship. You barely even knew each other and you were already living together and talking about marriage and babies. That never ends well.

The biggest issue here is that you're still pining for him and not going out there and living your life. It's really important for you to make the conscious effort to stop yourself from thinking of him. When you find your thoughts going to him, stop and force a distraction by doing something else or call someone or do something to get your mind off of him. And start dating again because it's been over a year and it's time to get back out there to find someone who will also help to get you looking toward the future instead of continually living in the past. Living in the past prevents you from moving forward and living a full and meaningful life.
134578 tn?1602101550
Ditto all the ladies, especially Chima's "living in the past prevents you from moving forward and living a full and meaningful life."  

It sounds like you were less in love with him than in love with a fantasy that you invented for yourself about what was really going on.  Living together in only 2 months?  (The situation foundered on religious differences?  Where were these religious differences when you decided to move in with him?  Did you just sweep them under the rug?)  

If you can, in order to quit pining unrealistically over someone who is demonstrating clearly that he no longer has any interest in being your boyfriend, turn off the spying on social media.  His life is genuinely none of your business.  If you can't bring yourself to do that (and if that is the case, shame on you for not building up a real-life social life that is MUCH MORE interesting than lurking on social media -- get on it!  The real world is a much more fun place than the computer!) -- anyway, if you can't bring yourself to stop pining over him, try this.  Say to yourself, "I love him so much that I thank God for bringing him into a relationship that makes him so happy."  Hard to do?  But if you love him, does not his present happiness, sent to him by God, matter to you as someone with his best interests at heart?  It sounds kind of contrary, but that kind of well-wishing, especially thanking God for sending him joy, can set you free.

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