he wouldnt comfort me even when i cry :(

[laurel11]

hi
im 25 and my boyfriend is 26. we have been together  for 1year. he would sometimes hurt me like, he ll say something stupid like he doesnt love me when we fight,or when he ll cancel a date etc then, when i cry, he wouldnt say "dont cry" he will just ignore me and i feel that he doesnt care.i want him to say "dont cry" and comfort me
i have even requested it.but he wouldnt.what do i do?
and he wouldnt ever buy me a gift unless i ask him to. i want that to change too. i want him to think and buy me something
whats the solution? thanks for helping me

[jo929]

Some men are just not into crying females, they just do not know what to do, also when you have to ask for a gift, it will make him think less of you, are you sure this is the guy you want,  luck  jo

[imanaddict]

You can't change him and trying is a waste of time. You can't make someone care either. It doesn't sound like he does. I have learned a LOT from being in a relationship like yours, and then being married to the man I am with now. I wasted so many years on a man that didn't give a squirt of pi$$ about me and I hope you don't make that same mistake. I, too say ditch him and find someone worthy of YOU. Someone that will worship the ground you walk on.

[teko]

Tears make some men uncomfortable, some will run and put their arms around you and stroke your hair and then there are those that see it as a females manipulation or are down right uncormfortable with it. Just depends on the person. My husband knows, if I get to the point of tears, he better run and not look back. So, if I do cry, he knows something is seriously wrong.  I also know women that do use tears to manipulate tho, and i HAVE ALWAYS ENVIED THEM!

[Vance2335]

Ditch the chump. He is not comforting and says hurtful things, does not sound like he has your best interet at heart or he is very insecure and uses that as a defense.

[mami1323]

He is the way he is.  Maybe he doesn't know how to give that kind of comfort and support.  If someone wants to change their behavior they will do it because they want to, not because someone is telling them to.  Obviously he doesn't wish to do that for you.  It's unfortunate but that's the way he is and if you've known this for a year and accepted it for a year than he won't change.  If you are unhappy with it, you either leave him and hope that he understands that his inability to show love, comfort and support when you are down is the reason and changes his approach so that you can be together or you leave him and look for a man who has these qualities already instilled in him.  My fiance, although comforted me when I was sad, was very unaffectionate during our entire relationship (6 years), it took 1 year of couples counseling to change that.  And he WANTED to change.  Good luck.

[laurel11]

thanks but whenever im down, even when i cried when my dad died he didnt comfort me. i expect his emotional support when im down

[Judy246]

Hi Laurel,

Men and women are different in the emotional department. We express them and they don't (not all, but most). Guy's don't like women that seem emotinallyweak and needy and some guys, just don't know how to respond  when a  woman falls apart in front of them. I once has a b/f who broke down in front of me and I just wanted to tell him to "stop it". I found it uncomfortable and wanted him to just stop. Also, learn how to argue avoiding language that is hurtful and scaring. When couples argue and intentionally say mean things just to shut the other person up and end the argument,   results in bitter feelings and changing the dynamics of the relationship to a negative one.

When the ocean settles so to speak, have a talk with him and tell him that  you don't appreciate his intentional hurtful comment and if he really doesn't love you, then you both need to re-evaluate your relationship. Next time he becomes verbally abuse,, just walk away and let him continue fighting with the air and don't give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry or fall apart in front of him. You give him power over you, when you become needy and he will know how to push your buttons to shut you up.

Good luck...Judy