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help In laws coming to live with me

Since I have rational mind I have wanted to live by myself. I was born in a country where is a necesity to live with your family for lack of homes. I finally moved to the US and got a great job my husband and I are very happy here in our new rented apartment. Well my inlaws just got a green card and after 2 years in this country where we are still growing they are moving with us. They are coming with the expectations of not working so we will support them. My husbands wage is 1/3 of mines so he cant support them, i need to help and with that all my lifestyle and dreams are dying, no clothes, no travel no nothing, plus we still dont have kids so I dont know how that will be possible if we already have two people to suport. I am truly thinking in runnin away. Living with my husband and creating a family was my dream come true since ever And is a prority to me something I wont give up with only 33 years old. Please help i just want to run away and never look back i really love him but I think my life will be over after this...
12 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry.  How does your husband feel about it?  I think you have to be honest with him that this is not what you want.  That you can go to the United States and start a life but it is too much to ask for you to take on his parents full time both financially and just physically, living with them.  It is noble to take care of one's parents but we also have to consider ourselves and our sanity.  So, see where your husband is at with this.  Let me know what he says.  
480448 tn?1426948538
I agree with sm, about where your husband is at with all of this?

Running away isn't the answer.  Hopefully, if your hubby agree with how you feel, then there are going to have to be boundaries and limits set with his parents.  HE will need to have a discussion with them that while you're happy to help them out as they get settled, it won't be a permanent arrangement (you both will have to set a deadline that you can both live with) and they will be expected to pitch in, both financially, and with helping around the house.  If they are coming to the US to live, they have to understand that their customs may not be compatible with American life.  That what's "normal" in their home country, is not the norm here.

You actually MAY have a legit out also.  You state you're renting an apartment.  Most leases will contain specific verbiage about who (and how many people) are allowed to live in the dwelling while you're leasing it.  I would look at your lease.  It might very specifically state that you're renting an apartment for just the two of you.  You could be possibly putting your lease in jeopardy by letting them stay there for any length of time.  If you DO put them up at all, I would definitely put it in writing with your landlord, so you don't get into any trouble.

Good luck to you, hope it works out!
13167 tn?1327194124
Since you aren't pregnant or have kids,  you have a lot of freedom here to make your decision.

That would be a deal breaker for me.  It's unreasonable for him to expect you to house his parents forever in your house while you are the breadwinner.

Some people want to do that,  and that's perfectly fine.

But you don't.  In fact,  you've made life changing decisions in order to avoid this exact situation.

I'd leave.

And actually,  that would solve that,  since he can't afford to house himself and his parents on his salary apparently.

Best wishes.
Avatar universal
This is so unimaginable and unfair to you! They are not your parents, hence not your responsibly to financially support them in their lazyness! If I was in your position I would be furious and I would not allow this. Who do these people think they are, that they think they can just come here, not work, and require their daughter in law pay for everything for them? How about NO!

You've worked way too hard to get to where you are now. This is going to ruin everything you've worked so hard to build for yourself! I would tell your husband that the answer is NO. You will NOT be their personal savings and loan just so they can sit around and do nothing. I wouldn't wish that kind of life on my worst enemy! If your husband won't budge then tell him you're through and he needs to find some other way to fund his parents lazyness. The nerve of those people!
Avatar universal
He is good son, the issue here is that his brother who is been living in us for 12 years was the one that put the papers for them to come, now he cant support them, or live in his home. My inlaws are good people but they are not used to the work here and they are not healthy. His brother didnt ask our opinion but since we dont have kids and he didnt step in my husband make me rent a 2 bedroom apartment, that was my mistake. Now he understands me buy he doesnt know what to do in case they find jobs they cant afford to live by themself rent etc, since they dont know english their wages will be probably low if not 0. I dont see how to put a deadline on this. My rent ends on june, by then I will decide if we split, I want to give them a chance but I dont think they will be able to leave my home for good, it is hard to leave  my husband like that but I dont want this to be my life forever. I have too much anger with his brother in law who did this to us and now my husband doesnt ask anything from him, they will need, healthcare because they are old and can ruin us all. I dont know a way out. For me the solution woulb be to send them back to their country where they wont have to work and they have an apartent. My brother in law did this without thinking the consequences and I think this will destry my marriage, i cant think or sleep thinking my life will become at the end on the same thing ive been runing away from. Thank you for your comments, at least i know iam not wrogn to be thinking in leaving him
973741 tn?1342342773
I think you are an intelligent woman that knows your limits.  I would lay this out exactly like this to your husband.  That this could destroy us.  That you aren't trying to be selfish but realistic about the kind of life you want to have.  I would be very clear with him.  And I'd do it before his parents come because if you leave him after his parents are here-----  that would really put all in a huge bind.  This is something for him to know.  That you see this situation as one that you may not be able to endure and wonder if you would not be happier on your own.  That you love him and do not want to leave him but that this is too much to ask of you.  

good luck and do come back and let us know how this discussion goes.  
13167 tn?1327194124
So about the green card.  Didn't the brother in law have to apply for their green card and promise to sponsor them?  

Do you have to redo the green card to have them come here,  or is it the kind of thing that the brother in law can just kind of say well they'll be living at my brother's house?
3149845 tn?1506627771
I think just to stop for a minuite and switch positions. Suspose this was you family that had this issue, would you be so opposed then? Please dont compare apples to apples here, Just look as this as a straight question and put you in your husbands shoes.
Avatar universal
What country are you originally from?

Why run away?  Just walk away from this; end it.

Taking care of a bunch of free loaders doesn't sound great.

Ditto NG and Chima.
Avatar universal
Yes thats exactly what he will do, if they get sick is on his house and he will be in debt buy hes been plannin on paying a ver cheap health insurance if they dont work about 40 each he doesnt want them to work because of that and what about the other expenses???
Avatar universal
I would talk to them and tell them to wait until our position here is strong, we dont have savings for a home, our cars are old, weve been thinking on buying a place but still need to save, with them here that will be impossible...we ve only here for two years...
Avatar universal
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