hot and cold

Question

I have been talking with this guy for a while. We have been friends for a long time and he recently asked me out. We have been on a few dates and it's been fun. Though lately he's been acting hot and cold with me. One day he'll be cool and just act like himself and the next day he won't talk to me. I don't understand why he acts like this and have asked him a few times if something is wrong or what's going on, but he doesn't respond. In the last two days, he's been giving me the 'silent treatment' and won't talk to me. I am so confused as to why he's doing this and have just given up trying to get him to talk to me. It hurts me that he won't talk to me and I still care about him a lot, but am just really tired of it all. Should I keep trying to work on this relationship, or should I just end it and leave?

sweetpea03 · Answer

thanks. :)

I stopped talking to him for a while. Though yesterday, he sent me a Valentine's text in the morning saying " Happy Valentine's Day love!" then added that he wanted to take me out to dinner that night. I agreed. So we went out that night it was a lot of fun. It reminded me of before things were complicated like they are now. He was actually just himself. We tend to bicker a lot, kind of like an old couple according to my friend. I think the quote in the movie the Holiday explains it best about how I feel: "Because you're hoping you're wrong. And every time she does something that tells you she's no good, you ignore it. And every time she comes through and suprises you, she wins you over, and you lose that argument with yourself, that she's not for you." Except for that it's a he. I'm hoping that he won't go back to being hot and cold since he's fine now, but who knows. The guy just confuses me.

heatherlynn22 · Answer

he's a boy. boys are weird. my husband was like that at first. he confused the h3ll out of me. we'd date he'd dump me, we'd date again, break up again. it was chaotic the first 6 months. but like you and your bf we were friends first. we've actually been friends since we were 6. so our relationship now...it's great...but..lol...we still treat each other like friends as well as lovers. we have beautiful 6 month old twin boys and a great life. sit him down and just ask him...what his deal is. that's the only way to get it situated. boys....will be boys. and sometimes they're just plain difficult.

Trialanderror · Answer

I would move on as well. You don`t want your emotions to depend on someone so unpredictable - and there could be so many reasons for him acting that way. Bottom line: he has issues. At least a communication issue. Don`t go there.

iam1butterfly · Answer

Being conflicted, confused, unsure or insecure may account for the hot/ cold mixed signals. So, whatever's up with this guy is anyone's guess. He sounds kind of rude and dismissive to me. But, giving him the benefit of a doubt, he may have other issues going on in his life... that has nothing to do with you. Ask him directly, "... did I do or say something to offend you?" If he answers, no... then, give him no more than 2 weeks to "warm up." (I say this only because you apparently like him). But, if nothing happens; and, he keeps giving you the "cold shoulder" and the "silent treatment" ... don't put up with it... move on!

pcarsey · Answer

sweetpea- Of all relationships, those that began as a friendship first can and sometimes do get very complicated not long afterward. They are also sometimes the hardest ones to get over, because it usually never is the same in the friendship department afterward. Sometimes when we have friends that we really have a good time with, we think "hmm, I bet it would be great if we hooked up", but then after the relationship gets established, you add more to the "hey buddy, lets go have some fun and hang out tonight". There is added pressure to be on your best behavior at first because you are trying to work out not only as friends anymore, but a couple. 

It sounds to me like he is getting rather run down being the "boyfriend" and maybe wants to go back to just being friends but doesn't know how to now. It might be hard but you can do it, it does sometimes happen.

You could call him..... and offer to not talk as a semi-couple but as old time friends and talk about the relationship that you are now dealing with. You could even try talking about yourself in the 2nd or  3rd person. Like, I have this friend who is dating this guy and he has been acting really strange lately and she doesn't know what to do about it.

Try something like that.. either way.. it looks like he is losing interest in the "relationship".

Good Luck!

RockRose · Answer

sweetpea,  I wouldn't spend one more minute on this relationship.  Who knows what his deal is - if he has massive mood swings,  or if he's a master manipulator,  or what.  

This is torture.  Walk away.