You don't say how long you've been married . From experience I've had , it could be he has lost the excitement between the two of you . Yes maybe he is getting off on pron . You need to talk to him for sure . We had this problem along with other problems 20 years ago . Caused my wife to cheat or at least part of it. I didn't want to hurt her,and tell her I had lost interest in her sexually . I did love her still though .
We look back now and wish we could change the past so bad . All it would have taken was some very truthful communication . Either her telling me what she was needing badly or I her . But instead of that we just went along pretending nothing was wrong . Eventually she started having an affairs .
In the end that was SO much more painful then what some communication would have been back then ! We were as the saying goes "young an dumb " !
I can certainly understand this being upsetting for you, but are you really ready to toss away the whole marriage and break up your childrens' home over this? Especially when the problem hasn't even been addressed yet? What if it IS a medical problem? Would you be "done" then too?
I think that if he is saying it's a medical issue, then he needs to consult a physician, but I'm in agreement that I find it suspicious that he can get an erection and ejaculate when he stimulates himself. Like Londres mentioned, this may be a result of excessive masturbation and/or porn.
If a medical problem is ruled out, I think you need to have a very honest discussion with him, and tell him you are literally ready to throw in the towel over this. You may suggest couples therapy, or sex therapy, or both.
Just don't be so quick to want to run out the door when you haven't even begun to try to get to the bottom of this, or work through it. Marriage takes work. You will encounter MANY challenges along the way, some which are harder to deal with than others. You have children together, which means you work extra hard to figure things out.
Best of luck.
I would say since he can do this for himself, it's not a medical problem.
And since you have children together, it hasn't always been this way.
Sounds to me like it may be emotional, a reaction to something in the relationship.
Is this really a "medical" problem or something else, i.e. Porn? Sounds suspicious of a problem with porn or he is masterbating excessively.....either way it is bad news for you.
If he suspects it is a medical issue he needs to be consulting his physician.
What do you think it is that he will NOT admit to?
He probably prefers to masturbate as it might be something he's use to.Some men prefer this rather then their partners touch.You should both discuss this in therapy.