insecurity

[jmarie_d91]

About 2 months ago, I found my husbands porn folder when I was downloading pictures on his computer. That wouldn't bother me except in the folder was provocative pictures of a friend of mine she posted on Facebook. I'm so hurt that he would look at pictures of my friends. When I confronted him, his first reaction was shock because apparently he had the folder hidden. I can't get the thought out of my head and now when ever she talks to me, I find myself angry and resent her.
I know I'm being ridiculous but what should I do to get over this?

[strongandsmart25]

I disagree with the "don't get mad" approach. I'd be mad as hades and I would tell him how I felt using "I" statements (I feel hurt, I feel sick, I feel confused) and ask him what on earth he was thinking in as nice a way as I could.

I do agree with the first post about Intimacy issues - sounds like this is just a symptom of something deeper.

And yes, what kind of "friend" is it of yours that posts pictures of herself that you would put in the same class as pornography (??) Yuck. Do you guys not have kids, etc? So tacky and gross.

[specialmom]

I think the problem I had was the downloading pics of her friend.  That would cross the line for me and is way too personal.  I'd be really upset and hurt to find pics of my friends to be part of my husband's sexual fantasies.  Like, buy a playboy or something.  

[jen_ortiz]

U should start watching porn with him it might spice up ur sex life !!!!!

[Makayda]

First of all you are not being ridiculous, at all. I know then in this society we all accept that men watching porn is the norm. But it definitely is a problem in relationships. It can get out of hand, become an addiction, screw up their ideas about love or their expectations from you sexually or even make them depend on sex from it and not you. I can also lead to infidelity. It just complicates things. I would have a serious talk with your husband and be honest about how it makes you feel. He shouldn't have anything on his computer that he feels he needs to hide especially from you. And vice versa. You have every right to be hurt and upset but it's all about how you Handel it. Don't accuse him or yell, just talk to him and tell him how it made you feel.  I'm sure you have felt with it already because my response is late but I wanted to comment. Good luck

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Oh gosh, I'd be so very hurt and upset too sweetie.  I mean, he downloaded pics of your friend into a hidden folder?  Slightly creepy.  Do not blame your friend (although a little self absorbed to post provacative pics of yourself . . .  weird in my opinion and would make me feel she was way too into herself and maybe not my kind of gal)----  she just posted pics of herself for the world to see.  Your husband took it and ran with it all on his own.  I probably would not have her over to dinner any time soon with your husband around as that would make you have feelings of jealousy.  It would be too awkward.

What is important here is what is going on with your husband.  Does he have other fantasy files?  What drove him to download the pics?  Why is he crossing the boundary of one of your friends becoming a sexual fantasy for him?  That is hurtful----  is he not able to draw any lines with his sexual desires regarding what would crush you and what wouldn't?  

How is the state of your marriage?  Any intimacy issues, problems that resurface over and over?  I'd consider going to a marriage counselor to discuss any feelings you have or issues the relationship has.  And I'd watch this man like a hawk.  That is creepy what he did----  he lost trust.  Watch him.  good luck dear.  It sound hard and I"m sure you are sad.