is porn destroying us?

[larmes]

we just had a baby girl and just moved in to a place, for a year. I had a c-section, so sex hasn't been present for a few weeks. It sickens me to find out that while I take care of the baby and try to recuperate, he's clicking on things like "teen **** gets ****** hard", and buying magazines with naked blonds sucking dicks. He admited having a problem a year ago, but I didn't understand the severity of it until a few month ago. I was hoping we could re-discover sex together, *** like never before since it's been so long but no...I understand he even left me at the hospital for a few hours during my stay there, to go and jerk off!!!!
I wish it didn't bother me, that the whole "unconditonal love" thing would help in this..but it doesn't. Every time he touches me lately I feel sick. It took me a while to want to sleep with him, especially after I found out about his problem. What's the use of us having sex? I masturbate too granted, but I don't need porn, I think of him! That's what's pathetic! I don't want to be intimate with him anymore. I've felt like this many times, but now especially NOW, I just can't. where will our relationship go???
I even went down on him, as I was aching everywhere, thinking "hey he deserves it!", and the next thing I know he didn't need it after all.
He is defensive about it and secretive. But I have ways to know, and he doesn't know it.
how can I express this to him, in a way that makes him want to stop???????

[PromisedLand]

well, thank you and best of luck to you



Jim

[larmes]

wow I haven't been around for a while...but your comments are very caring and I really appreciate them.
The issue hasn't changed obviously...and I am too distracted (thankfully) with my lovely daughter to care about our relationship and its issues...hope that doesn't sound awfulllllll.....thanks again i will use your advice when i can focus on "us".....
cheers

[PromisedLand]

a year or so ago I was hooked on porn.  long story as to why but my wife asked me if I was viewing porn and I confessed I was...and ignoring her....it came down to "It's me, or porn"....that was 9 months ago and I haven't looked at the stuff since, and have actually become outspoken against it.....

our relationship has improved but I know she was and still is hurt by the experience and that hurts me deeply as I love her more than anything....

Let him know you've had enough, you deserve better and if you're prepared for a possible negative response, issue an ultimatum.  no man should ignore his wife for the garbage on the video/computer screen or a magazine and should consider how those women are treated when the camera is off..

Jim

[angelbabies]

my partner sounds smiler, since we got together 5 years ago he was looking at it on the net and i found out after i had my 1st miscarriage i was very depressed after and with this on top i felt like i just wasn't good enough, i then had 2 more m/c's and he continued to do it and it made me feel so bad about my self it was like he was kicking me when i was already down, i then walked inon him watching it while i was pregnant with our daughter and as every woman feels when pregnant i was huge and unattractive and our sex life was not good coz of me having the baby, the last time was about a month ago, im always checking the history on the pc, he has damaged my confidence and our relationship.....the amount of time iv told him to go because of it! and it never stops.....its the same every time " i wont do it agen, i dont know why, i love you" blah blah blah..........iv told him that he needs talk to someone and sort it out or im gone! i feel as it is disrespectful to look at anouther person in that way while ur ment to be inlove with someone else! i dont get it! i feel as if he has been unfaithful to me! ur not the only one......i totaly get how u feel! x

[teko]

Porn has been around for a long long time. I remember when men only had magazines and would have a hiding place for them. Porn will always be available, and I dont think porn itself is the issue. I think the issue is more with the person viewing it and the priority it has in their lives. Obviously your man has his priorities screwed up. I think you owe it to yourself and your relationship to face this issue head on. You need to let him know how you feel and try to get to the bottom of his infatuation with it. I have seen more than a few marriages go by the wayside because of it. Anything that is put over the marriage/relationship of two people can destroy a marriage if not looked at, talked about, worked on, and put in the right place. Personally, I do not understand why porn should be in a relationship period, but then thats me.