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living

I've lived with my gf for five years and I'm sick of living across the country from my family she don't want to move to were my family is and I don't wantto live were her family is. I hate her family she hates mine I'm at a loss we also have a kid together. In one place I hate life were she likes it vice verca please any advice would be amazing.  About to leave her I'm do unhappy with her and her family.thanks in advance
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Avatar universal
Thanks for all the advice and out side perspective I've talked to her about all the tax rates the college for are son would be free in fl and showed that houses electric and all is cheaper. Not saying that that's the only reason we should move. Yes lol I do do the I hate your grandma thing allot lol. I've been stressed to the point of were I do say I'm just leaving I'm done she says your not trash you wouldn't do that and its basically end of conversation. We do go to consoling but at first it was because I went threw a long bout of anxiety over my health being I have ms and extra pathways in my heart that make it skip and do weird things but its benign just scares the daylights out of me . But it ended up she seen that there was more there the stress behind it all weve talked about it all and nothings working all that well I've made my mistakes I still make them and she thinks that I'm always saying that my family is perfect when I know there not they just don't run my life and try to let me live as were her ma and grandma tell us how. Idk I'm just getting frustrated with the hole thing the more I think. I no couples all have problems but we've been together six years and I'm 24 now I'm not happy were I'm at and she is content I want more and she's settled
Helpful - 0
3060903 tn?1398565123
I'm wondering if you could get through to her saying , we've lived here for 5 years, and now it's time that we moved to Florida for 5, because, it's only fair?
Would your wife go to a marriage counselor with you, where you can express how you're feeling?
Are you working? Can you get the time off work , and can you afford to go home for a holiday? It really sounds like you need to get home for a holiday at least, with or without your wife, and baby girl.
Maybe instead of breaking up and just getting out, you could look for work in Florida, and have a long distance relationship for awhile?
Do you think that your wife would leave you, for any of the above? Is she the type to want to make things work? If so, you have a bit of leverage you could use to uproot her.

Helpful - 0
4522800 tn?1470325834
I am sorry to hear this. I am not going to say much about the relationships but I am going to say that the stress & drama can take you right back to Drinking..And then it will be all down hill..I know for sure that you do not need to live like this with someone who thinks they can walk in at anytime..That is bad. I sure wish You and your family the Best..I would differently move from where U are at..BUT not sure where..Just need to get out!!
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, first let me say GOOD for you for making some life changes for the sake of  your kid.  That is fantastic and I have much respect for you for doing that.  You sound like a sensitive person trying to lead a good life.  I so appreciate people like you!

Well, I do think right off the bat that getting out of the grandmother's house is essential.  What about a place in the same city but not living with any family.  Then boundaries are better set and you are more 'away' from them.  ???  That is what I'd demand as a first step if moving seems like a bigger obstacle.  Start looking around for what you can afford.  Get some ideas and make it a 'next step for us in a positive direction' kind of thing rather than "I freaking can't stand your grandma".  She'll go for it more that way and really, it can be fun to look for a separate place together.  She can look for what she likes (I wanted an eat in kitchen open to the family room so I could see the kids and my husband wanted a nice size garage.  We got a house with both and compromised on all the other stuff regarding the house).  I would work that angle along with showing her what the option is in Florida.  Show her what the housing is like (can sit down with her and a computer and show her the property (properties)), show her the tax rates, show her exactly what you are talking about.  Talk about how she can call her mom every day in Florida too (and make sure she can if that is her routine and she likes it).  That you'd have X amount of help from your family with your child.  And if she hates it, you guys can always move back.  

She grew up with much drama it sounds like and that's what she is used to.  it is hard for you but her 'normal'.  Ugh.  I hope that doesn't pose life long relationship problems with the two of you.  

So, at the very least, you should move as soon as possible from your present place to get out of Grandma's house!
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Avatar universal
Well there kinda evil most her aunts and uncles are nice its her mom and grandma and we stay above her grandma. There not nice people her mom sleeps around and uses are kid to help her with guys. Her kids are just terrible they hit her she hits them back they swear at each other constantly all in front of my which is three. But they can just walk in when ever they want because we have the apartment upstairs her grandma tells use she can do what ever she wants with are kid because its her house.
     My family lives in fl wile her family lives in NY we would have are own place there in fl land school houses taxes everything is cheaper I figured my kids three it would be the best time to up root instead of living with these people its starting to take its role on everything in my opinion. By no means my family isn't perfect  either but they try to be good people with there flaws and at least work on them. We do have problems in are relationship to as raising are kid is number one she likes the drama of dealing with her mom calling her every night complaining about something. I partied a lot before my kid was born and there for a few months after but quit drinking entirely and changed that. I like to hang with my family a lot so I think that'd be a problem just at a lose
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there.  Well, I'm concerned because you say you don't like living with HER and her family.  You included your girlfriend.  Does that mean you have some relationship problems?  This could be more about that than dislike of her parents.  

I think it is really hard.  I have kids and I tell you, the help and connection to family is really wonderful.  Kids want to bond with cousins and grandparents/aunts/uncles.  It's really a great thing.  And I can love anyone that loves my kids.  I really can because I see the beauty of their receiving love and having a relationship outside of mom and dad.  

It is hard to uproot someone.  

I'm just wondering if there aren't some things you can work on to make you more happy where you are at.

While it is nice to compromise, I just fear the kids miss out on important family things by living near no family.  And you and your girlfriend lose some support and help.  

What is it you dislike about her family?  Let's start there.  
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Why don't you suggest moving somewhere halfway between your parents?  This way it's equidistant for either of you to go visit your parents but you won't have to deal with each others' sets of parents, whom you both obviously don't like.
Helpful - 0
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