Relationships Community
6.42k Members
574170 tn?1277941303

me being bi

I dont undstand why if  a lady loves me and care for me that she can not exsept me being bi it has been 4 yrs since i been with a man
63 Responses
Avatar universal
I read your other post and did ans it maybe the lady is afraid if you are bi you may not be true to her, and that alone promotes the problem, she may be afraid that you will take off with a man in the future  jo
145992 tn?1341345074
I agree with jo, it is the uncertainty of it all.  Maybe she just doesn't agree with same sex relationships.  I think I would be thrown off if my man told me he has slept with men.  I would fear that one day he would tell me he was 100% gay at some point.
574170 tn?1277941303
I just asking she know that be for she was dateing that I was with a man what gets me is that she love and care about me but she wanted to leave
145992 tn?1341345074
Well if she knew it before hand then something else is up.  Either she couldn't handle it all of a sudden or there was another reason for her leaving.  How long were you two together?
13167 tn?1327194124
cowboy,  you've got the strangest post history.

Your girlfriend has been in the hospital 4 weeks - but you're trying to get pregnant together - and this post says she left you - one post says she has a tube in her lungs and maybe lung cancer,  the other says she has a pacemaker . .

Maybe all this is true and you just kind of bounce from topic to topic and mood to mood,  but it sounds like it doesn't all fit together.
574170 tn?1277941303
if u read the hole thing i think you would under stand that I for got to add
13167 tn?1327194124
cowboy,  you posted today a question about when you can have sex with her,  taking into account her heart condition,  because you both want a baby.  

Somehow I really think there is some kind of truth to all your posts - I'm not calling them hoaxes,  but really.  If she's dumped you and is in the hospital with a trach and a pacemaker - it seems like an unnecessary question to ask when you two can start trying to conceive.

Best wishes -
285848 tn?1219092313
My boyfriend used to be bi...I don't know if he still considers himself that way since he has never been "with" a man, but experimented and enjoyed, and not for years! He likes women much more but is not afraid to talk about men. I have accepted this and I still find it weird sometimes, but I love him more then anything in the world. Maybe your girlfriend has a hard time accepting that you find males attractive? I can understand how she could feel this way but its hard to explain. I don't think there's any bigger blow then being left for the opposite sex...maybe she's just afraid like jo929 said? The thought has crossed my mind before and had risen some momental fear, but it normally subsides when I am around him and he has no intention of leaving me, or being attracted by a male.
Avatar universal
i did not read all of your posts i guess i missed all of that about your girlfriend being sick and all of the others i only have read 2 if i had of read all of this, i cant blame her for leaving she has many problems and as for you trying to get her Preg, maybe she has to much on her plate to deal with you, and your problems  would it not be better to wait untill you get married and then have children? that will give you time to sort out who and what you are, and what you want out of life  luck  jo  
145992 tn?1341345074
I remember you posting about your boyfriend and his so called "best friend" who always gets upset when he doesn't spend time with him.  I think his name was Joey but I'm not sure.  Anyway, we all told you that it seemed strange and that it sounds like your boyfriend and him may have more than just a friendship.  Seeing here that you said he was or is bi makes it a little clearer.  Do you think that possibly he is seeing Joey on the side?  Maybe that's why he isn't capable of giving his all to you?  Please don't get upset with me saying this but it kind of makes it a little clearer now.
Avatar universal
This is a silly question but having seen so many screwed up relationships end because after their were kids involved why should anyone commit to someone whose bi, when the bisexual person can't commit to one sex?
574170 tn?1277941303
you dont have to worrie about me posting anying thing aging u all dont understand at all there are a few that understand I am not the best when it put my feelings and what is going on on a fourm but I feel like you all are hateing I just stop posting and all so you or any one easl
152852 tn?1205713426
Since cowboy is gone, I won't comment to him, but I wanted to jump in and say, "What mami said, Jame."  That is definitely something to consider--I would suspect there is most likely something more to his friendship with his best friend.  Straight guys don't behave that way with each other.
145992 tn?1341345074
I found the old post.  I think you need to take a closer look at your relationship Jame.  Just a heads up.    http://www.medhelp.org/posts/show/454989?personal_page_id=4091&post_id=post_2600970
152852 tn?1205713426
I replied to the other thread, but didn't realize it was on the Maternal and Child board--it will likely get buried there since the board it so fast-moving.
460185 tn?1326077772
I think that often being bisexual gets confused with being gay/lesibian.  There is still a debate about whether sexual preference is genetic or "chosen".  Doesn't really matter.  You're a human being and deserve to be treated with respect.  The above posts don't seem disrespectful to me - they seem genuine.

Hope you re-consider leaving MH.  If you leave, wouldn't you prefer it to be on your terms rather than leaving because you feel that no one understands?  People who do understand, don't always post comments.  As for contradicting yourself, who doesn't?  IMHO our emotions cause us to get confused about details.

Hugs to you


365714 tn?1292199108
Along with being bi, you can be asexual... At least I am... That's not having a sexual prefrence for either...  Just don't have an interest in sex period...never did...
Avatar universal
well i dont understand you ,..............you sent me a pm saying  why?did i say what i did on here to you  ,............i dont know what u are talking about cowboy ,..........because i have not been on here ,...........if you look up your page you will see ,............this is my frist time to post on here ,.................you must be thinking of someone else ,..........but were does that leave me ,............after you sending me thet mess ,.....................
Avatar universal
There is a genetic element-IN A VERY FEW gay men.  Unless something new has come out there is not a genetic component in lesbian women just an extension of the monkey grooming instinct and a variation in what and how things get groomed.

Most evidence to date in non genetic gay men point to two things.

A) Social- Overpopulation.
B) Family- Usually a domineering mother figure and an incomplete bonding at crucial younger ages with a male role model (preferably the father)
460185 tn?1326077772
I'm not sure I completely understand what you are saying - sorry, sometimes my brain doesn't work on Sundays  = )

First, the monkey or ape grooming issue - I thought that was NOT genetic.

Second, I have personally thought being gay or lesbian was a choice.  A number of gays and lesbians have told me that they "knew" they were "queer" (that's the word they use at the university - no offence to anyone).  There are theories that men are gay for altruistic reasons, as you mentioned overpopulation.

Third, the domineering mother figure, according to studies, can also "cause" men to hate women and can sometimes result in not only abuse but serial killing.  That's not necessarily what I believe but there were some studies done to that effect - I can look them up if you want.

Fourth, - there is no fourth.  I don't have a great belief in genetics with respect to behavior.  But that's a debate in itself, isn't it.

Thank you for your interesting comments.  I enjoyed reading them.

Avatar universal
Regarding the need for touch.  Refer to the experiments with the the skinner babies done decades ago.

Overpopulation altruism?  This is another biological social trigger.  Quite honestly check your history gay men and women make the best shock troops largely because the desire to POTENTIALLY reproduce is an extension of the self preservation instinct.  Altruism has nothing to do with it never has.

Who said gay men hate women?  It would be more apt to say that have a fear or desire to be involved in the same type of relationship their father had at a subconcious level and their mother has assumed the role model of what a partner should be..

THe genetic argument?  Well they actually have a genetic marker that is linked to homosexuality in SOME gay men.  Not however in MOST that they have tested.
Avatar universal
omg. there is no fourth. lol
484465 tn?1532214032
"not a genetic component in lesbian women just an extension of the monkey grooming instinct and a variation in what and how things get groomed."  LOL

this was hilarious!  never thought of it that way
460185 tn?1326077772
I've heard of the Skinner "experiments" but am not completely familiar with them.  I am somewhat familiar with more "experiments" (which I personally find unethical) regarding touch and just born primates.  But can we extrapolate primate behavior onto humans?  Just a question.

Overpopulation altruism - again this isn't my belief.  It came from E.O. Wilson who's presently "untrendy".  My "history" of gay men didn't come from books; it came from men who claimed to be gay or what they prefer to be called in the university here "queer" men - and women.  If you do read Wilson, he claims that "gay men" - he doesn't refer to women - suppress their desire to reproduce for what he calls altruistic reasons.  Not sure I agree with the reproduction as a biological imperative or self-preservation.  That seems like biological determinism to me and that is something I really don't agree with.

I said gay men "hate" women in response to the domineering mother statement.

Women are devalued in this society and a lot of the stigma attached to gays is because they are "like women", not because gay men hate them.

Referring to the genetic argument again - do you remember the extra "Y" chromosome that was thought to be related to criminal behavior?  That was disproved by another study that found that XYY males were just as well represented to "acceptable" behavior and did not necessarily show any greater tendency towards aggression than the "XY" male.  That's just one of the reasons genetics and genetic markers aren't something I really believe in.  Genetic markers might be triggered by environmental factors - that's still being studied.

Maybe I should add that I don't always believe in studies either.  In most cases, researchers are going to find whatever the organization is who funds them wants them to find or lose their funding.

These are just opinions.  I KNOW I don't know even a fraction of what there is to know about human sexual preferences.

Have an Answer?
Top Relationships Answerers
13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
3060903 tn?1398565123
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
For people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the COVID-19 pandemic can be particularly challenging.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Here’s how your baby’s growing in your body each week.
These common ADD/ADHD myths could already be hurting your child