She hides a problem

[guessingx]

Hey everyone, thanks for reading.  -Ok so I've known this girl since elementary and we are now attending college. We are not married and are still going strong. So let me say that since a little after our first year together we've been having a great sex life. It started as, as much as possible, to multiple times a week, to a few days of a month, and now its been a number of months without sex. At first it was all slowing down because of visiting eachother without being completely alone. And just a few months ago when we really stopped, its been her decision alone. But aside from sex she doesn't kiss me the a way she used to, its now narrowed down to a quick two or three, and four at the most. Its that way in public as well as when were alone when were at her front door when I drop her off after college. It seems that we rarely share a makeout. I've asked her before and she had said that she feels that there's no need to "always" show me how much she loves me in that way. She used to kiss me and laugh through her nose ( if you know what I mean) to show that she wanted to stop. She didn't know that I knew that, but I can take a hint. That all stopped though a few months ago. But I'd bring it up and tell that it ticked me off. She still shows me that she honestly cares about me and everything and I'm Always showing her.   A few months ago she decided to break up with over the idea that doing so would allow her to be out with friends more. She said that she felt guilty to be away from me for family. But that whole thing lasted less than a day. And now she thinks that it was a huge mistake to do that. She was very distant right before that happened and its gotten a little better since then but its still a little on that page. Since then its like I don't feel comfortable about starting anything close with like the way it used to be. I try to get things going but it always feels like its too much at the time. Its really not though. And she doesn't seem to try on her end. If she does, it seems that it every few blue moons. Things were very perfect for us before and seems that it all changed right in front of me. Sex is something sacred now. In mornings before we take off to college I really feel that I want to be close to her, I try something but never too much. It might work but the next morning its like she tries to avoid me, it feels like she does it to keep it from happening again.   She once said a while back that it always seems like I want to make out with her, who would? After being avoided from for an extended time? I will never be the cheating type so I'd guess that I'd have to suck it up and hold myself back. - to clarify on the breakup, she tells me now that she's in it til the end. Hopefully she stays to her word this time.   Financially I'm a little stuck right now and don't have an official set of my own four wheels. But for all the years I've known her, she is very understanding about it.        So I'm stuck with looking in different directions and don't see the reason of our pause. I recently asked if we were still comfortable about being close with eachother, if it would be an awkward moment if it came down to it again.. She answered that she loved me too much for it to be awkward.   I'm a patient person but shes not showing a change. Days together, were conversating and well have a disagreement that leads to a silence between us. Its been a little friendly to us.    We've been together for almost three years now. Were each others best friends and tell eachother everything. Does anyone have any advice? Or similar problems? Thank You.

[imanaddict]

People grow apart and it sounds like that is exactly what happened.

[Judy246]

You both have been together since elementary school and life changes! Also, it's great that you enjoy intimacy quite a bit, but maybe she is just getting tired too much sex. Also, when entering college, life changes. Where else can you put thousand of both male and female students together of the same age or close in age. Maybe she want's to explore a different direction. If I were you, I would find the time to discuss with her, how is she doing, what is going on in her life (she does have her own life besides you), also address issues and concerns that you have noticed an asked her if there is anything that you can do to help or just talk about what is going on and at the same time discuss how you have noticed a lack of interest intimacy and closeness on her part and if she would like to talk about it. Communication is key in a relationship, so sit down with her and address your concerns, issues, needs not being met and how can you both work on improving your intimate life. Also, love making is great, but if she is become tired of too much sex, it can pose a problem in the relationship. Good Luck.

[specialmom]

Well, I think you are in the perfect spot to go ahead and move on.  I know it is hard to leave a relationship but you are in college and relationships in college aren't suppose to be about this kind of stuff.  They are about mutually having fun together as in whatever that means to you.  All relationships will progress from the first infatuation type of love into a more mature type of love--------  but she does not seem interested for whatever reason in the physical side of things (be it sex or affection).  Since you are, I'd move on.  Life is too short to worry about this kind of thing in college.  This is your chance to meet lots of people in a great atmosphere for doing so.  That is my opinion and I wish you the best.

[espritbelle85]

Something similar happened to me when I was in college.  The guy I had been dating actually came to the same college with me.  We still loved each other but just sort of grew into different people. Today (4 years later), we are best friends, still love each other, but both understand that we will never be together again the way we once were.  If it boils down to it, yes we could survive being married and living in the same house, but it just wouldn't be right because that spark that we had for those 2 and a half years is no longer there.  I'm not saying that this is your future with you lady friend, this is just my experience.

But if she hasn't seen you in a while, I wouldn't understand why she wouldn't want some affection.  Maybe she feels it's redundent. Have you tried sending her flowers or a cute letter or something in the mail?  Doing something to surprise her?  As I got older, sex did become less important for me in a relationship.  But the need to know that someone cared still existed.  If I were you I would try being spontaneous and if certain things dont work, jsut keep talking to her and find out why.  Maybe she's just stressed.

I hope everything gets better for the two of you! Good Luck!