moving in

[nessie12]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years the first year we lived about an hour away and didnt get to see each other often. a few months into our relationship he asked me to move in with him but that was delayed because i considered buying a house with my brother. when house buying fell through he didnt want to move in with me any more and i was very upset. he moved in with  his friends and now he is set on living with them another year when i want to move in with him. I am about to be 24 and he is about to be 27, and i am thinking about leaving him if he decides against moving in with me because i am getting completely mixed signals from him on where this relationship is going and i fear that next year will come around and he still wont want to move in with me.

He says im young and he wants to live with his friends another year cause he can but he also tells me how he loves me and wants to marry me and have kids but he also has this very pessimistic attitude about marraige and i feel like getting engaged will be the same struggle as getting him to move in with me.He says it wont be acceptable for him to live with friends anymore soon and he wants to while he can. But you have a girlfriend of two almost three (by the time the current lease is up) doesnt that make it unacceptable.  another thing is he went to college for five years and lived with friends and out of college he has lived with friends for two years. why wont he do this with me? i feel like he thinks the world ends when you start to move in, get engaged, and  so on like his life with me is just going to be downhill for there.    

I love him and i dont want to leave him...me crying and being upset over the reasons why he wont move in with me isnt enough to change his mind... and i dont want to give him an ultimatum, because i feel like he would do it for me not to leave him...but it would just be over because then i would feel like i forced him and he would resent me...am i doing the right thing? i need advise tons of it please!!!!      

[nessie12]

I also did end up moving closer cause i thought maybe his sudden unwillingness to move in with me was because we really had not spent significant time with one another  except over vacations

[Judy246]

If you go back and reread the first section of your post, you know the problem and answer. You rejected his invitation to move in, now he rejected yours...you hurt his feeling by not wanting to move in with him. I don't think he is ready to take the relationship to the next level and if you pressure him on the subject, you will push him away. You had your chance and he did what he had to do and got comfortable with the lifestyle. Your choice is to accept the relationship as is and hope that within time and future your relationship will move towards the next level, if you nag him on it, he will eventually get tired of it and leave you, or communicate with him how you feel and maybe when the lease is up, he will reconsider living with you. I just don't think he's ready right now to take it to a higher level. Good luck. Judy

[nessie12]

well we had been together six months if that...only saw each other on friday night, saturday and sunday morning...i accepted but when my brother thought up the buying idea i spoke with him and we agreeed that if i could own then it was a good investment and he could move in to that place  

[peaceinknowing]

It seems like his emotions were running high and "in the heat of the moment" when he first asked you to move in with him, even if it was only a mere six months after you'd started dating one another. Now that you all have been together and have established the relationship, he more than likely sees where there are things that need to be worked on before moving in together. I don't know your boyfriend, and I can only go on what you've stated in your post above -- but it sounds like he just isn't ready for that sort of move with you right now. If you leave him over this, that just goes to show that the relationship was only meant for pushing the button of moving fast. My husband and I were together for almost three and a half years before we moved in together. It takes time sweety, so try not to doubt his reasons too much.

[megochick101]

I think you need to talk with him about it, tell him how his not wanting to move in is making you feel and ask him where he sees you guys in 5 years time. You should know your answer after that. He may just not be ready for that kind of commitment, and if you push him into making it before he is ready, you will just lose him.