Aa
my husband doesn't do foreplay or oral sex
My husband has never given me oral sex and I am not sure how to ask him for it. He has been with other woman before where he has lived with them for several years ( and not sure how their sex life was but he doesn't like to talk about his past) and he feels we leave the past behind. What I want to know is how would I go about it and then when it comes to foreplay we don't have it at all. We just kiss for a few mins and then we try and then he concentrates on coming and then he wants me off of him. I want to know how to change or what can I do to have a more passionate love making session.
I need any advice I can get.
I need any advice I can get.
Pls get rid of him, this is a very important part of happiness, some people should not have spouses. I am going through a D for the same reason, I can't it is an everyday frustration
This thread is now closed.
_____________________________________________________
****** CLOSED DISCUSSION******
NO MORE COMMENTS, PLEASE
_____________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
****** CLOSED DISCUSSION******
NO MORE COMMENTS, PLEASE
_____________________________________________________
You're bumping REALLY old threads. It would be better if you could start your own thread (copy/paste), to generate a new discussion.
Use this link to start a new thread:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/new_with_new_subject?forum_id=78
Use this link to start a new thread:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/new_with_new_subject?forum_id=78
I'm not entirely sure why I'm writing this, but part of me just feels the need to say a few things. I just read the "My wife won't give me oral" posts and aside from some enlightened few the majority of responses indicated that the individual women replying to the post found it to be gross and felt the guy who posted should get over it. Then I read here and aside from a lady focusing on the ramifications on the overall relationship, it seems that women feel men should do this to show their love. OK. I'd go into goose and gander but everyone should be able to line those things up. For some men, including myself, receiving oral is not about power or control, it's about intimacy and pure physical feeling. It's just a better feeling than vaginal sex. Neither is bad at all, but one is better. I guess it might be like the difference between clitoral and vaginal orgasms, or sex and masturbation. No one really thinks masturbation is an adequate substitute for good sex do they? This is the same. I will also say that I do enjoy giving oral to my partner. I love the way it makes her feel and it turns me on to turn her on. I would hope to have a partner as into things as I am, even if it's not always the case.
What I have found in some of my relationships and the relationships of those I know is that there are two distinct and harmful mindsets that can exist in relationships. One is the selfish/obligation mindset. "It doesn't please me, why should I do it?" or "I do it to keep him/her happy on special occasions." Love is supposed to be about your partner, not yourself. But if in the most basic of exchanges we are selfish, how can we be anything else at other times? We are the houses that our foundations say we are. The other is the "I'll do it if he/she deserves something special" like sex is a commodity to be traded. If sex becomes something to be 'earned' then it is being purchased with effort instead of cash, but make no mistake, it's still a transaction. That makes one person a prostitute and the other a panderer. Doesn't leave much room for intimacy or love, does it? What it does create is resentment. One partner thinks, "Well you didn't earn it," and the other thinks they did.
There is also a notion that as long as a man achieves orgasm he should be happy. If that were true, no man or woman should need or want more sexually than their own hands. Simply put, it's not true. I'm not saying anyone should give up who they are or agree to undo suffering in order to please their partner, but that if we're with the right partner, it shouldn't be an issue. If oral sex is important to your partner, then it should be important to you and vice versa.
For the OP, I don't know that there is much advice to give. I can say that as a man in the reverse situation, it doesn't become easier to do without. What we cannot have becomes a foci for resentment. This is magnified by the bait-and-switch of a partner who begins a relationship doing certain things and then stops as the relationship ages. Is your partner no longer worthy of pleasure? Do you care about their needs and wants less? Is it any wonder that they might feel the same?
I have had a similar conversation to this before, "I just don't feel like you pursue me anymore, not like you used too. You used to buy me flowers for no reason all the time. Now it's pretty rare." My response, "I just don't feel like you value me anymore, not like you used too. You used to do things for me sexually and that never happens anymore." In this situation there is fault enough for two, but the end result is that neither partner is getting their needs met. Is it wrong to want flowers for no reason as a symbol of affection? Is it wrong to want oral sex as an act of affection?
I would attempt to have an open and blunt conversation about it.
"I want oral sex. If I cannot have oral sex in this relationship, then we are going to have to make a tough decision regarding the compatibility and future of this relationship."
For those of you who don't think oral sex is that big of deal, or think that it shouldn't be, remember that we all have varying priorities and values. For me sexual compatibility (and specifically oral sex) is a high level need. It might be that this is the case for the original poster as well.
What I have found in some of my relationships and the relationships of those I know is that there are two distinct and harmful mindsets that can exist in relationships. One is the selfish/obligation mindset. "It doesn't please me, why should I do it?" or "I do it to keep him/her happy on special occasions." Love is supposed to be about your partner, not yourself. But if in the most basic of exchanges we are selfish, how can we be anything else at other times? We are the houses that our foundations say we are. The other is the "I'll do it if he/she deserves something special" like sex is a commodity to be traded. If sex becomes something to be 'earned' then it is being purchased with effort instead of cash, but make no mistake, it's still a transaction. That makes one person a prostitute and the other a panderer. Doesn't leave much room for intimacy or love, does it? What it does create is resentment. One partner thinks, "Well you didn't earn it," and the other thinks they did.
There is also a notion that as long as a man achieves orgasm he should be happy. If that were true, no man or woman should need or want more sexually than their own hands. Simply put, it's not true. I'm not saying anyone should give up who they are or agree to undo suffering in order to please their partner, but that if we're with the right partner, it shouldn't be an issue. If oral sex is important to your partner, then it should be important to you and vice versa.
For the OP, I don't know that there is much advice to give. I can say that as a man in the reverse situation, it doesn't become easier to do without. What we cannot have becomes a foci for resentment. This is magnified by the bait-and-switch of a partner who begins a relationship doing certain things and then stops as the relationship ages. Is your partner no longer worthy of pleasure? Do you care about their needs and wants less? Is it any wonder that they might feel the same?
I have had a similar conversation to this before, "I just don't feel like you pursue me anymore, not like you used too. You used to buy me flowers for no reason all the time. Now it's pretty rare." My response, "I just don't feel like you value me anymore, not like you used too. You used to do things for me sexually and that never happens anymore." In this situation there is fault enough for two, but the end result is that neither partner is getting their needs met. Is it wrong to want flowers for no reason as a symbol of affection? Is it wrong to want oral sex as an act of affection?
I would attempt to have an open and blunt conversation about it.
"I want oral sex. If I cannot have oral sex in this relationship, then we are going to have to make a tough decision regarding the compatibility and future of this relationship."
For those of you who don't think oral sex is that big of deal, or think that it shouldn't be, remember that we all have varying priorities and values. For me sexual compatibility (and specifically oral sex) is a high level need. It might be that this is the case for the original poster as well.
does he , at least, pleasure you in any ways?
i mean ok, oral is important. but if you have others things , than you sould be fine. try to talk to him and find something he would do that would pleasure you. I do understand the fealing you have. i had the same couple days ago. but really, you should talk it out and come to a solution. tell him that, if you don't recieve anything, you won't give anything. bing, bang , simple.
i mean ok, oral is important. but if you have others things , than you sould be fine. try to talk to him and find something he would do that would pleasure you. I do understand the fealing you have. i had the same couple days ago. but really, you should talk it out and come to a solution. tell him that, if you don't recieve anything, you won't give anything. bing, bang , simple.
Wats his problem has he had a bad exprience in his earlier relationship have u questioned him
Okay, fine he won't do oral, but he needs to do something!
I can kind of see the reason some men won't do oral, it's very different than doing oral on a man. Would you really want him doing it knowing he doesn't want to?
I can kind of see the reason some men won't do oral, it's very different than doing oral on a man. Would you really want him doing it knowing he doesn't want to?
COMMUNITY LEADER
I'm sorry but I don't get it. You'd leave your husband because he doesn't want to perform oral sex? You don't enjoy sex otherwise? That is a pretty superficial reason to try to cheat or get out of a marriage. This does not bode well for your future with this man or any other because of the vast important you place on ONE sex act. good luck to you
To specialmom,
Thank you for the response. I know that cheating isnt the answer and of course i dont want to cheat on my husband nor leave him, but when i talked this over with him last night he actually told me why he doesnt want to do it. He says that he doesnt want to go down there and then kiss my mouth, but i tried to explain that he can always rinse his mouth out or use a tissue. He doesnt want to try it. He said that it is something small so why would i leave him but i told him that if this is such a small deal then why cant he try to do this one small thing for me and try to make me happy? I just know that if i deal with this for the years to come, it will turn out to be something bigger in the future which will lead into more arguments and possibly for a divorce which i want to avoid. This is really confusing when the man that says that he will do any and everything for me, who says that he cant live without me, says that he doesnt even want to try to do this. This makes me very furious and disappointed.
Thank you for the response. I know that cheating isnt the answer and of course i dont want to cheat on my husband nor leave him, but when i talked this over with him last night he actually told me why he doesnt want to do it. He says that he doesnt want to go down there and then kiss my mouth, but i tried to explain that he can always rinse his mouth out or use a tissue. He doesnt want to try it. He said that it is something small so why would i leave him but i told him that if this is such a small deal then why cant he try to do this one small thing for me and try to make me happy? I just know that if i deal with this for the years to come, it will turn out to be something bigger in the future which will lead into more arguments and possibly for a divorce which i want to avoid. This is really confusing when the man that says that he will do any and everything for me, who says that he cant live without me, says that he doesnt even want to try to do this. This makes me very furious and disappointed.
COMMUNITY LEADER
You've tagged your post onto an old post. Cheating is never the answer. That just brings you down to a very low level and is not worth your character. If you are unhappily married, then end the relationship the proper way rather than stooping to an act that is never in the right of cheating. good luck to you and please do the right thing.
Hi frustrated_wife2012
My name is NC and i have been married for almost 2 months now. Before me and my husband got married he always told me that he would do any and everything for me. Well i believed him. The night that we finally had sex, i performed oral but he never gave me in return. Of course i did ask him why he couldn't reciprocate but he ends up arguing with me. He never gave me an answer, all he would do is argue and never answer me. I know how this feels because i am a woman who loves to give and receive and i feel that he should have tried this at least once to make me happy. I know people say that you shouldn't end a marriage due to lack of foreplay but this is the man that i am going to spend the rest of my life with and the thought of him not trying to please me and how he likes to get, makes me angry. I am on the verge of cheating and if this prolongs any longer, i will get an annulment. Sorry for telling my story but i feel your pain and i just wanted to share this.
My name is NC and i have been married for almost 2 months now. Before me and my husband got married he always told me that he would do any and everything for me. Well i believed him. The night that we finally had sex, i performed oral but he never gave me in return. Of course i did ask him why he couldn't reciprocate but he ends up arguing with me. He never gave me an answer, all he would do is argue and never answer me. I know how this feels because i am a woman who loves to give and receive and i feel that he should have tried this at least once to make me happy. I know people say that you shouldn't end a marriage due to lack of foreplay but this is the man that i am going to spend the rest of my life with and the thought of him not trying to please me and how he likes to get, makes me angry. I am on the verge of cheating and if this prolongs any longer, i will get an annulment. Sorry for telling my story but i feel your pain and i just wanted to share this.
my husband is just the same. he always asks me for "help" in cumming but I haven't gotten anything in return. i have asked him so many times about it why he doesn't give me pleasure but he gives me no answer. i actually gave up on it. i don't even think about having sex with him anymore. if i see that he is about to ask me for it i just go out into d living room and watch tv. i just had enough...
From a guys perspective I would recommend what Avas Mom, danyaile, and Pepsigirl2u have suggested. They're all good suggestions. I kind of like danyaile's suggestion regarding 69 because it's exciting and believe me when I say that seeing a woman's backside while she's performing oral sex is very exciting. He's bound to get ideas.
I know men who don't like to give oral sex to their wives but love to receive it and even have the nerve to complain that their wives "don't finish the job." What nonsense. Sex is a two way street. They also complain that their wives don't orgasm during intercourse and that bothers them. Duh! Most of these dolts need to crack a book or spend five minutes on the internet to understand the female sex machine and how your bodies function. If they did they would understand female orgasm and how critical niceties like oral sex are to simulation and eventual orgasm.
Tonight I would recommend that you get hot and bothered and whisper in his ear how much he turns you on and then order him to do it. If that doesn't work get the whips and chains out........
I know men who don't like to give oral sex to their wives but love to receive it and even have the nerve to complain that their wives "don't finish the job." What nonsense. Sex is a two way street. They also complain that their wives don't orgasm during intercourse and that bothers them. Duh! Most of these dolts need to crack a book or spend five minutes on the internet to understand the female sex machine and how your bodies function. If they did they would understand female orgasm and how critical niceties like oral sex are to simulation and eventual orgasm.
Tonight I would recommend that you get hot and bothered and whisper in his ear how much he turns you on and then order him to do it. If that doesn't work get the whips and chains out........
I think being able to be open and honest about your desires is one of the best things about being married or even in a relationship so many ppl can't express what they want and then they feel the need to go elswhere to have their needs met . Why don't you try to inniate the night by taking a hot bath or shower getting all dressed up in a nighty or whatever you think he would like and put some candles on and music and you take control get some flavored lube and tell him I want to experiment tonight and you start with him then say ok my turn and see what happens good luck...
i personally can not talk about that sort of thing with out feeling funny myself. when my husband and i first got together i was always the one doing the oral sex, i actually enjoy doing it so he never has to ask himself because he gets it often enough. anyway one day we were longeing around on the bed and i decided to give him ****. instead of getting on your knees or moving to the end of the bed try straddling him with your rear in his face. also known as the 69 position, if you can get this going maybe he will get the idea and you wont have to ask. you can even roll over dureing so that your on bottom, he might like that better because the angle will allow him to go depper if you no what i mean.
hes your husband...just come out and ask/tell him youd like some foreplay..and oral..im sure you give him oral how would he like it if you just stopped doing that for him? My bf is the same way..so i wont do him any favors either.
1 Comments
Great idea, but u ladies deserve absulote happiness, find someone else, seriously, life is too short
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Relationships Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
