needing some advice

[confused112170]

ive been married for 12 years now. and for the most part my husband has issues for about 8 of them.he has done alot to me emotionally.when we fight it seems like he gets so mad and very verbal.always putting me down.throwing things up in my face and telling me what a **** i am and so on..ive tryed to make him go to counsling but he says he doesnt want o until.... i leave  or he knows this is real n i might not come back...then he never goes threw with it..my brother died and he gave me his kids before he pasted..on the day of the furneral i found out he called family members n told them i was going insane and to get the kids away from me,also one of my other brothers and him sat in the bedrrom and talked stuff about me when my brother was dieing in the hospital..i dont get along with that brother..mind u o one could make time for me or my brother while he had cancer..i dropped everything n ran to his side.we have always been close...my husband calls me a prostitute in front of the kids along with alot more...he let his freind hit n me and when i said something he said i was asking for it and desrvered it...he mean then when he thinks im leave he gets nice n it goes around n around...i do love him and all i want is for him to get help..what should i do?how do i  handle a man like this .u cant figure him out he doesnt make sence at times runs to his family all the time..

[jo929]

MY question to you Is WHY DO YOU PUT OP WITH THIS KIND OF ABUSE, do you not read everyday where the women are abused and even killed . leave this man and pull yourself together, go and get some help because you need it  this is not meant to be mean but to wake you up, get out of this situation while you are still alive or start hitting back or call the police  luck  jo

[Judy246]

You don't state your age, but you I'm sure you know that you are in a physically and emotionally abusive marriage. It is unexceptable under no circumstances to accept this behavior. He has hit you and it will only get worse with time. Hitting and verbally abusing you in front of the children is also abusing the innocent children that have to witness their aunt being hurt. You and these children have experience how devistating and life changing results from a loss through death.

I understand you love him, but love should't hurt (physically). This is not love, but abuse.
Also, as a result from being physically and verbally abuse, it affects all aspects of your life as a person: self esteem, appearance, fear to speak. You feel as you are walking on egg shells not to cross him for fear to upset him. You are settling and their is absolutely no reason to. You have the right to feel like a human being, go out, shop, visit family have friends. I would recommend marriage counseling, but to be honest, I don't think it's going to work and you know what I'm going to say next, if you don't leave him the physical violence is going to escalate. Your husband is also angry that now he has more unwanted responsibilities with the kids and mouths to feed. If you don't leave him, he will continue to abuse you and God forbid under anger kill someone. For you and the protection of these kids that are already traumatized by their fathers death, it's time to make a plan. Talk with your family and friends to help you get out of that house followed by filing for a divorce. This man has the potential of being dangerous and make sure if that happens, it not your or one of the children. Surround yourself with family, good friends and a positive environment and you will all be in the road to recovery and healing.
Good luck!

[cheli55]

I would seek proffesional advice immediately... I man who hits his wife is a man who could kill his wife... U shouldn't have to put up with all this abuse... Get help and take your kids and leave as far away a possible from this man.... MY PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU.....