saying she's pregnant but i think she's lying

[wcc963]

I supposedly got this girl that i was with for a very short time pregnant back in January according to her. I'm 22 and she's 21. She said she didn't want it and had already scheduled an abortion for the following week. We were on good terms then and we were communicating through text during the week and the process of the abortion because I couldn't be in attendance. She told me how she was feeling like crap and bleeding out cause of the pills she was given. She then mentioned that she had the Nuvaring put in, which through my research they will not put in if the woman is pregnant so I don't know if she lied to me about all that.

some background on her, all of this comes from talking to her over the past 3 months or so. she is 21, has a 2yo son that she had from a marriage when she was 18. she was dating a guy at her work about a year ago but only for about a month according to her, but they continued to fool around for a long time after that. she got pregnant from him and had an abortion. but is still in contact with him and spends a lot of time with him. she says she has slept with 25 guys in her life

We had a fight the other day, i called her some colorful names and she all of a sudden brought it up saying she never got the abortion and is still pregnant and claims its mine. When I asked her to get a paternity test to prove that the child is mine she refused, and has continued to refuse. she would be 9 weeks along now. She is telling me she doesn’t want me in her life at all and barely answers my questions through text. I have talked to my mother and a few close friends who know her as well, they all think she's lying. I have save our most recent texting session, nothing before that though :/

if you need/want any extra info or clarity please let me know

[wcc963]

that was truly my last question and I was just curious. thank you everyone for your help and support. it may seem that i didn't always take your advice but i did think about every point made here very carefully before choosing my path. this was a hell of a learning experience that i don't want to go through again.

thank you all again for your help and support

[RockRose]

wcc,  no, it's not likely that she would be showing at 9 weeks.  

It's good that you deleted her contacts from your phone,  etc.  

I think you can rest assured she's not pregnant.  Best wishes.

[Londres70]

Good heavens.....let it rest.

If you can't find yourself getting over this you should really talk with someone professional.  

Sounds like you have some kind of anxiety issue, i.e. OCD.  

Let this go before this drives you insane.

[wcc963]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have since deleted all our text conversations, but saved all the screenshots ofthem just in case. Deleted her number but not before I remebered to block it. But whatever she's out of my life... As for forgetting about it, that will take a little time. Still was on my mind today but I was much better about it, still some doubts though :-/ I'm sure those will go away too.

One last question. I know all women are different but at the supposed "2months 1 week" or 9 weeks according to her time table. Would she be noticeably showing? I saw her last night before I went home and she was wearing a sweatshirt but looked the same... This one is just out of curiosity cause she sent me a picture of her stomach on Tuesday night but I think she just pushed out her stomach for the pic to scare me

[nursegirl6572]

I agree with Londres and RR above very much!!!

The other thing I didn't mention, is, it would be nearly IMPOSSIBLE for you to have gotten her pregnant with an intact condom in place.  You'd have a better chance of winning the lotto while getting struck by lightning.

[RockRose]

I thought this was how this would end up.

wcc,  if it will be any comfort to you read through the STD and HIV forums on this webpage.  There are so many people who had a brush with a chance they could have caught an STD or HIV and they can't let it go no matter how many tests and evidence there is that they're clean.  They get a test and are flooded with relief only to have the doubt creep back and then become full blown again in a matter of days.

This has grabbed hold of you and won't let go.  Somehow (I don't know how) you're going to have to come to the realization that this is no longer a rational fear - you've become stuck on an irrational possibility.

And read The Telltale Heart by Edgar Allen Poe in the meantime. It's short and a very clear image of someone who lets fear take over.

Best wishes.

[Londres70]

Ditto Nursegirl.  

I am not sure why you won't let this go.  You got the answers you needed.

Is there something I am missing?  

Move on and be done......that's what a rational person would do.

[nursegirl6572]

Quite a tale.

I have a question...why would you check on her in a month?  She blatantly lied to you and was dramatic about it to cause stress for YOU.  She's not pregnant and I'll bet never was...I bet there was no abortion, no anything.  She sounds like an attention seeker, and a liar.

Stay AWAY from her comepletely...dont call her, text her, answer any attempts she makes to communicate with you.  Be DONE with this.  To continue to want to contact her or "check on her" is just odd, IMO.  She's NOT pregnant.  You HAVE to let this go.  People have been telling you that all along, yet you've been keeping this going...you claimed because you wanted to know if you were going to be a dad....well you know now...I think YOU kind of like the drama too, personally.

If her parents knew NOTHING about any of this, when she said she told them about all of it, she's 200% a liar, and nothing else.  With all due respect, you'd be absoluteLY FOOLISH to go anywhere near her, she cannot be trusted.  Next, she'll claim rape, and you'll be in jail.  Someone who lies about big things like that has an issue...for your own safety, stay away!!

Good luck!

[wcc963]

oh and to your statement about the 2 months 1 week... according to the calender im sure she meant 9 weeks (which would have been Wednesday according to her)

[wcc963]

ok, so i went to her parents house. both remember me from thanksgiving which i was surprised because her mom was a bit drunk that night. her dad was on the way out to work when i arrived and i just got down to it.

i explained that their daughter was claiming to be pregnant and saying i was the father, she(the daughter) said she told you(the parents) about this and that she was going to have an abortion. as it turns out she never told them the whole truth. the day of the abortion she told her mom she wasn't feeling well when she went to their house, but nothing about being pregnant. her mom was real cool about it, and called her. had a short conversation with her on the phone and the last thing she said was "are you going to have a baby?" me and my mom, who went cause we were going out to dinner for my birthday after o_O I know crazy right... but after her mom asked her the question we all heard her say a definite "no" now her mom says they're really close and she doesn't lie to her but she did about the abortion when she said she wasn't feeling well.

but that was a no. she has been texting me and not giving me a definite answer. always avoiding the questions. she wanted everything to happen on her terms, quoting "my terms or no terms, end of story" i replied "end of story" lol if she ever wants to talk, shes going to have to come to my house on my terms. but again, thank you for everyone for taking time out of your day to respond to my problems. im glad i found this site (by accident really) but everyone here has really helped me a lot.

i may not have seen eye to eye with everyone or thought the same ideas were the best thing to do but im glad i go to see both sides of the coin before making my decisions. some of you may think that im just young and dumb and didn't listen to you but u have been reading and re-reading every response on here as they were posted and having it influence my decision or at least take into serious affect and talk over with my mom before proceeding. so again, thank you everyone for your help and support.

I'm 95% sure im not going to be a dad, and that shes not pregnant. but i will check on her in a month or so just to be absolutely sure (see her and look to see if she's showing)... but for now i have told her to stop texting me and leave me alone.

[RockRose]

wcc,  I hope the evening went okay for you and you got the answers you were looking for.  

[Londres70]

Perhaps her parents should know what their daughter is doing and then maybe, MAYBE the truth will come to light.  

What is surprising to me is that there is MORE birth control available nowadays, but more unplanned/unwanted pregnancies.  

[AnnieBrooke]

wcc -- if  you do go, or if you do call, my suggestion is to go over a timeline with them and check each thing.  "She told me she was staying with you on the 9th because she was bleeding from a pill-induced abortion, she says now she is pregnant, she says it is twins, she says I am the dad ..." and let them react to each thing before you go on with the next one.  You might find they have a different picture somewhere along the way that it would be useful to explore.

[AnnieBrooke]

Maybe.  But I think that if she is pregnant, she got pregnant on or around the 19th, from earlier statements and analysis we did, meaning that someone else is the dad.  So, what good does it do for freaked out wcc963 to come by and say, "Is she pregnant?"  Mom and Dad might not know, or they might think wcc963 is the dad when he is not, or they might have been fed a pack of lies and be ready to shoot wcc963, or he might look like money from home to them ("Look!  A sucker who will pay for the baby!") and not ask too many questions.  It seems like a phone call would be more appropriate if Dad owns a shotgun.

But of course there is also the argument that wcc is very, very upset about this and wants to know, and is putting getting her into trouble with Mom and Dad a distant second to his burning need to know.  I just wonder what useful he will really learn.

I guess at least he can hear if she really stayed with Mom after January 9 when she supposedly had a pill-induced abortion.

[RockRose]

Actually,  had she not sent that text from today,  I think I would agree just to back off and let things ride.  As it is,  she's going to keep coming after him with more and more "evidence" and taunting him.  It's time to find out,  it seems.

[RockRose]

Annie,  I almost always agree with you but in this case,  I think it's a great idea to go see her parents.  

That's a stand-up thing to do,  IMHO,  and admirable.  If I had a daughter who sounds like her,  and some young man came to my home and said she's claiming she's pregnant and I want to know what the truth is so I can begin to prepare to take responsibility,  I think I'd give him a hug and kiss.  

Either she IS pregnant (unlikely) and he needs to get his ducks in a row or she is lying and it's time for it to stop.  

IMHO.

[AnnieBrooke]

Two months one *day*, you said originally, not two months one week.

No doctor would tell someone they are "two months and one day."   That is because a month, how long is that?  30 days?  31 days?  28 days?  29 days in a leap year?  It sounds like she is making up numbers for your edification.  A doctor would have told her in weeks.

Just ask her to send you a copy of the ultrasound that says on it the date of the ultrasound, the crown-to-rump measurements of the embryos, and the number of weeks and days of the pregnancy, which are all printed right on the ultrasound.  Also ask her for her doctor's name and the name of the medical facility where she had the ultrasound.

Frankly, I wouldn't go see her parents.  If she's been lying to you she might have been lying to them, and you do not know what kind of a tale she is spinning about you.  You might be highly unwelcome.  You also don't know if, should they say she's pregnant, someone else might be the father, and so there is the possibility you will learn she is pregnant and at the same time learn nothing.  It is undoubted that you showing up will just stir, stir, stir the pot.

You say you're obsessing over this because you're not ready to be a parent.  But you are not listening at all to the advice of any of us, that tells you pretty universally that you are probably not a parent (or going to be).  This makes me feel like you're kind of stimulated about the whole hot mess, maybe because you don't have much else to think about?  Please, dear boy, let loose.  

As specialmom says, "please try to remove yourself from the drama.  [Even] if she is indeed pregnant, you aren't a couple.  Just wait until she gives birth and do what you've got to do.  And if she isn't pregnant, this is not worth so much of your energy."  It TRULY is not worth your upping the drama by showing up at her parents' house for a come-to-Jesus meeting.  All that will do is cause fireworks from her.  I am beginning to wonder if that's in fact what you want, to make her mad and embarrass her in front of her parents.  In other words, she scares you with a pregnancy threat, you retaliate by pretending to be all confused so you can show up and get her in the stinkhouse with her mom and dad.  Try to figure out why you are upping the ante in a game you should not be playing.

Take care, I think you should chill.

[RockRose]

Nobody talks like that,  wcc.  Take a scroll through the pregnancy forums on this website - women who are pregnant count weeks and days,  not months and days.

[wcc963]

What about the 2 months 1 week... How does that work timeline wise?

[wcc963]

I see your point and respect your view on this subject. Yes most people today, even some from the past generations, will probably see your view as "old fashion" but the truth is your right. Accidental pregnancies happen much much more in todays society than in the past. But it is what it is, times change and if I get out of this with or without children I will be adopting that old style. This has scared me enough that I never want to go through this again.

The reason I'm obsessing over this is because if you haven't worked out yet I'm no where near emotionally or financially ready to have one kid let alone two. I'm just scared for myself and for the kids, I woldn be able to support them by myself but wouldn't feel right abandoning them with her crazy ***.

[Londres70]

It will be interesting to know how this will turn out.  

[TTinKKerBBell]

OMGolly wcc963!!  

The way You have "obsessed" over this is more than a LITTLE "unreal" for a Guy who is "willing" to have sex with an insignificant someone - when Pregnancy is ALWAYS a possibility (underline ALWAYS!!).

I still say - You ought to stop having "Sex" UNTIL You are ready to accept what can result from having "Sex".  "Sex" (Personally I prefer to call it "making love" with SomeOne You are in Love WITH) is initially "meant" for creation (i.e. sperm and egg meet and sometimes they Merge to Create Life) - the "feel good" part is a BONUS and meant for Us to share with Significant Others Who We would be "okay" with and if ,in fact, a Pregnancy should result.  Don't "practice" making Babies with SomeOne You don't want to make a Baby with!!

Masturbation was "created" for Good, Solid Reason: as Masturbation is ALWAYS "safe"

STD's and other sexual diseases were "created" 'cuz We were not not meant to "sleep around" and have "casual" "sex".

Initially, We were meant to hold sex as a "sacred" Expression of Love and as a way to Create Life.  (Babies happen!!)

I know I sound "old fashioned" to You - but, I would bet that "sex" (lovemaking) is much more meaningful and satisfying when One doesn't share this MOST intimate act with UNsignificant others.

I say this in all sincerity.  (and I hope She is NOT pregnant)

[RockRose]

I'll wait to hear what her parents say.  Honestly,  I think that's the best thing in the world you could do - either 1.  she's pregnant and telling the honest truth or 2.  now her parents will know she's a manipulative liar.  

Either way,  you'll know tonight.

I'll pop the popcorn.  

[wcc963]

She just texted me today saying she had an appointment today, heard their heartbeats... She said she's 2 months and 1 day today 3/15/13