sexual relationship problems

Question

I am so confused and do not know how to feel or how to let go.  My husband and I have been married a year and a half.   he is always texting and one time i saw one of his girl friends texted him a picture of herself, but with clothes on.  he says she is just a friend and was asking my opinion on what she was wearing and then told me he stop talking to her because she wanted more. So I let it go..  the past few months he wouldn't look at me and our sex life was horrible.  His parents live with us and there bedroom is next door. I don't feel the greatest having sex right next door and when you bed makes all sorts of noises.  I know it no excuse,but slowly our sexual relationship got less and less.  The other day i just had a feeling so I looked at his phone and found about 4 or 5 girls that he has been sexting.  I was so hurt and I confronted him about it and he does not thing it is cheating, but me looking at his phone is cheating . the reason he did it was because I am not sexual enough for him.. He also like Anal and I dont .  I tried it once with him and it hurt so bad and he stopped.  he never pushes me to do but he tells me he is trying to adjust to the way I am and that is another reason for the sexting.  I am trying to forget and let it go, but I am having a hard time.  The sex part is an easy fix but the anal and the trust  with the sexting its hard.  Do I just keep trying the anal to make him happy? I dont want to loose him because this is the only area we are having problems in.  How do I let the sexting thing go he tells me he is going to stop.. do I trust him.  he is sorry and knows it was part his fault and tells me he loves me. please help!!!

soconfused05 · Answer

Thank you for the comments. I am trying really hard to trust him. We did have a great talk And I can see that he is trying to show me that he is not cheating. He also talked about those other girls and how he is going to just stop. He told me it will be hard but he will do it. I asked if he was going to tell them anything and he said no because they don't need to know why. And the are low to him. He only did it to see and hear what he wanted too. Because I don't do it.. I have been trying to get out of my depression and try as well for him.. not anal but other things that makes for a happy sexual relationship and he tells me that he is happy that I am trying. Is it wrong to ask him to see his phone so it can help me trust him more?

soconfused05 · Answer

Thank you for the comments. I am trying really hard to trust him. We did have a great talk And I can see that he is trying to show me that he is not cheating. He also talked about those other girls and how he is going to just stop. He told me it will be hard but he will do it. I asked if he was going to tell them anything and he said no because they don't need to know why. And the are low to him. He only did it to see and hear what he wanted too. Because I don't do it.. I have been trying to get out of my depression and try as well for him.. not anal but other things that makes for a happy sexual relationship and he tells me that he is happy that I am trying. Is it wrong to ask him to see his phone so it can help me trust him more?

Londres70 · Answer

Absolutely agree with mbsc1981.

mbsc1981 · Answer

First and foremost, never do anything sexually that you find to be painful.

Second, I'm going to go ahead and say this: I find it to be a poor excuse to sext other women because I can't have sex with my wife's butt. I'm not married, but it wouldn't make a difference in my opinion if I were.

Third, this is going to take counseling and mediation. Look, you're obviously distraught. Personally? I would be, too. But message boards can only do you so much good in a situation like this. This needs a professional family counselor to navigate. If he says he loves you and he means it, he'll understand and he'll go to a counselor with you.