sister issues

[TheGoodMama]

I'm not sure what to do. I have a step sister who I was very close too and I am scared to reconnect. She is very close to her mother (my evil abusive step mother who made my life a living hell for 3 years) and my father (who was absent from my life till I was 16 and was forced to live with him or be homeless). They are very conniving and vindictive, they crashed the birth of my child (snuck in uninvited) and tried to get my child taken away (fake information they gave to child services that was proven so wrong I'm actually a registered foster parent) because I refused to let them see her (the wife has untreated bypolar 2 disorder and my father refuses to have a relationship with me without her). I'm not frightened of the relationship with my step sister but I am afraid of the information leak to the parents. If I had it my way I wouldn't want them to even know my child's name or have a picture. My sister is a good person and there were many times she and I banded together but there were also times when she threw me under the bus and made it hard for me to trust her. I am scared of the consequences for my child not me. I have dealt with there BS for years now and can fend off there issues but I won't stand for anything threatening my family. Should I give it a shot or is the danger too much to risk? She is the closest sibling to me in age and location and the extra support from my family would be great. Plus I know she would love the connection to my child and be an aunt (all other nieces and nephews are out of state) but ... Idk the apprehension is really holding me back. How do I make this on my terms? safe for my family? And not any more emotionally damaging? Help please I need to come up with a plan fast! Or the opportunity will be lost.

[TheGoodMama]

Well I appreciate the advice and I tried to talk to her but the conversation immediately went to the parents. I mentioned nothing about it and immediately she brings it up and brings it up again and starts sweating me for information. At least I gave it a shot but the anger and the drama she's bringing forward is something I really don't want or need. Maybe some day in the time when she grows up some more we can try again but for right now this is a non-issue. I'm done with her for now my sanity and my child are too important to me for that.

[specialmom]

Well, first I'm sorry about the issues with your step mother and father.  That sounds like it was difficult and I can understand your hesitation to do anything that leads back to issues with them.  

I think that reconnecting with your sister does sound like a good idea.  I wouldn't mention her mother or your father at all.  If she brings it up, say that you'd rather not talk about that.  

There shouldn't be information to feed back to the family------  what can she say that could cause trouble?  Maybe don't tell her your deep dark secrets.  But having her over for dinner and to hang out with your child would not provide ammo for that other side of the family.

So, my suggestion is to invite her over and tell her that you miss her which you sound like you do.  Then take it slow and keep things on a level of social verses intimate.  Do not go down the path of talking about your step mom or dad no matter how big the urge is to talk about that.  Stay away from it and focus on your family getting connected to HER.  If she feeds info, you can just say to her at some point that you are a private person and you'd like her to respect that.  good luck