slowing down on marijuana/counseling

[pillabit]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. for the first seven months he was on probation (for hard drugs, which he no longer uses) when we met so he was forced to be sober.

now that he's no longer on probation he has started smoking pot multiple times every day. he can't simply enjoy any activity without being high. that being said, I have absolutely no issue with the occasional recreational use of marijuana. I've smoked with him and would not care if he was only getting high every few days. I do have an issue when someone I care about considers pot to be their main priority in life.

I care about him a lot and I hate knowing what our relationship was like before he began relying on pot to get him through the day. it seems like that person I got into a relationship with has changed.

he's reluctant to go to couples counseling to help us come to some kind of an agreement (and other more normal communications issues which I think could be very easily remedied) he's gone to counseling before (by himself) and hated it

so, honestly: do you think someone with an addictive background can ever just "slow down" on something? if I continue to allow him to smoke is he always going to struggle with overuse of the drug?

I think the hardest part is knowing that he gave up hard drugs. I know he's able to quit certain things. he just doesn't view smoking non stop as destructive. he is willing to go to the library with me to get books about communication etc and try to work on things ourselves, but I don't know if that is any kind of a substitute for an unbiased therapist giving us advice on our specific problems.

[rccforever]

I've been married to a man who has smoked pot for 45 years and he is definitely not normal, nothing and I mean nothing is more important to him than getting high. He has no ambition and can not get a good job because they drug test, we have always been poor and we will always be poor. If you don't mind playing second fiddle to dope all your life stay with this person, if you would like to have a family and a normal life, run for your life today.

[foxyauto]

im going throuh the same thing! my boyfriend is now a completly different person than the one i fell inlove with! he too has a past with drugs and was sober beacues of probation when i met him it feels like we are going backwards insted o forwards in our relationship and in life! he asked me for help to quite smoking weed but how the hell do i do that? that is all up to him all i can dois support and even that is hard when he contiually does something that affects my life in a negative way. i have given him the ultimatium me or the wed before and he chose weed. that means to me that he obviously has a huge problem if he is willong to give up everythign good in his life for something that is destroying it. the question is how do you give up on someone you love dearly who is bring yo9u donw when you are the only thign they have to help them? i dont know the answer to that i dont know at what piont you r supposed to cut your losses and move on, inmy mind if there is any inkling of hope of getting that person i fell in love with back i will keep on trying, but its easier said than done i dont know how much i can mentally take before i am the one who ends up with severe depression?

[Judy246]

Im sorry, I meant I didn't want to worry about the neighbors "smelling it"...thanks Judy

[Judy246]

I personally will not be with any man that has either a drug or drinking problem. I don't want to come home to the smell of pot in the house, furniture, bed, air or me. I don't want to worry if the neighbors can sell it and call police or have friends or family notice and comment on the odor.  I don't want that extra baggage dragging me down with him. The only person that can help him is himself.  He has to hit rock bottom, before he realizes that he has a problem. Please do not support his pot habit, just to be on his good side. He will realize that he needs to do something about it if you begin telling him that it's starting to bother you and you don't want to spend the rest of your life with someone who has to smoke pot to get thru the day. That is not normal....good luck. Judy

[jo929]

You cant help someone that does not want help, he will stay with his ole habits until he reaches the bottom, you know the ole saying you can lead a horse to water, but you cant make him drink   luck  jo

[teko]

Addiction is a physical and mental thing.  The mindset is still there to get hi. He does it because he likes it, obviously willing to risk what you two have in order to get hi.  You have choices too and maybe he needs to find that out? Eventually he will go back to the drugs.

[mslkpage]

He is a different person from the one you started dating because he was clean at the time and now he's not. I think marijuana is a lot like alcohol in that some people can use it occasionally/recreationally while others become addicted (the old school theory is that people couldn't get hooked on it, but we now know that's not true.) As far as whether or not he can just "slow down," I'm not sure. Some people can, but the majority cannot. And many can quit harder drugs but hang on to weed or alcohol because they don't see them "as bad" as other substances. Your other question is easier to answer- he definitely will continue abusing it if you allow it. Since he won't go to counseling with you, consider going by yourself. Also look into Narc-Anon or Al-Anon meetings so you can find support from other people that are in your situation. Good luck.