stupid

[melmel41]

I have been feeling very stupid for a while, I found out that my boyfriend of 13 years has been messing around with my sister and other females for years. I'm not for sure how many but I know It's been years.And the one who told me was my mother cause my sister's son saw them and didn't want to tell me cause I would of killed them. So after a year went by she finally told me and the whole time everyone knew but me,well I always had a feeling and there where lots of signs like I would wake up in the middle of the night and find him coming out of my sister's room yes we all lived together and my sister was married and had another man on the side. I always confronted them when I felt It was happening but of course they denied it this went on for years ,I always knew but didn't want to except it cause it was my sister . Then after all this my sister left and I moved into my own apt. with my boyfriend and after a few months I had to have surgery so I ask my sister to come up where I lived and help me I didn't think It would happen again (stupid) It happend again . Finally my mom told me and I asked my nephew why he didn't want to tell me and he told  me he didn't want me to hurt his mother but he told me that when my boyfriend went to pick up my sister that He slept in the same room all night with her .my sister's husband is in the navy so that's where he was at the time most of the time but when i found all this out yes I went off don't want to say what I did but the police where involved but even after that I forgave them and what happened it kept going on I caught them 2 more times I know love is strong but what the hell is wrong with me to keep taking this stuff from him and why am i so stupid

[imanaddict]

I say dump both of them, and they deserve each other! I'm really sorry you are having to deal with the betrayal of TWO important people in your life. I can't imagine how that must feel.

Her husband needs to know what is going on. I agree with Judy, he's out there for fighting for all of us and his wife is back home having her own fun behind his back with no regard to how either one of you feel.

[Judy246]

I take back what I said earlier on not telling your sisters Navy husband....I say, he should know what's going on at home with his tramp of a wife while he is fighting for his country and  coming home to a battlefield.  Judy

[teko]

First of all what are you doing with a bf for 13 years? I think you already know the answer to this delemma, why you are still around after 13 years is beyond comprehension. Yer wasting yer life.

[megochick101]

DUMP the guy pronto! I agree with everyone else 13 is way too long to stay in a relationship without some form of commitment. if he has been cheating on you that entire time he obviously does not love you one bit. I think the worst part of this situation is that it was your sister that he was cheating on you with,. that to me is the ultimate betrayal. Sorry to say but IMO you need to cut the ties from your sister,(maybe from the whole family if you mom knew and didn't tell you, sorry) that is definitely not a healthy atmosphere for anyone to live in! and i would suggest some counseling for you because living with this kind of betrayal is hard to deal with, and it may help you realize that this guy isn't even worth your thoughts at all!! there are good men out there who would never even think about doing this!! you should never settle for a man who cheats on you. your situation just upsets me so much i can't even imagine the pain you must be feeling. Be strong and cut the ties now(and maybe a restraining order like Judy said if the guy doesn't take the hint)

There are better more mature men out there and no one deserves to be treated like that! my last piece of advice is to deal with your feeling first before going on to a new relationship. Focus on you and only you and then when your ready the right guy will come along.

[RockRose]

Your post reads like "Tobacco Road" by Erskine Calewell,  melmel.  Complete depravity.

I can hardly even figure out where to begin.  Maybe you should read it,  seriously,  it's a classic book and any library would have it.  I think it would give you perspective on how off-track your life really is -

[heatherlynn22]

he's a piece of poo. like judy said 13 years is WAY too long to not have a ring on the finger. and the first time you saw him coming out of your sisters room should have been enough. that right there is him being caught "red handed". i hope her husband knows!!! if she's doing it with your bf she's bound to do it with other men. women like that sicken me. husband is off fighting for our country and freedoms and she cheats. *sigh* that happens all too often. and your bf.....he's just an immature, piece of poo who needs to grow up. if he's been cheating for years.....move on. find someone who can respect you. who will love YOU and not every other woman walking around out there.

[Judy246]

Oh...by the way,  a 13 yrs. relationship is too long without some type of commitment (engagement or marriage) by now.  Your inner alarm should have told you this guy is useless, offering you nothing and heading nowhere.   Judy

[Judy246]

Wow...this is bad, because it's family and unfortunately, it happens in dysfunctional families. There is a lesson to be learned here, when your inner "six sense" tells you that something is wrong, we all need to listen to it. What your boyfriend (who is the stupid jerk here) and especially your sister have done is rude, disrespectful, opportunist, selfish, hurtful and just plain wrong.

And as for you, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid of being alone?  Are you afraid of confrontations? Are you afraid that you are not going to find another man? It's obvious that you have self esteem and insecurity issues that you need to work on and never permit anyone, sad to say, not even family take advantage of you!  You really have to look deep within yourself and I think you know why you were aware of there behavior and preteneded that it wasn't happening.

You bf and sisters are the stupid one's here...you are just naive for knowing what was going on and permitting it. Dump the jerk immediately and no looking back!  If he comes anywhere near you and your family, put a peace bond on him where he will have to stay 500 ft. from you and your home. As for your sister, keep your future boyfriends away from her (oh hell...away from the entire dysfunctional family in this case), don't get involved in telling her husband, you don't want to go there and escalate from bad to worse....it's sad that he is in the Navy serving our country and his wife sleeping with around.

Personally, I don't know if I could ever forgive her for what she has done....time will tell.
Dump the guy immediately and seek counseling necessary to deal with your low self esteem.  Good luck.....Judy