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Avatar universal

telling his freinds

My, now ex, partner of 5 years was cheating on me throughout and when I found out he left. I want to tell all his friends (many of whom now I am also friends and will continue to see regularly in social gatherings) what a lying, cheating, deceiptful, untrustworthy person he is. What do you all think, I would like some advice please. Thank you in advance.
13 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, while it is your complete and total right and I am sure justified . . .  I would hold off.  Bad mouthing the ex is fun, but counterproductive.  If the goal is to turn others against your ex or have people pick sides and pick yours---------  you just never know what could happen.  It could backfire.  Then he is going to tell everyone his side of things and all of your dirty laundry and it is a mess.  And your friends do not want to be in the middle of that. It will cause a division of lines and you might not like how it plays out.  Better to just confide in a couple of friends that you are truly close to as anyone would without taking out a full page ad on the subject. That is my honest opinion.  Hell have no fury as a woman scorned . . .  but you don't want to make everyone so awkward around you and he that one of you isn't invited anymore. . . Sorry about the guy being a jerk though.  Find a friend that is close to only you and vent away!  good luck with the future.
686059 tn?1293833827
Although it would serve no purpose and possibly backfire on you making you look like a gossip trouble maker. He can easily tell friends your a lier troublemaker, so carry yourself with class, accept what you can't change and everyone will get to know what type of person he is by his own actions. In other words, let it go and move on. If someone ask you then you can say he was unfaithful, but by intentionally attempting to bring harm to him and his reputation, it can backfire on you making you look like a trouble maker and no wonder he left you. Good Luck.
Avatar universal
It is more complicated, but noone would know who sent the message so I dont run that risk!
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Still would not be wise.  I promise you this will backfire.  What I am about to say is not that you did do anything wrong, remember that.  But . .. Your ex is going to say all the things that YOU did that made him want to cheat.  He will tell his side and he will make it sound like what man wouldn't cheat married to you.  Then he'll be telling everyone how he found something better and how great it was.  Yuck.  NOW I know that isn't true----------  I'm sure he is a jerk of all jerks as I believe all men who cheat are.  But I guarentee if you send out an anonomys email . . . someone is going to figure out where it came from and then everyone will know it is you and YOU will look really really bad.  If I got an email from someone that I was friendly with displaying all of the crimes her husband committed, I would shy away from that person because that is an extreme action.  It would say a lot about your state of mind and it is in a scary place.  Granted, deservingly so . ..  but while ruining his reputation you will ruin yours.  
Do you have one or two close friends amongst his friends?  Someone that calls you once in a while?  That would be a person you could get together with an let them know what happened if you just feel you have to tell everyone.  Then if it spreads, fine.  Don't you think one or two of his buddies already know?  
Best revenge?  moving on in your life and being really happy.  He will watch from afar and realize his error.  If you go too nuts, he will say he did the right thing.  I really wish for peace of mind for you, guidance as you work through this terrible and difficult time, and future happiness.
686059 tn?1293833827
sorry, I don't play these type of games of sending anonymous messages to intentionally hurt someone regardless of how much of an a** he is. To be honest, I think that would be a very immature thing to do. You are beyond this and although I understand your anger and want revenge IT SERVES NO PURPOSE only to make you feel better, but you won't. You need to pick up the phone and tell him how much he hurt you and you want him to know it and what goes around comes around and one day someone will do to him what he did to you and tell him that when that happens, remember me"....move on with your life and let him fall on his butt all by himself.
686059 tn?1293833827
or, better yet, just leave it alone, time heals all wounds and move on with your life, put the man behind you.
Avatar universal
only to humiliate him to the extent that he has humiliated me and so that when people speak to him they know that he is untrustworthy despite all of the charm
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
You must do in your heart what you feel is the right thing to do.  Seems you've already made up your mind.  I thought you were asking advice on this subject.  Good luck with your decision.  (I still believe that you will be humiliating yourself further by setting yourself up to look so kooky for sending the info out.  It is a bit on the irrational side.)
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Let me ammend my last comment.  I didn't mean for that to sound as it probably did.  I was reacting to a question being posed when I gather you have probably already made up your mind what you are going to do.  It is your right to let others know your husbands crimes and you do sound very hurt by it.  What my fear is is that others will judge you for sending out the information in such a way.  I think you can get the information out in a less vindictive manner that does not leave you open for criticism for how you do it.  You are clearly angry and I am really sorry this has happened to you.  Tell some of the friends in the group personally and it will spread as such things always do.  That is better than uniformily sending it out.  This is all just my opinion of course and I really do wish you the best.
145992 tn?1341345074
I completely understand the feelings of wanting revenge.  When we've been hurt so deeply all we see is red.  We want them to be ashamed of what they did, we want them to hurt.  Your feelings are completely normal, given what you've been through.  However, what may feel good to you now, will probably not feel so good later when everyone knows.  Because it may just humiliate you more.  They will point fingers, some may look badly at you for going around and telling your business.  If they are mutual friends, they will eventually know what's going and will either look at him in disgust or not care either way.  Or just like specialmom said, may think you are a weird bird for airing your relationship laundry like that.  The best revenge is moving on and being happy with your life.  Silence is sometimes a more deadlier thing.
13167 tn?1327194124
first off,  queries/questions,  every one will know for sure who sent it,  and the fact that you sent it anonymously and expected not to take any social heat at all for ranting about him,  will make it way worse.

Second,  no one wants to hear all this stuff.  There's nothing more tiresome than friends who go through a break up and feel the need to rant and rant and rant about their ex.  

It's tiresome,  and extremely unattractive.  If you want to make him look bad,  look good yourself,  and like you're happy now and are happy to put the past in the past.

Living well is the best revenge.  Acting bitter and vengeful will only hurt YOU,  and make it seem a little justified that he left you,  in my opinion.

Breaking up in a social circle is very hard to do gracefully,  but people who do it become heroes.    Best wishes with it.
145992 tn?1341345074
I just noticed that to RR, queries are you questions?  Because questions said she had a 3 year relationship and you say 5 but you are answering her questions.  This is confusing.
Avatar universal
Has he not caused you enuff pain? You are free and clear of him now, keep it that way. He is not worth the time nor the energy and they will find out for themselves what type person this is. If you speak you will only make yourself look like your still involved emotionally and appear revengeful. Neither is an attractive look. Let it go, your better than that.
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