Aa
verbal abuse from wife
I'm a man in recovery for substance addiction. I've been clean about a month and have clarity also very intelligent. I read today about verbal abuse and my wife fits the mold clinacally. I asked her this morn. about consoling she refused blames all on me. I have serious health issues a couple are blow disks and arthritis. The first thing I noticed is she is never wrong and blames me for everything. Then there is also physical abuse I feel when she controls the heat in our home, cold damp air affects my arthritis. My question is do I report this or seek help for myself.
the rock!!!!!
the rock!!!!!
Sounds to me like you want to think all is OK now because you have been clean a month. Your wife has had to put up with your addictive abusive behavior all this time. Your comment about controlling the heat made me wonder, is she paying for the heat? Do you work? I think there is a lot you need to make up for from your addictions and you don't seem to even realize the impact your behavior has had on her and now after only one month you expect all to be fine.
I think you both need counselling, clearly you might be clean now, but you sure didn't go through the 12 steps and attone for your bad behavior towards your wife. You need to take responsibility for what you have done first before she can begin to heal from the damage you caused her. Sounds to me like you are blaming her when really you created the problems with your addiction.
I think you both need counselling, clearly you might be clean now, but you sure didn't go through the 12 steps and attone for your bad behavior towards your wife. You need to take responsibility for what you have done first before she can begin to heal from the damage you caused her. Sounds to me like you are blaming her when really you created the problems with your addiction.
Regarding your wife, please try and have patience for her. If a story helps, my father was an ongoing on-and-off alcoholic throughout his marriage to my mom. As a result, she has YEARS of pent-up anger towards him (which she never spoke up about because she felt like she wasn't brave/strong enough to). Now she unleashes whenever she is triggered. It's not because she doesn't love him - it's just that there is a lot of pain associated with his negligent and disrespectful behavior. To make matters even worse, he generally does not remember a lot of it (for instance, coming home in the middle of the night, barely aware that his wife stayed up all night waiting for him because she didn't know where he was).
I don't know what your specific history with your wife is, but please bear in mind that your wife will need to address her feelings about your addiction (especially if she's been co-dependent on you). In my experience, co-dependent women tend to be silent about their anger, and will bottle it up until it finally explodes. Talk to her, be patient, and focus on diffusing that anger. It will get better, but it will definitely take time. You are both going thru a healing process :) and good job on taking control!
I don't know what your specific history with your wife is, but please bear in mind that your wife will need to address her feelings about your addiction (especially if she's been co-dependent on you). In my experience, co-dependent women tend to be silent about their anger, and will bottle it up until it finally explodes. Talk to her, be patient, and focus on diffusing that anger. It will get better, but it will definitely take time. You are both going thru a healing process :) and good job on taking control!
I knew it was our old pal. Obviously, he needs some advice as well about respect... thought I would throw that in there for him. =)
Don`t go there, PlateletGal. You are talking to formerly 'dikhead' again. We know how that ends. You`ll probably get a sermon about a fox in Hindi...
Its not hypocrisy. It is about respecting those people around you and recognizing that their religious beliefs (I'm not affliated with any religion) may differ from yours. Respect.
you believe in God, but the devil also does, he even trembles. you can search the bible for that.
Me, I don't compromise. I tell it as it is. Without God we are nothing. Nobody wants to hear anything about God. BUt eveyrbody believes in HIM. Such hypocrisy....
Me, I don't compromise. I tell it as it is. Without God we are nothing. Nobody wants to hear anything about God. BUt eveyrbody believes in HIM. Such hypocrisy....
I am sure your wife put up with a lot of **** from you while you were using.
You have been clean for a month, that is not enough time for her to trust that you will not relapse and drag your family back to hell with you.
You have too little time sober to be judging your wife who for some reason stick with you through all the bad times.
Perhaps you could suggest counselling.
You have been clean for a month, that is not enough time for her to trust that you will not relapse and drag your family back to hell with you.
You have too little time sober to be judging your wife who for some reason stick with you through all the bad times.
Perhaps you could suggest counselling.
Just in the record, I believe in God. However, I choose to respect ALL religions and try to refrain from keeping my religious beliefs out of discussions. I wouldn't want someone to preach their religious beliefs to me and I show people the same respect.
i agree with platelet gal.
i would've given a deeper advice; however, since many posters here and probably most of the people here do not believe in GOD, i have found it hard to give sound advice. Forgiveness is something that can only be done with God's help. Without God, that act would be shallow and will rear it's ugly head most likely in the future.
If you really wanna start it right, you and your wife need to go to any full gospel church and ask them about marriage counseling. God, alone, is the healer. Communication will always help you both resolve your past. The best way to resolve anything is daily prayer together. This is not an easy thing to do since most people do not believe in God, laugh at God, and even mock HIM.
IF you don't want to follow this advice, then you can pursue the natural course (READ THIS: THE HARDEST AND UNRELIABLE COURSE) of things, that is, continue staying off drugs. But just make sure you are ready to be patient because surely your wife will unleash her wrath in your recovery phase. Blame you, she will, in everything. I will give you six months to a year, tops, to endure this and most likely after that I bet my ass you will relapse. MARK MY WORDS, ALL YOU POSTERS HERE: WITHOUT GOD WE ARE NOTHING.
I have given you the choices to follow: don't be fool and ignore GOD.
GOD BLESS YOU
i would've given a deeper advice; however, since many posters here and probably most of the people here do not believe in GOD, i have found it hard to give sound advice. Forgiveness is something that can only be done with God's help. Without God, that act would be shallow and will rear it's ugly head most likely in the future.
If you really wanna start it right, you and your wife need to go to any full gospel church and ask them about marriage counseling. God, alone, is the healer. Communication will always help you both resolve your past. The best way to resolve anything is daily prayer together. This is not an easy thing to do since most people do not believe in God, laugh at God, and even mock HIM.
IF you don't want to follow this advice, then you can pursue the natural course (READ THIS: THE HARDEST AND UNRELIABLE COURSE) of things, that is, continue staying off drugs. But just make sure you are ready to be patient because surely your wife will unleash her wrath in your recovery phase. Blame you, she will, in everything. I will give you six months to a year, tops, to endure this and most likely after that I bet my ass you will relapse. MARK MY WORDS, ALL YOU POSTERS HERE: WITHOUT GOD WE ARE NOTHING.
I have given you the choices to follow: don't be fool and ignore GOD.
GOD BLESS YOU
Just for the record, I disagree with the last poster. Ignoring your spouse doesn't solve problems. However, it creates problems. Communication here is vital and now that the poster has done hard work to heal himself, his wife will need to do the same. She will need to talk to her husband and forgive him for things that have happened in the past as a result of his drug use. She will need to work on her co-dependency and also work on healing. It is a great thing when couples do this together. If she refuses to get help after the poster tries at least several times, then the poster may need to think about what is best for his future and whether or not she's in the picture.
well it seems that your co-dependent wife has finally displayed the effects of your substance abuse. you have yourself to blame for this.
but keeping off the substance for good is the best choice you made.
give it time, focus on your recovery, ignore your wife's attitude, and if you have kids catch up on lost time with them.
GOD is the answer for everything. Without God, I assure you, you will relapse.
Believe me.
but keeping off the substance for good is the best choice you made.
give it time, focus on your recovery, ignore your wife's attitude, and if you have kids catch up on lost time with them.
GOD is the answer for everything. Without God, I assure you, you will relapse.
Believe me.
Congratulations for all of your hard work that you've done to heal yourself !
Just a thought... but I'm wondering if your wife still harbors anger towards you because of what your drug addiction put her through ? Since you have changed, she is going to need to support you and also work on changing and healing HERSELF. It is now her turn. I think counseling would help. If she refuses to go to counseling, perhaps tape record her and her verbal abuse. Sometimes people don't know how bad they sound, until they see or hear themselves. I'm thinking she is still blaming you for everything and it is time for her to move on, like you did, so that you can heal together and be happy.
Best of luck to you both !
First of all, congradulations on getting clean. That is a major step. How long have you been married to your wife? Were you already addicted when you got married or did it start during the marriage? Not saying that this is a factor, but sometimes when your judgement is clouded with drugs and alcohol you tend to ignore (subconsciously) what's going on around you and even the toxic relationships you are in. This may have been going on for a long time but you didn't look at it the same as you did before because now your mind is clear. Also, I want to say that it takes two to make a marriage/ relationship work and if she is continuing this behavior and can't admit she has a problem, and refuses counseling then I think the solution to the problem is obvious, as Rockrose said- LEAVE.
seek some help if your comming out of something a month is not long to turn back so dont let her kill your spirit if you are the man in your home claim it dont let her do that to you I know about that air and auther its no good maybe she can get a small fan its still winter out
Rock, I didn't see the most obvious solution in your choices - why don't you leave?
Do you have kids?
Your two choices seem kind of pointless if you don't have children that you need to stay for - reporting her, and seeking help for yourself are secondary choices to just leaving her.
Best wishes.
Do you have kids?
Your two choices seem kind of pointless if you don't have children that you need to stay for - reporting her, and seeking help for yourself are secondary choices to just leaving her.
Best wishes.
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