what should i do????

[worried36969]

i had a baby with this guy a over a year ago i felt like i was in love with him, then in the past 3 or 4 months i felt has if i was falling out of love with him the reason being is i started to see a different side to him he started being i'm not sure if abuseive would be the word but he would grab my throat when he got mad at me, he would smak my baby in his head because he was crying it started when he was like 4 months. but i stayed with him i have no idea why?? people told me he was cheating on me, but i was not sure wether to belive it or not? but lately i felt has if he may not be good to have around. then i started thinking maybe i should be with him he is my sons dad and who else is goin to want me? i haven't talked to him for about a month but maybe if i could get him into anger mangement he would be better? i don't know i don't want to put myself in danger or my son!!!  what should i do? do you guys think i should stay and try to get him to go to anger managment  = and will it even work,? is it worth my time? any advise would be great thanks.

[ljayne]

its simple you have got to get out of the relationship for your childs sake it its not fair on him... you are his mum and you have a responsibility to protect you child

[gagootza]

trust me get out of that relationship as soon as you can,i don't care how much you think you love him but when he starts grabbing your throat and smaking your baby then its time to get out of it.he sounds like a real violent person or a control freak.if he don't get his way he could snap and really hurt you and your baby.a relationship like that doesn't get better ,it just gets worse as time goes on.in the mean time if he touches you again call the police and have him arrested for assult and then put a restraining order on him.do it before its too late.you shouldn't even have to think twice about it.be careful and keep your guard up.sinceerely pete

[jewelscute1]

I forgot to mention about your child being hit, do you want your child to beat on someone like he is doing to your child?  It is a cycle that is handed down from generation to generation.  Don't allow your child to turn into an abuser.  That is something that motivates me.  I would never want my daughter to be with someone like her father (she is 8 and hates him thank god) but I would never want my son to turn into his father.  Hopefully he hasn't had that type of effect on him because he is 7 and spent most of his life growing up with him not around.  I will see....

[jewelscute1]

The only, let me repeat, the ONLY person that can change is him and he is the ONLY person that has to want it.  9 times out of 10, once an abuser, always an abuser.  I only think that slight percentage of abusers that change, something traumatic happens.  Me and my friend were talking about this tonight, both of us were in abusive relationships for years.  She was saying how she'll never be over her babies dad, 2 kids 8 years apart, she was 16, dropped out of high school, beat, you name it, but she will never be over it and she has to stop herself and tell herself to shut up every time she misses him.  And they haven't been together for like 5 years or more and she is even married to a wonderful guy.  She also was stating how once someone puts their hands on another, their relationship is damaged for life.  He may not hit another girl one day but he would always hit her.  I lean towards that theory because I have been dealing with my kids father for the past 12 years, on and off.  We have that type of merry go round, where we'll be together for awhile and then separate, getting back together was our honeymoon stage (even if it is longer than a few days, weeks or months - we have turned into years!!)..  Good luck...  

[mami1323]

I think I would fear more for my child's safety then my own.  If he can just smack your child in the head when it's crying then how could you ever feel comfortable having this man around your child at all?  Even if he's the father.  I would leave if not for my own self but for the safety and well being of my baby.  So please get the strength from that.  Believe me, you will be wanted.  He probably verbally abuses you and makes you feel like you can't get any better.  Eventually you believe this.  Please help yourself and your child.  

[KATE535]

I stayed with an abusive partner because he was the father of my two children for years. He was not extremely abusive but was the type to lash out/ hit me when he got very very angry about something, he also occaisonally smacked my two boys resulting in my intervention. I hate smacking and always wanted to protect them - so then he'd lash out at me instead. This only happened occasionally, but it was enough to realise he didn't respect me and the three of us deserved better. Eventually I left him, because the abuse doesn't stop in men who think hitting others is acceptable, it's part of their nature.
My children are so much happier now, and I have my freedom and happiness also.

It sounds like you are heading for living in an abusive realstionship for the rest of your life, unless you leave him, for good. He can still be a part of the baby's life.
Also ''who else would want me??'' - My now-partner is the most incredible handsome, caring man I've ever met - I had 2 kids when I met him, he still fell in love with me, and soon loved my boys too.

Leave him, and wait for a great man to come into your lives, who you and your tot deserve to be looked after by.

[babypooh]

Whether he cheated on you or not, he's still abusive and that doesn't change.  You need to get out of that relationship, if not for yourself, then for your baby. Things will not get better and I don't think you want to hang around to see how bad they get.  You will surely find someone in your future who will treat you and your baby right. What good is it to stay with your baby's father if your baby might be physically and verbally abused later? I'm sure he'd be grateful in the future for your decision to leave such a bad relationship.  There's no excuse for physical abuse. Good luck with everything.

[katarina777]

PS: I don't question your judgement. I am glad you are talking about this. All advice is easier said than done, and you need support for yourself.

[katarina777]

leave, worried!  I am sure there are many more issues, and also reasons that have kept you from leaving, other than that you 'just don't know', or that perhaps no other man will want you. I can assure you, that the latter won't be the case, just because you have a child.

If at all possible get counseling for yourself.  If you stay with an abusive man, and yes, it is ABUSE, you will also be held responsible around, and for the lid's sake, if this ever comes to involve the courts, any of it. (i.e. even child support stuff)

You need to leave, and you need to get help. Maybe women space? I am not sure about where to send you, but I am sure that you need to get away from him.

Anger management may be nice for him, but that is after you leave, and for him to do on his own.

Best wishes to you, kat

[Kim1989]

so he abused you and abused your child. this cant be real!

why would you stay with him. you need to leave! and if you allow someone to hit your child (who was what you said 4 months when this happened) and dont leave...i question you