what do the eyes say

[nieszner]

I have this girl i am very much in love with.I just recently lost my wife to cancer we were married 33 years i have not been out in the singles thing for a long time.Anyway here is my delema  all the sudden when we are out together walking in the mall or anywhere i notice a lot of men looking @ my girl and so i was wanting to know why  ths was happening so when i noticed a man looking at her i would look to see where my girl friend was looking and it turns out that her eyes are looking at him this is not just once in a while its almost like she cannot resist looking at other men now i know this sounds strange but i am very serious about this woman she is 49 years old i do not know if she seems to need this kind of attention or what i have mensioned it to her she clams she is not doing this but she says she will work on it.then it stops for a while then starts back up can anybody shed any light on this for me PLEASE

[teko]

Could it be that you are insecure in your relationship with this lady? I mean, why do you notice this so much? We  women can feel someone looking at us (at least I can) and tend to look back but is usally something that I do without thinking about it. We women have to know our surroundings and take special care to know if danger is about us. Sad but true. Maybe your just super sensative right now and if that is the case, you will calm down as your relationship matures. I too am sorry to hear about your wife.

[mami1323]

I to am sorry for your loss.  That is not something someone gets over easily and for you to be moving on is wonderful.  As for your girlfriend, well I would look at it as a compliment that all these men find your woman attractive.  I used to let it bother me when women would stare at my fiance when I was with him but I just let it slide off my back and say, they wished they could have what I have.  If it's just a glance and they lock eyes, than I wouldn't worry about it.  If it goes further and she smiles or winks, than that would concern me.  But like jo said, be careful that you aren't getting too involved too quickly with someone and making a bad choice just because you don't want to be alone.  Make sure she is right for you.

[jo929]

i am sorry that you lost your wife, it is a sad thing to lose ones loved one, but to get back to your question is she much younger than you> that will make a difference, also have you went with anyone else, one can be very vulnerable at a time like this, so make sure she is the right one before you commit yourself, it is hard to undo something,sometimes one can get so lonely they get to anxious and do what they may later regret, i am not saying she is wrong for you, just make sure, she is the right one for you as to looking, i am not real sure what to tell you it may be harmless then again who knows. luck  jo

[Judy246]

I agree 100% with Specialmom as always :) and I would also like to extend my deepest condolences on the passing of your wife. 33 years of marriage was significant and I'm pleased that you have reached a point where you feel you can start a new life, because you deserve to be happy also.

I feel that looking is just human nature and we all do it. I try never to make my fiance feel disrespected, but it just happens. Consider it a compliment that men notice her at age 49, that means she looks great and she has choose you. My fiance takes notice when men look at me and that's alot, but he's proud that I am with him and I am respectful towards him. I also agree with Specialmom that this is a new relationship and  you are both just starting to get to know each other. As a woman, I'm flattered when I get noticed at my age (lol). I get a kick out of it, but if my fiance was bothered by it, his feeling to me come first and I would definate respect him and try not to cause unecessary issues, so take it for what it's worth, a glance and move on. If you feel it continues then you might mentioned to her that you noticed her response to men's glance, but we all do it and although bothersome I would wait until the relationship is more solid as Specialmom noted, before addressing any concerns. Good Luck, Judy

[specialmom]

First of all, let me say I am very sorry about the loss of your wife.  You were married such a long time and I am sure that you have many emotions surrounding her death.  I hope you have peace and comfort in your heart.

As to your new lady, well---------  how is everything else in your relationship?  Do you get along well, communicate like champs, see eye to eye (so to speak) on things?  If your relationship is terrific, I would try not to let this bother you so much.  Looking is harmless, really.  It can be inconsiderate, for sure.  But if you have a great relationship and are secure in  her feelings for you, then she may just be glancing and they lock eyes.  It doesn't have to mean that she is interested and wanting to leave you for them or seeking their attention.  It could.  But time will tell with that.  This is a new relationship, and you are both learning what you like and don't like about each other.  As more and more of her character is revealed, you will have your answer as to what type of woman she is. On the surface, this seems like something you may try to not let bother you when all other areas of your relationship are solid.

My husband will ocassionally look and when he catches me watching him, he'll say in all seriousness-------  I was just noticing her outfit and thinking about how good that would look on you!  I just can't get mad at him after that.  But I am not threatened by him looking.  So we laugh at it.

You may be vulnerable emotionally now after the loss of your wife, so keep that in mind.  Good luck!!