Normal pulmonary artery pressure is usually stated to be 25/10. A right ventricular systolic pressure (RVSP) of 40 is thus minimally elevated. Depending on the degree of mitral regurgitation, it could contribute to a rise in pulmonary artery pressure.
It is true that pulmonary hypertension (PH) poses a considerable risk to both mother and fetus. You should request further information from the pulmonary hypertension unit (PHU) doctor on why he/she believes that you do not have PH. If this consultant is correct, then one would not consider termination of pregnancy. You should seriously consider requesting a second opinion from another PHU doctor or another cardiologist. One way or another you should do whatever is necessary to resolve this issue, which may require cardiac catheterization. The correct diagnosis carries important implications for pregnancy and the management of the mitral insufficiency. In addition, there is the possibility that you do have PH that is either primary or caused by something else such as recurrent pulmonary emboli or an undiagnosed left to right shunt.
You are a young woman, and in the interest of your current and future health, this issue must be resolved now.
An echo cannot diagnose PH. Only a right heart cath is accurate, as an echo is only an estimate. Many times people have elevated pulmonary pressures secondary to a left heart problem, like mitral valve regurgitation. Did your latest echo mention the severity of mitral problem? It sounds to me like someone over-reacted, and I would believe the PH guy if he is truly a PH specialist. An EP doctor is for the electrical problems of the heart, like arrhythmias, so you probably don't need to see one. Ask the PH doctor about birth control, but if he said you don't have PH, then you don't need to worry about birth control from that angle anyway. Then check with your gyne.