Am I the source of HPV on her cervix despite latex condom use ?

[Fisherman888]

im in an 18 month relationship in which latex condoms have been used exclusively and without a failure. My GF claims she has HPV and intends to have a 'freeze' procedure of her cervix. Previous to our relationship she was married for 15 years. Is it possible I am the source of this issue despite condom use ? I realize HPV can be spread by areas not covered by the condom but if that is true, why is a 'freeze' of the cervix necessary ? How could HPV get to that area?

[auntiejessi]

Your GF has high risk HPV. These are certain strains of it - her doctor will be able to tell her which one she has. It doesn't matter much here, except that these are strains that affect the cervix. HPV is a genital infection, meaning it can affect the entire genital area. Just because she may have been infected through skin on her vulva, for example, it doesn't mean that the high risk strain won't affect her cervix.

It's important that she gets the cryotherapy. She has abnormal cells on her cervix which could lead to cancer if she doesn't.

Condoms reduce the risk significantly, but not entirely - https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMoa053284

Now, did you give it to her or did her ex? Who knows? You'll never know, and does it really matter? Do you give her oral? It's possible, though not as likely, that you could have it in your throat and transmit it to her orally.

How long prior to you was she last with her husband?

She could have had this prior to your relationship, you could have had it prior to the relationship, or maybe you both did. It's estimated now that about 90% will get HPV in their lifetimes at least once. Don't worry about who gave it to her. Just support her.

Here's some info on cryotherapy that you can read so you know what to expect when she goes through it - https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/cancer/cervical-cancer/what-cryotherapy

[Fisherman888]

Thanks AuntiJessi.   I agree the origin can be unknown but she is pointing the finger at me.  Didn't know HPV can be transmitted thru the skin and appear on the cervix, that HPV is strong stuff. Thanks for the cryotherapy information.  

[auntiejessi]

Ohhh yeah, tell her the blame game has no winners. Even if you are her source, you couldn't have known you had it - high risk HPV has no symptoms, and there is no test for HPV in men.

She voluntarily had sex with you for 18 months. I'm sure she knew you weren't a virgin prior to meeting her, so that means there's a risk. Even if you both had undergone STD testing, it wouldn't have detected HPV if you had it.

Listen, her blaming her husband means he cheated, most likely, so that will be hard for her to accept, unless she already knows that. You are an easy fall guy here. Even if she already knows her husband cheated, it's still another thing to accept that he cheated AND because of that, she now has an STD. It's a lot to take in.

Hang in there. There's a lot of stigma around STDs, but most of us will have HPV at some point.