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17401092 tn?1456356755

Did I just screw up our girlfriend's sex life?

I posted this in Men's health but I think it fits better over here.

Wife and I met a recent divorce female who happens to be much younger than us.  We click almost instantly, fast friends!  One night wife and our friend were discussing the topic of threesomes, our girlfriend told her she would be interested in participating in group sex with the two of us, it was just talk but the sexual attraction was definitely there between the three of us.  I won't go into the Penthouse forum article that ended up happening between us, let's just say it happened.  We have been monogamous our entire marital life up to this point.

It happened this past Thursday night after a night of social drinking.  Let me backtrack just a bit, I believe I acquired my HSV2 from a girlfriend I was dating in 1989.  She told me she had genital herpes and I was ok with it.

I never got diagnosed but shortly after I started dating my wife in 1991, she had major symptoms related to genital herpes.  I never disclosed that I had an ex-girlfriend that had herpes before we had sex, I honestly didn't think I had it.  She said she loved me and it didn't matter.  I still have etched in my mind that horrific patch of blisters on her left thigh that just as soon as it started to heal, another larger group of blisters erupted!  

I know this is long and drawn out and I ramble, sorry but I'm REALLY distraught right now and have to vent, and English isn't my first language.  Back to our girlfriend this past Thursday night.  I made her fully aware that I have genital herpes.  I rarely see an outbreak, when I do it feels like a dull pain in my scrotum, most of the time I only notice it after it has started to heal, it for the most part is centered on my scrotum sometimes a bit to the left but it resembles a shallow volcano when it has almost healed.  Since I don't have many outbreaks from what I read I most likely shed asymptomatic.  I washed my penis and scrotum with soap and warm water, I dried very well examined my scrotum with a bright light and didn't notice any sores or weeping areas.  I wiped with an antiseptic wipe and applied a condom.  I had oral and penetrative sex with this woman while she was orally pleasuring my wife.  

Our friend came over to our home Monday night and said she had to leave work early and take a nap around 2pm before she picked up her daughter from daycare.  She also had a headache that she said felt very unusual.  Today my wife ran into her and she said she still has that very strange headache.....I AM FREAKING OUT!  I see that early symptoms in primary genital herpes headache and fatigue are very common.  I know we disclosed, but this is a very attractive young woman who is recently single and I'm feeling like I just ruined her dating life.
10 Responses
Avatar universal
You and your wife should test immediately!

There is no real proof you have genital herpes. What you describe are not really symptoms of herpes. Blisters on your wife's thigh (how close to the knee was it?) also does not sound like genital herpes.

Herpes does not cause headaches generally and never without lesions and other symptoms.

All up I think you are reaching conclusions that most if not all are wrong.
17401092 tn?1456356755
Fleetwood20, thank you for the response. Wife and I both tested positive after she had symptoms back when we first started dating. We know our status, have been monogamous up until last week.

From all that I have read on the internet over the last couple days, it seems like headaches, flu-like symptoms, fatigue, are early symptoms of true primary infection with genital herpes.  Seems to happen with 4-7 days from initial infection during incubation period.  Make sense if the virus is affecting the nervous system, and replicating before making their way back to the site of infection.

Confused, does the blistering generally happen at the same time or generally days or weeks later?  I read symptoms happen between 2-20 days.  She also mentioned that none of the over counter pain meds have diminished her headaches.  I know I'm assuming that they are related to early symptoms of infection, but one thing I have learned in life is there is no such thing as coincidence!  I just feel really terrible that a night of lust may challenge our friend while she is just getting back into the dating scene.  
17401092 tn?1456356755
Fleetwood20, the site of initial infection on my wife was her left inner thigh perhaps 3 inches below her genitals.  First she thought it was a bug bite. It started as a red patch with a single blister that soon became a much larger area and more blisters.  Doctor took one look and said it was herpes.  As the blisters started to scab, another group of even more numerous blisters emerged!  Now when she feels tingling she takes antivirals and generally has not blister or perhaps just redness or a solo tiny blister.
3149845 tn?1506631371
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with Fleetwood that the young girl is not showing symptoms with a headache. Stats show that its 1 in 1000 per episode that a person acquired herpes. Those most at risk are in long term mono relationships where one person is infected.
17401092 tn?1456356755
Life360_Dave,  thank you for the response.  I know the stats say it's a long shot, but you would have to know me and realize that if I didn't have bad luck, I'd have no luck at all!

I was dating my wife for less than two months when I infected her.  Granted, I didn't know my status.  We did use condoms initially as I always did with my new girlfriends but my outbreak happens on my scrotum which is never protected by the condom.  We surely had a lot of sex as couples tend to do in new relationships, but I can guarantee it wasn't anywhere near 1000 times or even 100 times before she contracted hsv.

If our girlfriend actually has contracted this virus from me.  I can definitely say it was asymptomatic shedding!  I would guess it could also be that she could contract it by fingering and licking my wife's genitals.  I read that that would be really low risk.  Especially hsv II transmission orally.  So basically you have what we assume is one hsv negative female in close sexual contact with two hsv positive partners in the same evening.  I know I'm going down a rabbit hole, I appreciate the answers.  I will wait and see if she presents with any other symptoms.  I assume that if she doesn't within 30 days, she should probably get tested at that time or perhaps a few weeks later to be sure of her status.  
3149845 tn?1506631371
COMMUNITY LEADER
How do you know your scrotum issues are herpes? That has t be the most difficut areas for herpes to appear as the skin is to thick to travel to the surface.
17401092 tn?1456356755
Well that is where if I have a sore it shows up over the years.  If the skin is too thick as I have seen stated elsewhere for it to travel to the surface, perhaps it travels just below the final layers of skin most of the time, is unseen but is able to naturally flake off and be rubbed into your partners skin by friction of genitals rubbing together.
3149845 tn?1506631371
COMMUNITY LEADER
Tell us more about the test you had that showed positive for hsv2?
17401092 tn?1456356755
Girlfriend came over for a bit last night.  Headache gone but she is looking out for other symptoms
3149845 tn?1506631371
COMMUNITY LEADER
Tell us more about the test you had
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