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Herpes? Others?

Hello,

I had sex with a new partner less than a week ago. It may be worth mentioning that we had sex 3 other times in the past month with no issues. She had her last sexual experience in Dec and mine was in Aug. About 2 days after having sex this last time, we both had symptoms....she initially thought it was a UTI and went to her doctor (this was before I had any symptoms). I started to get some small bumps/blisters at the base of my penis and in the pubic hair area. Yesterday she got had more symptoms (headache, back pain) and went to the urgentcare where (a reckless...I think) nurse said it was "probably herpes". Now we are both freaked out. They did take a culture and we are waiting for results....and I have a doctors appt tomorrow where I will ask for a blood test. I have no other symptoms, and saw online where there are multiple other things it could be, like a yeast infection, syphlyis, moscullum, etc, I would take all of those over Herpes.

2 Questions:
-Is it common for both people, seemingly monogamous, to get this? I have read that people can carry it without symptoms...could one of our past partners have given it to us?
-Is it common that we would both break out simultaneously if it was Herpes?
-Could it be something else? I only have 1 symptom, and we both broke out together?

Just trying to get some info before I go see the doctor and get a blood test...maybe help me sleep tonight :-)
7 Responses
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207091 tn?1337709493
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there -

There is no such thing as being a "carrier" for herpes.  You either have it or you don't.  Even someone with no outbreaks still has it.

Did you give it to her?  Maybe.  Did she have a blood test done?  If she did, and it was positive, then you will never know who had it first, or if you both coincidentally had it before.  If it matters to her, she can have a type specific IgG (skim the IgM as its usless and not reliable at all), and if its negative now, then its a new infection for her.  If its positive, then she most likely had this before.  She should do this quickly though - many people develop antibodies in as little as 3 weeks.

Blaming is ridiculous, unless you knew you had it and didn't tell her.  90% of people with hsv2 don't know they have it.  As an adult, she knew that sex ALWAYS has risk - whether its physical or emotional.

Oral sex is not out, thank god.  :)  Oral hsv2 is rare, so unless you have an outbreak, I wouldn't worry about oral sex.

Condoms reduce the risk of transmitting herpes by about 50%, but you will also reduce your risk by taking suppression, such as daily valtrex (convenient one a day dosing, but expensive unless you have great insurance) or acyclovir (twice a day dosing, but way cheaper).  

If you take suppression, the rates of transmitting this to a negative partner are about 4% a year.  If you used condoms and meds, its about 2-3% a year.

You should check out the herpes handbook for more info - www.westoverheights.com and also check out the herpes homepage - www.herpeshomepage.com.  Click on support forums if you are interested in a message board for support.

Good luck!

AJ
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
So the doc called this morning...IgM was negative and IgG was positive. After reading all of the threads on this site, I realize I should have asked more questions...about levels and such. I like my doctor but he is a primary care doc and seems to not be extremely well versed in STD's. What do I make of these results? Since I don't have active infection but carry the virus (my interpretation of what he said), does that mean I gave it to her? Could she have fgiven it to me? Could we both alreeady have had it? I am having feelings of guilt that I have given this to someone...Please explain.

Also, now what? If she and I break up (which I supsect will hapeen as she kind of already blames me), I realize I can have protected sex...and I do plan on telling partners that I am asymptomatic...does this mean no more oral sex though? Are there condoms that work for oral?

Thanks in advance for the help....
Helpful - 0
207091 tn?1337709493
COMMUNITY LEADER
Yes, you could easily have both.

Good luck with all this, and feel better!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank you for the supportive and informative information. She had a culture taken, so it's pretty positive that she has it. I had my blood work today so Ishould know before the end of the week. I wonder if I can show Molluscum but also carry HSV2? Maybe "asymptomatic" and gave it to her without knowing? I guess I will know Friday.

Thanks again....
Helpful - 0
207091 tn?1337709493
COMMUNITY LEADER
How was she diagnosed?  A visual diagnosis for herpes is wrong 70% of the time.

She should have some blood work done to confirm this.  Symptoms can appear at any time, but since you both have symptoms at the same time, it would be strange for her's to be hsv2, and yours to be molluscum, ya know?

She can also get molluscum from you.

If she does indeed have hsv2, your chances of getting it from her are slim.  If all you did was avoid sex when she has symptoms, you have a 4% chance of getting it from her per year.  If she were to take suppression, such as daily valtrex or acyclovir, you would have a 2% chance of getting it per year.  If she used meds and you all used condoms, it would be a 1% chance.

Keep in mind if this sounds high for some reason, that you have a higher chance of her getting pregnant on the pill than getting herpes if she's on meds.  You have a much higher chance of her getting pregnant if all you do is use condoms for birth control.

You also have a higher chance of getting the mumps after vaccination than of getting herpes from her.

Just some perspective.  Its up to you if you think you can handle the chance of getting it at some point.  If you can't, it would be kinder to let her go now so she can find someone who can.

Keep in mind though, that 1 in 4 women have hsv2, and 90% of them don't know it.  You would be safer with someone who knows it, and knows what precautions to take than someone who has it but doesn't know it.

Good luck,
AJ

Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Update...she has been positively diagnosed with HSV2 and according to my doctors visual exam, I do not have it...but I do have Molluscum. Just to be safe, since I have been exposed or may be "asymptomatic", he drew blood...for the IgM and IgG tests.

This is all so confusing. Now I am more worried for her (I was worried for both of us before). How do symptoms just show up if she had sex back in December? Aren't symptoms supposed to appear within weeks? If my tests come back negative, what do I do? If we both have it, that would suck, but we could still stay together (once you are infected...thats is right?)....but if only she has it, how do we stay together? Am I then gambling that I won't get it at some point?
Helpful - 0
207091 tn?1337709493
COMMUNITY LEADER
It would be strange for you all to get outbreaks like that at the same time.

They should check you for staph as well.

A herpes blood test isn't a bad idea, but make sure you get an IgG type specific blood test.

AJ
Helpful - 0
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