I am In absolute disgust, shame and sorrow.
I let myself down, and have let my OCD act up after i have promised to respect it and my health.
I am utterly shocked how I let that happen.
I went on a date with a guy i met online, he is a residential psych doctor.
Next time, we were supposed to be on the rooftop but we somehow ended up in his damn apartment.. saying “ when it gets less crowded we will go “
I cannot believe how he insisted on having unprotected sex. He asked when was the last time I got tested, we had the talk then we had one protected sex that night. He kept luring me into having unprotected sex, I kept bullying him about how it’s not the right thing to do and that I will have severe anxiety. I kept asking him if he is surely tested and has not had unprotected sex post testing, he said yes.
Given that I am a sucker for titles due to OCD, and authority means peace. I felt that there is no way this psychiatrist doctor will give me something... “he is a good human being” i went for it Then immediately immediately felt horrible, disgusting and ashamed.
This was on Saturday, i have no idea how to feel down there. I am feeling everything. I believe a little burn, but it could be from my medication.
I found 2 pimples on each side in the inner sides of my butt cheeks. I assumed it’s bacteria blockage it was hot and sweaty today from walking. Also, i passed stool twice or three times today.
I have been having the urge to urinate alot, or maybe i am forcing myself just so I can see if I will encounter pain.
I am not fully blaming him... but it is fair to stop at NO when I say NO and not attempt to convince me, lure me or seduce me. Especially after admitting to Having bad anxiety.
He surprisingly wasn’t going to finish, but i asked then why even did u wanna have sex again? He claimed to be tired but later, he did finish.
My OCD is killing me, my anxiety is insane. I feel like I am going to throw up!
I spoke to him on our first date about my fears... seems like he took the comfort that I am absolutely checked. And that’s what I hate about my OCD, it appeals to people.
He said his results are with his hospital, he also said, should i test again and show you?
I am literally going to puke. I cannot believe i did this.