Why did I do it? I'm a BAD person to my partner!

[johnjkau]

I know you have heard this before but my fiance has been away for many months now and I went out last night, got drunk and ended up seeing a sex worker in a parlour.

We had protected sex and protected oral sex from her standpoint but I gave her oral (just licking her clitoris) sex unprotected (I should have used a dam or better yet not have done it in the first place). We also kissed and I thought I might have had a mouth ulcer somewhere in my mouth but I can't seem to find it.

My reasons were that I've been suffering performance related problems for a long time and I just wanted to see if someone else could get it up fully (although the drunkiness didnt help). Sometimes we will go to extreme measures for validation.

I think of myself now as a BAD person and I don't feel that I'm worthy of my fiance. I want to try and resolve this with myself as she is back in a month and I want to be the best person I can be towards her.

My question is that we always have unprotected sex (as she is on the pill) and we both had our sex health checkups and came clean. What could I have contracted from my encounter - as I know I'm being paranoid but I need some validation?

I can't tell her what I've studpidly done as I don't want to waste the relationship. Should I be fine to have unprotected sex with her again? I'm scared if I use a condom with her then that could cause a different effect?

I know I'm a BAD person now but please help me out as I find these boards encouraging and offer a glimmer of hope.

Sorry for the double post as I posted it in the wrong forum.

John

[oatmeal123]

i have cheated at my gf as well,,,and i didnt think i had any stds,,,but im now i notice that i got a bump/sore looking thingy on my penis,,,i had unprotected sex with her b4 i notice this,,and i feel like ****,,,i think i might have syphilis ,,i feel so depress but i wanna make sure that i dont have any std,,,oh how i wish i never done this horrible thing

[2terrified]

I've been cheated on as well. But i'm not going to judge anyone who is a cheater.  You sound remorseful and sometimes love requires that the other person not know things that would hurt them.  But i believe that only in cases where there is remorse and the lesson is learned and never done again.

[double_the_Vee]

wow. im sure if you tolled her yet (which you should) but when u do, she'll probably dumb your ***, and if not she'll never let this go which in that case you'll have to constantly use protection for a VERYY long time. oral std are kinda rare. depending if you've had/have one.
yea, i've been cheated on and he never let me know, luckily, i didn't get anything.
but yea...you are pretty horrible, but than again. you a DUDE, guys do that ****.

good luck.

[2terrified]

You are human.  And if you keep up this guilt complex, you will give yourself away whether or not you got an std from this experience.  Oral std's are rare.  The mouth is a hostile environment for them.  So, you would most likely not have gotten an oral std from giving oral sex.  If I were you, I would move past it if you don't want your guilt to give you away.