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Ureaplasma question - Help!

I'll try to keep this short, but bear with me. I've been with my wife for almost 20 years and she has been my ONLY sexual partner except for 1 encounter I had a few years ago (stupid, I know). I panicked after that one instance and got tested for STDs - all came back fine except I was told I came back positive for ureaplasma. The doc said it's very common and that I could have had this for years - it's possible since my wife had a few sexual partners before we met. I was very worried I just contracted this, but I guess we'll never know. Anyway, doc said no need to treat ureaplasma if it's not causing symptoms.

Fast forward a few years and I've got an infection from ureaplasma that my doc will be treating with antibiotics and he suggests my wife also get tested and treated since we're in a monogamous relationship and she probably has it too. I'm terrified she will test negative and I'll be caught, but what are the odds of that, considering:

1) She may have given it to me in the first place

2) If she didn't have it before I picked it up a few years ago, she must have it by now since we don't use protection, right?

Am I worried for no reason here?
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Avatar universal
Of course you do know she could have cheated on you as well.  At any rate, you have no choice but to tell her because if you don't you'll pass it back forth to one another possibly anyway.  Don't ever mention you're cheating.  You had it before and it's possible it has flared up.  Or at least tell her that if she asks.  And don't ask if she cheated.  Your marriage is more important than a little human frailty.  Peace.
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207091 tn?1337709493
COMMUNITY LEADER
Ureaplasma can also occur naturally. It lives in our urinary tracts normally, but can also be sexually transmitted.

https://www.better2know.co.uk/std-sti-testing/ureaplasma

The thing is, though, now that you've gone to the doctor without telling your wife, or had symptoms without telling her, got tested and waited for results without telling her, she might be suspicious, unless it's normal for you to go without telling her.

I agree with Pax though - there's no reason to bring up the cheating since this is a naturally occuring bacteria.
Helpful - 1
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Thanks. To be clear, I’m not suggesting I tell her about cheating. As ashamed and guilty as I feel, there’s no benefit for anyone for me to ever bring it up.

My point is if she tests negative then it will be obvious I got it somewhere else, right? But what are the odds she could be negative? I probably got it from her in the first place but even if I contracted it after cheating, she would have it by now since we’ve had sex dozens of times since I cheated. Right?

One more thing- the sample I provided that tested positive was provided 3 days after the sexual contact. Isn’t the window period for ureaplasma longer than that anyway? Meaning I must have had this before the  encounter?
Yes. Three days is very soon for any STD to appear on testing. Ureaplasma usually takes around 10 days, or longer.

There's no way to know if the ureaplasma found in the past was from sex in the past or naturally occuring, and at this point, it doesn't even matter. Now you can tell your wife you had symptoms of a UTI, they did urine testing, and found ureaplasma, and to make sure you're cured, she needs to be treated, because even though it's naturally occuring, you can pass it back and forth.

I agree that there's no benefit of mentioning it. Good for you, sincerely.
Thanks - this genuinely puts my mind at ease.
You're welcome. Best to you both.
Sorry to go backwards here, but there's something about knowing I did not contract the ureaplasma from my one act of infidelity that helps me rest easier.

Given that the sample was provided only 3 days after exposure, is it truly reasonable for me say there's very little chance (or no chance) ureaplasma would show up that quickly? You said it typically takes 10+ days to appear - I hadn't heard that.

Looking for some closure on this so I can get on with my life...
Yes, 3 days would be early for most any STD. Chlamydia, gonorrhea, NGU - the very earliest they can be detected is 3 days. Most experts suggest waiting at least 5 days. Some say 2 weeks - I agree more with 5 days, unless you get symptoms sooner.

Others take even longer. Ureaplasma doesn't seem to have a clinical standard, probably because it's naturally occuring, but everything I've read suggests the earliest is 10 days for testing for a sexually transmitted ureaplasma.

I can't say no chance, but I'd say you can let it go. Rest easy.
Thanks again for humouring my rampant anxiety about this - anxiety is a major problem for me in general. There's still a part of me that is terrified my wife will test negative and we will have to have a very awkward conversation about my fidelity. Based on the facts as I know them, the odds would seem to be against her testing negative, right? I know you mentioned it can be naturally occurring, but can I really suggest this with a straight face?

I'm sorry for not letting this go - panicking over here.
Yes, you can suggest that with a straight face.

Are you treating your anxiety? Medication and/or therapy? Seems like it would be helpful now.
Yes, I'm treating my anxiety with meds and with therapy. As for my other question - even if I contracted UU via my one act of infidelity, is it possible my wife will not test positive if we've had sex, say, 30 times since then? This is keeping me up at night.
I can not tell you that she won't test positive. What I can tell you is that she won't know that it's from infidelity or a naturally occuring infection. She has ureaplasma in her body, too. Her test might be positive without ever having met you.

This isn't chlamydia - that's a sure sign of infidelity. This is a naturally occuring bacteria that can just happen to cause infections. You went outside your marriage a few years ago. We've been over it all. It's time to let it go. Forgive yourself.
Sorry I meant it in a different way. I'm actually hoping she tests positive (sorry if that is harsh). She has no symptoms anyway, but if she's positive it at least brings into question whether she's had this for some time so she likely won't immediately jump to infidelity. If she's negative it makes for a much more awkward conversation and I'm not sure I could handle that.

This is truly terrifying. I'm happily married with 3 beautiful children and I strayed once, in a moment where I was barely coherent as a result of alcohol. I know that's not an excuse. I can't help but think this one mistake will cause everything to come crashing down.
If she's negative, it would lend itself to just being a UTI.

You don't hurt small puppies. You made a mistake. Let it go. Go take a walk or listen to music or watch a game or do whatever it is you do that distracts you. Call your therapist. Use grounding techniques. Make yourself step out of the spiral.

Look up catastrophic thinking. I'm not your therapist, or a therapist at all, but it seems like that's what you're doing - we see it here all the time.
I think you make a great point, and it's comforting to me. If she's negative she will likely just assume I had a UTI that didn't spread to her. She would have no reason to look it up or suspect anything is amiss - although my catastrophic thinking has me worried her doc will test her and suggest something is up if I'm positive and she's negative.
I forgot to say - thanks for all the support. I know you're not a therapist, but you would likely be a great one. I'm working on my anxiety issues.
A lot of doctors don't even believe ureaplasma is an STD - you're putting a lot of faith in docs that they don't deserve lol.

You're welcome, and thank you for the kind words. :) Just go be happy and at peace.

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