Welcome to the forum. Thanks for your question.
It is common for patients with genital herpes due to HSV-1, and persons potentially exposed to the virus, to have questions and confusion. Genital herpes is the most complex of all STDs, other than HIV/AIDS, in issues like transmission, symptoms, treatment, and so on. Many physicians are not up to speed. However, your question suggests you have seen some of our responses on this forum (thank your for looking for questions similar to your own). Here are links to three threads that started with questions pretty much like yours. You may have seen one or more of them.
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Recently-diagnosed-with-Genital-Herpes-HSV1/show/969931
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Herpes-Confuses-Me/show/1414935
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Asymptomatic-Shedding-hsv-1/show/1274603
A couple of general comments: Genital herpes due to HSV-1 has many important differences compared with HSV-2. Most important, you are less likely to have recurrent outbreaks, and if you do, they likely will be infrequent; you are less likely to have asymptomatic shedding of the virus; and for both reasons you are less likely to transmit the infection to any partners. In general, I do not prescribe suppressive antiviral therapy to my patients with genital HSV-1. There is no proof it prevents transmission (unlike HSV-2); and in theory, to be effective would have to be taken in larger doses. It is possible that your treatment is preventing outbreaks you otherwise would have, and that it is helping protect your partner. But most likely it is making little or no difference.
To your specific questions:
1) You are unlikely to transmit a genital HSV-1 infection to a partner. Certainly it can happen, but the risks are far lower than for genital HSV-2. The reasons are described in one or more of the threads linked above.
2) I am not aware of any genital to genital HSV-1 transmissions in my 40 years in the STD business. That doesn't mean it can't happen. In fact, I'm sure it does. But it appears to be rare.
3) If you had no oral symptoms during your primary genital HSV-1 infection several months ago, it is unlikely you are infected orally. Assuming you are not, you cannot transmit HSV-1 by kissing or by your oral contact with a partner's genital area.
4) Actually, I'm not sure I agree with your statement about condoms. Even without condoms (and also without valacylovir treatment), I would expect the chance of transmitting your genital HSV-1 to your partner to be low.
5) As implied above, there has been no research on the effectiveness of valacyclovir (Valtrex) on suppressing genital HSV-1. However, we know for sure that HSV-1 is inherently less susceptible to the drug than HSV-2 is. Therefore, to be effective, is is likely that higher doses would be required.
The bottom line is that genital herpes due to HSV-1 usually need not be a big deal. It is reasonable for you to take precautions to protect your partner, but don't go overboard. I suggest you print out this discussion, and perhaps the other threads linked above, and use them as a framework for discussion with your partner. You may jointly decide it's not a big deal at all, and need not interfere significantly with romance, commitment, and mutually rewarding sex.
Best wishes-- HHH, MD