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HIV /HIV-
Dear Doctor Handsfield--
I realized you don't get too many posting from females, but I hope that you do not mind. I am a 25 year-old female, and was diagnosed with HIV about 1 year ago.
I haven't had sex of anything since then, but now I finally met a man (he know of my HIV-status). I had some safe sex questions, which I hope you could respond to. I have consulted with my HIV doctor, but her response was that "it's all Russian Roulette." Not very helpful.
My boyfriend and I have drawn up a plan of action to avoid him getting HIV. Thus, far we have decided:
1. ABSOLUTELY NO anal sex, even with a condom, because a condom can tear easily in the anus. No exceptions here.
2. No peforming cunnilingus on me, because I do not want to expose his mouth to vaginal secretions. No exception here.
3. BUT: I will perform fellatio on him. Can we be sure that he will not get HIV this way? Everything I've read points to this being NO RISK to HIM, ABSENT extenuating circumstances. Is this true? I'd really appreciate your input on this. What would be the extenuating circumstances that I need to be on the lookout for? I'm not liking the idea of using a condom for performing oral on him.
4. Lastly, I wanted to ask about vaginal sex.
Assuming we use LATEX condom (no lambkin, of course!) with ample WATER-based lubricants, AND assuming the condom does NOT fail, can we be sure that I will not transmit HIV to him? Again, this assumes that NO condom failure occurs.
We are willing to take the risk that "condom failure may occur."
But is there enough scientific evidence (i.e., "comfort") to state that a LATEX condom that does not fail will stop HIV trasmission (for vaginal sex, of course). Otherwise, I can totally see where my doctor's "russian roulette" comment derives from.
5. My next goal is to find a more suitable HIV doctor to talk about this. I suspect that saying "it's Russian roulette" is NOT a standard response from most HIV/STD specialist.
As you can see, I'm nervous and scared. I'm REALLY SORRY if my questions come off as TOO scared, doctor.
I realized you don't get too many posting from females, but I hope that you do not mind. I am a 25 year-old female, and was diagnosed with HIV about 1 year ago.
I haven't had sex of anything since then, but now I finally met a man (he know of my HIV-status). I had some safe sex questions, which I hope you could respond to. I have consulted with my HIV doctor, but her response was that "it's all Russian Roulette." Not very helpful.
My boyfriend and I have drawn up a plan of action to avoid him getting HIV. Thus, far we have decided:
1. ABSOLUTELY NO anal sex, even with a condom, because a condom can tear easily in the anus. No exceptions here.
2. No peforming cunnilingus on me, because I do not want to expose his mouth to vaginal secretions. No exception here.
3. BUT: I will perform fellatio on him. Can we be sure that he will not get HIV this way? Everything I've read points to this being NO RISK to HIM, ABSENT extenuating circumstances. Is this true? I'd really appreciate your input on this. What would be the extenuating circumstances that I need to be on the lookout for? I'm not liking the idea of using a condom for performing oral on him.
4. Lastly, I wanted to ask about vaginal sex.
Assuming we use LATEX condom (no lambkin, of course!) with ample WATER-based lubricants, AND assuming the condom does NOT fail, can we be sure that I will not transmit HIV to him? Again, this assumes that NO condom failure occurs.
We are willing to take the risk that "condom failure may occur."
But is there enough scientific evidence (i.e., "comfort") to state that a LATEX condom that does not fail will stop HIV trasmission (for vaginal sex, of course). Otherwise, I can totally see where my doctor's "russian roulette" comment derives from.
5. My next goal is to find a more suitable HIV doctor to talk about this. I suspect that saying "it's Russian roulette" is NOT a standard response from most HIV/STD specialist.
As you can see, I'm nervous and scared. I'm REALLY SORRY if my questions come off as TOO scared, doctor.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Welcome to the STD Forum. Many women have posted questions; you are right about the male predominance, but that is entirely unrelated to my or MedHelp's preference.
Congratulations on the rational approach you are taking to sexual safety and your new partner. With care and caution, he can avoid being infected. I will respond to each of your comments/questions, then add a couple of additional precautions at the end.
1) Good choice about anal sex.
2) Cunnilingus really isn't all that risky; few if any people have ever been infected by that practice and you really need not avoid it. Or if you wish to take that step, you could use a barrier such as saran wrap. (Lots of people recommend latex dental dams, but plastic wrap undoubtedly provides equal protection and many people prefer it.)
3) There are a few reported cases of HIV acquistion from an infected oral partner by fellatio, but it has never been proved and is very low risk. As for cunnlingus, you can reduce the risk to truly zero by using condoms.
4) You are correct that latex condoms, properly used, are virtually 100% protective. "Properly used" means no genital contact (and of course no penetration) until the condom is in place; and withdrawal while still erect, while holding the condom in place on the penis.
5) It is unfortunate that some HIV providers are not truly up to speed on preventing transmission. But they are out there. In most cities in the US (and, I presume, in other industrialized countries) there are community organizations devoted to advice, counseling, and assistance to infected women. Look for one, and get word of mouth advice about providers from other infected people.
The other thing you can and must do is keep track of your own health. You need to know your CD4 count and viral load, which should be checked at least twice a year and perhaps more often, depending on their current values and other factors. When your viral load is low, your risk to your partner is very low, even in the event of condom breakage. If/when you are on antiretroviral therapy (ART), follow the regimen religiously; complying with therapy keeps the viral load low and will markedly reduce the potential for transmission. (There are varying medical opinions about when to start ART, based largely on viral load and CD4 count. But the desire to prevent transmisison is on factor that can and should influence the decision.) Finally, if you get sick, stop having sex until you know what is going on. Some illnesses can transiently raise viral load; it is common sense to assume you may be more infectious if you get influenza, for example.
You may be nervouse and scared, but you strike me as someone with a level head. HIV or not, I think your boyfriend has a good deal going. Best wishes to you--
HHH, MD
Congratulations on the rational approach you are taking to sexual safety and your new partner. With care and caution, he can avoid being infected. I will respond to each of your comments/questions, then add a couple of additional precautions at the end.
1) Good choice about anal sex.
2) Cunnilingus really isn't all that risky; few if any people have ever been infected by that practice and you really need not avoid it. Or if you wish to take that step, you could use a barrier such as saran wrap. (Lots of people recommend latex dental dams, but plastic wrap undoubtedly provides equal protection and many people prefer it.)
3) There are a few reported cases of HIV acquistion from an infected oral partner by fellatio, but it has never been proved and is very low risk. As for cunnlingus, you can reduce the risk to truly zero by using condoms.
4) You are correct that latex condoms, properly used, are virtually 100% protective. "Properly used" means no genital contact (and of course no penetration) until the condom is in place; and withdrawal while still erect, while holding the condom in place on the penis.
5) It is unfortunate that some HIV providers are not truly up to speed on preventing transmission. But they are out there. In most cities in the US (and, I presume, in other industrialized countries) there are community organizations devoted to advice, counseling, and assistance to infected women. Look for one, and get word of mouth advice about providers from other infected people.
The other thing you can and must do is keep track of your own health. You need to know your CD4 count and viral load, which should be checked at least twice a year and perhaps more often, depending on their current values and other factors. When your viral load is low, your risk to your partner is very low, even in the event of condom breakage. If/when you are on antiretroviral therapy (ART), follow the regimen religiously; complying with therapy keeps the viral load low and will markedly reduce the potential for transmission. (There are varying medical opinions about when to start ART, based largely on viral load and CD4 count. But the desire to prevent transmisison is on factor that can and should influence the decision.) Finally, if you get sick, stop having sex until you know what is going on. Some illnesses can transiently raise viral load; it is common sense to assume you may be more infectious if you get influenza, for example.
You may be nervouse and scared, but you strike me as someone with a level head. HIV or not, I think your boyfriend has a good deal going. Best wishes to you--
HHH, MD
Although the risk to my boyfriend from ME giving him oral sex is not proven, (aside from a condom), do I avoid transmitting HIV to him (when I perform fellatio on him), by finding a way to decrease the saliva levels in my mouth.
I suppose the lesser saliva, the lesser infection chance, correct?
Perhaps this can be accomplished by using a lubricant on his penis instead of saliva to perform fellatio??
I suppose the lesser saliva, the lesser infection chance, correct?
Perhaps this can be accomplished by using a lubricant on his penis instead of saliva to perform fellatio??
Curiousgirl,
I'm so happy that you have found a partner who is supportive of your HIV status and that you are living life to the fullest with this disease. Your boyfriend must be a very understanding person and he must be an incredible guy. For our forum would it be rude of me to ask the following:
(1) Hod did you contract the virus
(2) Did you have any ARS symptoms and how long after infection did these symptoms arise.
(3) Also how long after you were infected did you test positive on your test.
I'm sorry if these are rude questions as I don't mean to be. It's just that a lot of the questions on these boards relate to the above and really there hasn't been any real cases here. I admire your courage.
I'm so happy that you have found a partner who is supportive of your HIV status and that you are living life to the fullest with this disease. Your boyfriend must be a very understanding person and he must be an incredible guy. For our forum would it be rude of me to ask the following:
(1) Hod did you contract the virus
(2) Did you have any ARS symptoms and how long after infection did these symptoms arise.
(3) Also how long after you were infected did you test positive on your test.
I'm sorry if these are rude questions as I don't mean to be. It's just that a lot of the questions on these boards relate to the above and really there hasn't been any real cases here. I admire your courage.
None of your damn business, vs7829.
Please don't ask such intrusive question.
Please don't ask such intrusive question.
I apologise - I didn't mean to offend - sorry!
Hi,
I am very curious to hear what the doc says about saliva in your case. I know that if the one sucking is negative and the one getting sucked is positive, a lot of saliva is a good thing because saliva has HIV-blocking properties. For instance, docs have been warning HIV- people who like fellatio not to practice oral sex while using meth, alcohol, or poppers, because these things dry out their mouth. The wetter the mouth, the better, in that scenario.
But it will be interesting to see if saliva is good in the reverse direction. I wonder if your saliva will be effective in blocking your own HIV and therefore making it less likely for your boyfriend to catch the virus through the tissue at the tip of his urethra or through an abrasion, for instance. If your saliva helps to block your own HIV, then it might be better if you are producing saliva. Having a dry mouth would increase the risk.
At any rate, the risk to your boyfriend is extremely low. It is very common among gay/bi men for there to be an HIV+ sucker and an HIV- suckee precisely to keep it safe (the risk would increase if they reversed roles).
It will be interesting to see what Dr. H says, if he sees the pending question in the thread.
J
I am very curious to hear what the doc says about saliva in your case. I know that if the one sucking is negative and the one getting sucked is positive, a lot of saliva is a good thing because saliva has HIV-blocking properties. For instance, docs have been warning HIV- people who like fellatio not to practice oral sex while using meth, alcohol, or poppers, because these things dry out their mouth. The wetter the mouth, the better, in that scenario.
But it will be interesting to see if saliva is good in the reverse direction. I wonder if your saliva will be effective in blocking your own HIV and therefore making it less likely for your boyfriend to catch the virus through the tissue at the tip of his urethra or through an abrasion, for instance. If your saliva helps to block your own HIV, then it might be better if you are producing saliva. Having a dry mouth would increase the risk.
At any rate, the risk to your boyfriend is extremely low. It is very common among gay/bi men for there to be an HIV+ sucker and an HIV- suckee precisely to keep it safe (the risk would increase if they reversed roles).
It will be interesting to see what Dr. H says, if he sees the pending question in the thread.
J
God bless you curiousfemale!
My guess is that the risk of oral sex to the person being sucked is probably similar to the risk of HIV transmission through protected vaginal sex. This being that there is a theoretical possiblity.
Unless the scientific community is prepared to say that SALIVA infects, I don't see how there exist another answer. I spent a couple of minutes looking this up, and basically, the only folks who say that insertive oral is no risk is:
Calif AIDS Hotline
Minnesota AIDS Hotline
GMHC Hotline
Dr. Joel Gallant
Aidsmeds.com
San Francisco City Clinic
They all agree in theory HIV transmission is possible with the right elements such as blood in the mouth of the giver.
Also, I think that HIV education needs to wake up about one thing: circumcized men are in the MINORITY worldwide. Even in the United States, there is a substantial minority of uncircumsized men. Let's not forget that.
Unless the scientific community is prepared to say that SALIVA infects, I don't see how there exist another answer. I spent a couple of minutes looking this up, and basically, the only folks who say that insertive oral is no risk is:
Calif AIDS Hotline
Minnesota AIDS Hotline
GMHC Hotline
Dr. Joel Gallant
Aidsmeds.com
San Francisco City Clinic
They all agree in theory HIV transmission is possible with the right elements such as blood in the mouth of the giver.
Also, I think that HIV education needs to wake up about one thing: circumcized men are in the MINORITY worldwide. Even in the United States, there is a substantial minority of uncircumsized men. Let's not forget that.
CuriousFemale,
I hate to inform you but you are incorrect about uncirmsiced men - yes they are a minority in the US but still very common. The US has a high ratio of circumsied men but you will find that most of Asia (largest populations in the world), Africa and Europe have a higher percentage of uncircumcised men.
I hate to inform you but you are incorrect about uncirmsiced men - yes they are a minority in the US but still very common. The US has a high ratio of circumsied men but you will find that most of Asia (largest populations in the world), Africa and Europe have a higher percentage of uncircumcised men.
Look at my statement. I'm saying that same as you:
Worldwide: circumsized men are in the minority
US: uncircumsized men are in the minority, but still somewhat numerous.
Anyway, getting back the insertive oral/salvia thing...who knows? I sure don't!
Goodnight.
Worldwide: circumsized men are in the minority
US: uncircumsized men are in the minority, but still somewhat numerous.
Anyway, getting back the insertive oral/salvia thing...who knows? I sure don't!
Goodnight.
Sorry Curiougirl - I read your comment incorrectly! I misunderstood your comment - please disregard my last comment but FYI to support Curious gil's comment
FYI
Circumcision is one of the most common medical procedures in the world. It is also one of the oldest [78, 174], and one of the simplest, with 25 circumcisions performed every minute worldwide [117]. The fact that it is still popular must mean that there is something in it! In the USA, which has the greatest medical knowledge and medical expertise in the world, 65-90% of males are circumcised (more than 1.2 million newborns per year [195, 274]. Those who are not circumcised are mainly from cultures in which it is unfamiliar (e.g., Hispanic, as well as many European and Asian). Globally approx. 25% of men are circumcised [190].
FYI
Circumcision is one of the most common medical procedures in the world. It is also one of the oldest [78, 174], and one of the simplest, with 25 circumcisions performed every minute worldwide [117]. The fact that it is still popular must mean that there is something in it! In the USA, which has the greatest medical knowledge and medical expertise in the world, 65-90% of males are circumcised (more than 1.2 million newborns per year [195, 274]. Those who are not circumcised are mainly from cultures in which it is unfamiliar (e.g., Hispanic, as well as many European and Asian). Globally approx. 25% of men are circumcised [190].
You are reading content posted in the STDs Forum
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
