HIV risk from certain activities. Part 1

[Itaman]

Hello

I'm a 27 years old Italian straight guy living in London, UK.

In the last 6 weeks I have been dating an older woman (45) on a casual relationship basis.
I had sex with her 5/6 times and I have always used condoms for both vaginal and anal sex.
However I didn't use protections for all the other "safer" activities.

Now I have a few questions:

1- Oral sex: I know it's safe to receive it without a condom, however one of the latest times we had sex, she performed it in a few stange ways: firstly she filled her mouth with champagne immidiately before going down on me so she gave me oral with her mouth filled of it. Then she did the same thing with some mints instead of champagne in her mouth. Do those factors (especially champagne) improve somehow the risk of transmitting the virus through oral?

2- She wanted to use a sex toy on me (a thin but long one). I washed it at the beginning of the night. Later she used it to penetrate my anus for a few minutes, but I really can't remember if she used it on herself as well (vagina and anus) a few minutes before. In case she did and so it hasn't been washed before using it on me, could this have been a risky activity?

3- Also, I wanted to know if shaving my pubic area a few hours before the intercourse, being this still irritated, could this pose a risk when the vaginal fluid gets in contact with the shaved area?

4- Both the last two times I met her, when I came back home I noticed there was a red sore (without any cut though) on my penis, on the sensitive part about half inch from where the gland ends. This, after having a shower, became less irritated hence less visible.
Could this sore have been a risk factor during oral sex?

The message continues in another message because too long for the form...

[Itaman]

Thank you for your help.

Best Regards

[Edward W Hook, MD]

There are just too many variables involved in the term immediately. The idea is that if the sex toy transfers wet, body temperature gential secretions to you there is a risk which is smaller than the risk if the same secretions had been transmittted through direct sexual contact.

Please lets not play the "what if" game.  EWH

[Itaman]

Thank you Doctor for your answers.

Can you please specify what do you mean timewise with "IMMEDIATELY" about passing the sex toy?
IF she used it, she did it at least 3 minutes earlier. Also, she covered it with lube just before using that on me?

I'm kind of panicking about this. Should I be so worried?

Many Thanks

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Welcome to the question.  Your questions are specific and do not need generalizations so I will go directly to them:

1.  No, if anything the presence of the additional liquid (i.e. champagne) would reduce your risk by diluting anything that might be there, not increase risk.  I would not worry about this or the mints.

2.  Use of sex toys which have been washed should not increase your risk in any way.  On the other hand, it a sex toy is used directly on one person and then IMMEIATELY on another, there is some risk that infection could be transmitted.  This is the only instance in which STDs can be indirectly spread from one person to another and in such situations the risk is likely to be lower than if the exposure had been person-to-person instead of with the use of an intermediate object.

3.  No, shaving should not change risk either.

4.  It sounds as though the sore/soreness you experienced may well have been due to friction.  it should not change your risk.

Hope these comments are helpful to you. Take care.  EWH