So maybe epididymitis, but that probably can't explain the urethral pain. Not all cases of epididymitis are due to STD -- most likely not, in your case. But do report back after everything is sorted out.
Welcome the the STD forum. I'll try to help, but please don't expect any definitive answers. It is almost impossible any online source can clear up the cause of a condition that hasn't been diagnosed by repeated in-person professional evaluations. However, for sure you don't have herpes and most likely no STD of any kind.
Herpes was never a serious consideration based on the initial symptoms or exposure. Your partner had HSV-2, which is usually limited to the genital area, so that wasn't a risk. There was a small risk of HSV-1 if your partner also has oral herpes, but the chance was low. More important, although herpes can infect the urethra and cause pain like you describe, that usually happens along with typical herpes lesions on the skin of the penis. Further, hherpes symptoms never last a couple of months. If the initial pain were cased by herpes, it could not have continued from mid-October to mid-December.
The early onset after oral sex (3 days) is consistent with gonorrhea, which certainly can cause penile pain, but usually also causes obvious discharge of pus from the penis. Nongonococcal uretrhtis (NGU) usually takes 7-14 days to cause symptoms, and again discharge is usually the main symptom, not pain. (Chlamydia is one cause of NGU and Ureaplasma is controvesial as a cause -- but chlamydia is not transmitted by oral sex and Ureaplasma probably is not. You don't say the specific antibiotics you took, but most likely four different courses of different drugs would have covered all these possibilities.
Your description of the sonogram results doesn't say where the fluid collection is. Your closing comments suggest the penis, but that seems very unusual. If that's the case, perhaps there is an abscess in there. That might be consistent with an infrequent discharge that might not be present at most times, i.e. when examined by one of your doctors. Herpes doesn't do this for sure, and I have nver heard of an STD doing it, although gonorrhea probably could cause a peri-urethral abscess. Finally, the lack of improvement in your pain while taking Valtrex is additional evidence against herpes as the cause of your pain.
In conclusion, most likely you have no STD and for sure not herpes. Seeing a urologist is exactly the right thing to do; that's the right specialty to evaluate and suggest treatment for a genital area fluid collection, whatever the cause. But don't worry about his or expertise in STDs. In the very unlikely chance this turns out to be something like a gonococcal abscess, s/he will know how to treat it effectively.
I hope this helps. Please return to the forum and let me know the urologist's opinion, and especially a final diagnosis whenever one is made.
Best wishes-- HHH, MD
thanks doc I was treated for epiditimitis maybe not long enough wilco on the report back
The sonogram was of my testicle. It showed a mass and fluid. I have appt with eurologist this week. thanks for your prompt and thorough answer.