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"Happy" endings, testing?
Dear Dres, with my sexual choices and the information I have gathered I created a big problem for myself. I am a married man and do not want to put my wife at any risk. As I still felt the need for extramarital pleasure I have strictly limited my extramarital exposures to the receipt of handjobs at massage parlors. That went on for the last 5 years with about 100 exposures, all of the same sort. I want to quit that and I am talking about the issue with a personal friend who is a psychologist to cope with my guilt. He actually advised me not to confess as I would then just put the burden on my wife. What I really fear is that she may find out because of some std. I researched the net and found a variety of risk assessments to the receipt of handjobs. Some sites say that HPV, Herpes, Scabies, Syphilis and Molluscum can be spread by mere handjobs. So where do I go from here? I thought I was behaving perfectly safe. Should I have any std testing and if yes for which stds? And from a medical viewpoint, do I have to inform my wife? I want to base my next steps on thoroughly informed decisions.
Your assessment will be most appreciated. This forum is a fantastic resource.
Best,
N.
Your assessment will be most appreciated. This forum is a fantastic resource.
Best,
N.
A related discussion, Infection via testkit was started.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
You're welcome. The quick reply was just from the coincidence that I was attending to the forum when your question arrived.
Dear Dr. HHH,
I just want to express my deepest gratefulness for your profound answer in that amazing short time! Just great (no answer expected)!
Best,
N.
I just want to express my deepest gratefulness for your profound answer in that amazing short time! Just great (no answer expected)!
Best,
N.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I understood that. It doesn't change my opinion or advice.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Welcome to the STD forum.
You can pretty much ignore the "some sites" that describe hand-genital contact as risks for the STDs you mention. There might be theoretical risk, but in 30+ years in the STD business and working in a busy STD clinic, I have never seen such a case. Many websites and health agencies take conservative stances -- if there is a theoretical risk, they err on the side of caution. (In the US, this is often driven by legal advice, given the litigious nature of our society.) But it truly isn't an issue. Definitely stay away from websites that are not professionally run and/or moderated. The greatest misinformation will likely be found on sites dominated by people with personal testimony. But most people who claim hand-genital transmission are either just plain lying, or don't really know when they were infected, or simply forgot about other plausible exposures.
Having said all that, there might be real risk for HPV. However, even that is very low. And since almost all sexually active people are exposed to and infected by genital HPV, if that ever shows up in your wife (e.g., an abnormal pap smear) there will be no reason to believe it resulted from any sexual indiscretion on your part.
Bottom line: No worries. From a disease standpoint, you do not need testing and defintely do not need to say anything to your wife. Discussing or not discussing your practices with her is purely a relationship issue, not one of health.
I hope this helps. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
You can pretty much ignore the "some sites" that describe hand-genital contact as risks for the STDs you mention. There might be theoretical risk, but in 30+ years in the STD business and working in a busy STD clinic, I have never seen such a case. Many websites and health agencies take conservative stances -- if there is a theoretical risk, they err on the side of caution. (In the US, this is often driven by legal advice, given the litigious nature of our society.) But it truly isn't an issue. Definitely stay away from websites that are not professionally run and/or moderated. The greatest misinformation will likely be found on sites dominated by people with personal testimony. But most people who claim hand-genital transmission are either just plain lying, or don't really know when they were infected, or simply forgot about other plausible exposures.
Having said all that, there might be real risk for HPV. However, even that is very low. And since almost all sexually active people are exposed to and infected by genital HPV, if that ever shows up in your wife (e.g., an abnormal pap smear) there will be no reason to believe it resulted from any sexual indiscretion on your part.
Bottom line: No worries. From a disease standpoint, you do not need testing and defintely do not need to say anything to your wife. Discussing or not discussing your practices with her is purely a relationship issue, not one of health.
I hope this helps. Best wishes-- HHH, MD
I meant to add that my concern is that a basically very low risk is multiplied by the numerous contacts.
Thank you!
Thank you!
You are reading content posted in the STDs Forum
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
