Thanks so much for this forum – it was helped to alleviate anxiety over the past few weeks. I have been faithful for 10 years and made 2 stupid mistakes recently in Germany. I’m in good health and circumcised (I do have a lot of foreskin though).
1) After many drinks in Berlin I was at an apartment rented out by women. I was with a Russian? About 22 years old? She appeared clean and healthy. I’m almost positive a condom was placed on me – not sure when I think back due to alcohol. She did comment on “how clean I was” which leads me to believe all of her customers do not wash. She performed oral only – protected I think. This was 6 months ago – I had zero signs of anything. I did get one pimple on my penis about 6 weeks after exposure – but is was puss filled/painful and popped in an area that I shave. It did not seem to match anything I could find.
2) I went to another house in a rural town – another Russian girl I think. I received condom protected oral sex. I did have chaffing behind my foreskin prior to going in – to the point it was raw, I’m pretty sure from vigorous masturbation prior – my wife does not live in Germany and we are apart a lot. The condom was on from start to finish and there appeared to be zero problems.
I did not wash in either case for at leat 1hour.
From reading the forum I’m pretty confident my HIV risk was very low – what about STDs? I’ve had a mole on my penis for years – it appeared to get bigger and raise off the skin slightly and what I think are hemorrhoids are acting up again (very painful) but that’s been it as far as a symptoms – of course I’m very in tune to problems down there right now. Do you see a need for testing – syphilis/HSV/etc? If so do you have any idea where I can between German and Netherlands – I do not want this on my insurance. I’m seeing my wife soon and don’t want to put her at risk.
My advice about STD/HIV testing follows two tracks, which might seem to conflict with one another. First, the specific exposures you describe are essentially zero risk, for STDs as well as HIV. Condoms work and oral sex is low risk even without condom protection. Second, people who are sexually active outside permanent, committed relationships--and this obviously includes you--are wise to have periodic STD/HIV testing, like once a year. But of course that doesn't necessarily apply when the casual sex events are infrequent and always are condom protected.
So there it is. I see no likelihood you could have acquired anything during the two exposures you describe, and no risk to your wife if you resume relations with her. But I never guarantee someone isn't infected. Your choice whether or not to see a provider for testing.
Wow - thanks for the quick reply. I know I really should not add a question on - but - I read in another answer that Russia has a high HIV rate among prostitutes - I would imagine this would apply to former eastern block countries as well. Both these girls were from Russia or a former block countries. Also, during the second exposure, the raw foreskin was so bad it hurt - I guess it could be classified as an open cut - no blood but the top layers of already thin skin were worn down - as I mentioned above I'm circumcised with a lot of foreskin. Does either of these facts change your response?
This has been a very dark period in my life - these two cases are the only time I've ever committed a sexual act outside my marriage. It's been a tough road, mistakes I will never make again - to be honest I'm not even sure how to face my wife and kids.
You came here for reassurance. I gave it. Obviously you are emotionally unable to accept it. You do not need testing based on the circumstances you describe. But if you will sleep better knowing you have a negative HIV test, it's fine with me. If you showed up in my clinic, I would say exactly the same things I said above, that it's your decsion, not mine.
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