Welcome to the forum.
Your question appears to be one of those that can be answered accurately from the title alone. Before reading anything else, I can assure you that STDs are not transmitted by hand-genital contact. And now looking to see question no. 1, it appears you already know this. I'm happy to confirm it!
As for your symptoms, no STD causes the sort of things you describe. I think your self-diagnosis probably is correct: anxiety magnifying normal body sensations or trivial discomforts that otherwise you wouldn't notice.
Accordingly, you should not be concerned at all about herpes or any other STD, do not need testing of any kind, and can safely continue your normal sexual practices with your wife.
I think those comments answer all your specific questions, but let me know if there is anything I can clarify further. My final advice is that you take care not to confuse your shame and guilt over a sexual decision you regret with STD risk. They aren't the same. Deal with the first as you need to, but you can put aside all concern about STDs.
Best wishes-- HHH, MD
Thank you, Dr. Is there any need for concern regarding the light genital to genital contact that I described in terms of herpes?
For a herpes infecion to take hold, generally the virus has to be massaged into the tissues. That's why initial herpes lesions usually are concentrated at sites of maximum friction during sex, depending on the sites exposed (penile head and shaft, vaginal opening, anus following anal sex). Brief, superficial contact such as you had is unlikely to carry any significant risk.
Hi Dr. The vast majority of my anxieties have subsided, but I do have one follow up question that I do not really see addressed to often, probably because it is not a "disease". Should I have any concern about contacting pubic crabs from this exposure? Are crabs common enough to worry about regarding this exposure? Are they more common among the poor and under served, or are they just as common for everyone?
Pubic lice ("crabs") are a trivial inconvenience, not a significant health risk. The risk in this event probably is very low, but I cannot say it is zero. But if you have pubic lice, self diagnosis is very easy: if you don't see lice or their eggs (white spots clinging to the base of your pubic hairs), you don't have it.
That will end this thread. Do your best to put this obviously anxiety-producing sexual event into your past and go on without worry bout it.