Please help me out

[Robbie11]

Dear Dr. HHH or EWH, I have been reading your forums for years. As you can see from my previous posts I was quite addicted to low risk (handjob) exposures from 2004 - Feb. 2010. I stopped then and just recently (July 2011) started again. Having wife and kids I severly suffer again to the point I won`t leave bed and cannot function properly. So I hope to get help from you even if my questions may be somewhat beyond the scope of this forum (please!!):

1) Exposure 1-4: Handjobs, massage lady clothed. Roughly inspected hands found no sores. Any risk?

2) Exposure 5: Handjob with glove in shady parlour with waiting clients. Gloves may be reused (did not see box) containing fluids of previous clients. Any risk?

3) From your vast experience: How can I break this cycle of worrying? I mainly fear syphilis as this may be transferred from an (unseen) sore on her hand or from fluid on glove. Back in 2010 I was relieved after tests but I guess they might be completely unnecessary and the window period of 6 weeks would be so so hard to manage.

4) So finally: Can I really responsibly let this go and resume unprotected sex with my wife?

5) Any comments from your experience how you think I can fight to break this worrying cycle?

Thank you so much
Robbie  

[Robbie11]

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone!

Thought for hours and decided to stop the behaviour. Thanks so much! No answer expected.

Robbie

[Edward W Hook, MD]

Welcome back to the Forum.  You are correct, your concerns are similar to the ones we have interacted about before.  As you might expect, the risk has not changed. Receipt of masturbation from another person, ungloved or not is a virtually no risk activity which carries with it no risk of HIV or of other STDs.

As for your question regarding your repetitive cycles of receipt of masturbation followed by worrying, there are two possible approaches.  You can decide to stop seeking these kinds of encounters from persons other than your wife or you can work on how to manage the guilt which accompanies this for you.  In that it is apparent that you have actively struggled with this in the past, it may be that seeking the help of a counselor or other mental health professional may be needed.  Before that will provide you with help however, the first step is to clearly decide what you want to change, your behavior or your guilt.  You may need professional help sorting this out as well but, once you have done this, you will then be able to take the next steps towards addressing this situation which creates so much difficulties for you.  

As for sex with your wife, there is no reason related to your receipt of masturbation by others to abstain from unprotected sex with her.

I hope this comment will be helpful. EWH