First off, let me say thanks for providing a great resource for people to use!
My question that I am struggling with right now is this. I had an encounter with a woman 2.5 days ago while on a business trip. She was 44 and I am 38. We deep kissed for a while with tongue and bit each other's lips (I actually have a couple of cuts from it). She gave me oral sex for approx 1 minute and she did this twice. She was very forcefull and was rough with my penis. I have a foreskin and I am wondering if I should be worried about getting an std and giving it to my partner who is unaware of this encounter. This was a very stupid mistake on my part and I do not want to repeat it again or give my partner anything.
I am wondering if I need to go get tested. I have not had any symptoms in my penis, although I have had slight cramps in my abdomin, but I am very worried because my partner wants to have sex tonight and we never use condoms.
If you could please advise if I am ok, I would appreciate it.
Concerns about oral sex and its risks are among the most common on this forum. In general, oral sex is safe sex. While the risk isn't zero, fellatio is far safer than unprotected vaginal or anal sex, especially for the penile partner; there is slightly higher risk for the oral partner. More specifically, there is essentially zero risk for HIV and chlamydia, little risk for HPV or HSV-2, and slightly higher but still low risks for gonorrhea, HSV-1, syphilis, and nongonococcal urethritis (NGU). We don't recommend STD testing after a single oral sex encounter, except in unusually high risk situations, such as knowing the partner has an active STD.
As for your particular situation, the risk seems even lower than most. In particular, the overall frequency of active STDs is low in women over 30, and especially low beyond age 40 -- so the chance your partner had an STD was low, and the chance she had an oral STD even lower. The vigor of the encounter makes no known difference in STD risk.
For those reasons, you really should not be worried. While nobody can guarantee any particular encounter carried no risk at all, if I somehow found myself in your circumstances, I would continue unprotected sex with my wife without fear of infecting her with anything.
Whenever someone suspects his or her own symptoms have a psychological origin ("Am I obsessing?"), usually s/he is correct. And the main symptoms of STDs in this situation are discharge from the penis and penile sores, rarely irritation or "burning" without other symptoms.
These are classical symptoms of genitally focused anxiety, not of any STD. If they persist, you could visit your doctor, or preferably an STD specialist (e.g., your local health department or Planned Parenthood) for examination and testing. If you do, I predict nothing abnormal will be found -- but it could be worth it for the reassurance.
People like me must drive you crazy eh? I did go to the health authority and the nurse looked at me and did not see anything abnormal. She took a urine sample for Chlamydia and gonorrhea, but she feels like you do.
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