Not true. Oil-based lubricants, vaseline, etc weaken latex condoms and increase the chance of breakage. But there is no evidence they let HIV (or anything else) pass through intact latex.
HHH, MD
I thought if you used certain (petrolium?) based lubricants it would make it possbile for HIV virus to pass through a condom even if there is no breakege?
Tanner,
I'm in a similar situation, where I recently found out the guy was positive. Just like you I never have unprotected sex but have had a condom break a time or two.
Been about 3 weeks since my exposure and I'm set up to be tested at 6.
Good luck to you!! Your in my prayers whenever you decide to test
Brian
Hey doctor, Thanks for the reply, I greatly appreciate it. He was tested in January 2006 and negative and positive in September 2006 when I told him I needed him to test again. we met in August. As mentioned, I could not deal with the disease and we are no strictly friends. I am concerned about you comment about high viral load. If I had oral sex with him, is there a possibility that his high viral load would up my chances dramatically? The anal sex was always with a condom and like I said we never had a condom break. HE has NEVER topped me.
Thanks, your great.
There is no way to estimate your particular risk any more precisely than I have. The odds are strongly against your having acquired HIV from him. But you need to be tested to know for sure.
HHH, MD
Hey..If you're confident that you used a condom properly everytime, then you're virtually safe from an HIV infection..And the risk from oral sex is very minimal. In my opinion, this are what condoms for..to protect you. I believe you're fine, and thanks to your good judgment, you hopefully dodged a bullet. Get tested soon for a piece of mind and wait for Dr.HHH's advice. Good luck to you!
First, congratulations on your sexual safety. If all gay men had similar attitudes and practices, HIV would disappear in gay communities.
But second, there are few certainties in biology, sexual safety--or, for that matter, life. By having sex with other men in the modern world, you are at greater risk for HIV infection than the average straight man or woman, even non-condom users with multiple partners. The odds you would acquire HIV from any particular exposure are very low; but by definition, you are selecting your partners from a pool of people with high rates of HIV. The balance makes you at lower risk than many other gay men, but above that in the general population.
You don't say whether your newly infected partner believes you infected him. That sounds unlikely--but if he says (and is being truthful) that he hasn't had sex with anyone else in the past 2-3 months, then obviously it is likely you are infected. But it's probably more likely he has had other exposures; and for all you know, he was lying when he said he was HIV negative at the start of your relationship. (I'm not accusing him. It's just that you are in a position to judge these things, and I am not.)
But assuming he is infected and you were not the source, the bottom line (cute phrase not really intended, but not avoided either) is that you were: 1) at very low risk via anal sex with condoms; 2) at low but not zero risk by performing oral sex; and 3) at lower risk without STDs than if he had an STD (but don't put too much stock in this; many gay men have STDs not detected by routine exam, such as rectal chlamydial infection or undiagnosed herpes). But these facts are balanced by the possibility that he was very newly exposed when your relationship started, i.e. might have had a high viral load. Probably the highest risk of transmission occurs early in infection.
I more or less answered (4) above. But you need to be tested to be sure.
I hope this information is mostly reassuring, even though not totally so. Best wishes-- HHH, MD