I have to admit I missed the oral sex component of the second massage. But even without a condom, oral sex is very low risk for all STDs and zero risk, for practical purposes, for HIV. With a condom the risk truly was zero and my reply above stands unchanged. It is certainly possible to transmit herpes without symptoms, but not by the sorts of contact you describe.
That should end this thread. Good luck for successful conception. It is not threatened by your Thai massage events.
Thank you so much for you very fast response. I have been worried sick and terrified at not only what I've done emotionially to my partner but the possiblility of STDs which can be deadly. Especially, I was worried because of the false positive ELISA test and risk of contracting herpes or something else from the oral sex. Even though I used a condom, I was worried about the quality of it (she provided it). I had read that an infected person with herpes can show no sign of symptoms and still pass on the disease.
My partner has also been having some pelvic discomfort which my guilt related to what I did but is more likely hormonal due to IVF.
Again,
Thank you for your help and your very fast response
Welcome to the STD forum.
You can relax. They call them STDs because you have to have sex to catch them -- and you did not. Without unprotected insertion of your penis into a body orifice (vagina, rectum, mouth), there was no significant risk for any STD, including HIV.
False positive HIV ELISA tests are fairly common. The confirmatory (Western blot) tests in such cases are 100% reliable: your partner does not have HIV and her false positive test result has nothing at all to do with your massage events in Thailand. From a disease transmission perspective, there was no need to inform your partner of the massage events. (Of course it might have been a good idea to help you deal with your guilt about it. But that's a different issue and I'm not a relationship counselor.)
Regards-- HHH, MD