If the "subsequent examination" that "showed the presence of HSV" was a reliable laboratory test, then you need to assume your partner has genital herpes, and your symptoms suggest you do as well. Even without that statement, I would have been very suspicious of herpes, because your symptoms and your wife's are quite typical; mild, subtle lesions are more common than overt, "classical" ones.
Recurrent finger lesions are unlikely to be due to herpes. HSV can infect the fingers (herpetic whitlow), but usually only once, at the same time as an initial oral or genital herpes outbreak. I have never heard of recurrent herpes of the hands or fingers; if it happens, it is very rare. An ulcer in the mouth is unlikely to be herpes; recurrent oral herpes almost always involve the outside of the lips, not the inside of the mouth.
All of this is entirely unrelated to your wife's probable HPV infection (the pap smear abnormality) and probably unrelated to your diabetes.
You and your wife both should ask your health care provider(s) to test you for both HSV-1 and HSV-2, using one of the type-specific blood tests, such as HerpeSelect. Those results will be more helpful than further guesswork by either you or me. In the meantime, don't lose any sleep over this. Herpes generally isn't a problem at all when both members of a monogamous couple are infected, especially with the mild symptoms you describe.
Good luck--- HHH, MD
I do have, very infrequently a very mild, almost imperceptible kind of burning while urinating. I am told it is a symptom of herpes. I have not been tested for herpes IGM or IGG. could it be that I might not be infected at all even if my partner is.
Such mild burning probably isn't herpes. Herpes in the urethra typically is very painful.
Absolutely do not have IgM testing, either you or your wife. Only type-specific IgG tests should be done. For more information, search the STD forum threads and archives for "herpes diagnosis", "HerpeSelect test", and "IgM".
HHH, MD
partner's been tested for HPV, she does not have it. had an HIV test at 3 months do we need another one. does this kind of HSV infection recommend one
About half of all ASCUS paps are due to HPV, so that's fine. You don't say why the first HIV test was done, but certainly there is no reason for another one.
I don't know what you mean by "this kind of HSV infection". You don't seem to know for sure whether you or your partner have herpes at all, and you certainly don't know the virus type. Get the blood test.
HHH, MD