Welcome to the forum. I'll try to help.
I am quite suspicious you acquired genital herpes and transmitted it to your wife. This isn't definite by any means; no distant online source can make a definite diagnosis. But even if herpes explains your symptoms and your wife's, it doesn't necessarily explain your daughter's. There are other viruses that can cause fever, chapped lips, and genital ulceration -- and the possibility of a sulfa allergy sounds plausible. However, I wonder whether your wife gave the full picture to your doctor or the pediatrician. If she didn't mention your outside sexual exposure and/or your genital symptoms, either or both of those providers might not have considered herpes.
Your doctor obviously is concerned about herpes, since s/he recommended an HSV blood test. However, I would not wait 3 months to do it. Most people with new HSV infections develop positive antibody tests within 6 weeks and over half have positive results as soon as 3 weeks. My advice is to have an HSV blood test now; if negative, then a follow-up test at 3 months would make sense.
I also strongly recommend your wife also have HSV blood test(s), if that isn't already in the works. It also would be reasonable to tell your child's pediatrician about the possibility of new HSV in you and your wife, then follow his or her advice about possible testing.
HIV really isn't a concern; I'm sure your doctor has recommended that because s/he believe you had a new STD -- whether herpes or something else -- in which case HIV testing is more or less automatic. There is nothing in your story that suggests a new HIV infection, either in you or your wife or daughter.
You might consider printing out this thread (or at least my reply) and using it as a framework for further discussion with your doctor, and perhaps you're wife's and kid's physicians as well. However this shakes out, please return with a follow-up comment to know the outcomes of further evaluation and testing.
Best regards-- HHH, MD
Ok, thank you. My daughter was evaluated by her pediatrician at childrens and her symptoms were thought to be suspicious for herpes but mild. They did not culture or blood test.
I had blood test at uw last week (thurs). I am still waiting for the results. I called, they said they had a preliminary result, then would not tell me anything else. This is not the greatest communication. I am assuming that I tested + for hsv1 or 2 and that they are now doing wb to confirm. Does this sound correct?
Can you run thru the possible scenarios - starting with the worst:
1.I had new genital hsv2, passed to partner, then passed (obviously non-sexually) to my baby daughter. My partners genital symptoms were very mild - her oral symptoms were pronounced and my daughters symtoms were the same as my wifes but a bit milder. I thought this was very unlikely.
2. I had new genital hsv1 and passed this to wife and then it went to daughter.
I am to be tested for hiv next week (6 weeks) with the assumption that my risk is relatively low for this and that this 6 week test will be sufficient.
I mean to say that of course my daughter only had oral symptoms.
I would also add that my only symptom - stinging urination - had a gradual onset for about 3 days, peaked at 5 and was gone by 7.
Sorry for the multiple postings. I contacted the woman who might be the originator of this infection - she had an hiv test within the last month and it was -.
Claimed never had hsv genital outbreak but had never been tested for it.
Let's await the final results of your HSV blood test. It seems pointless to speculate when we'll know more definitive information in the near future. In the meantime, I would not try to judge why they are not giving you the complete results of your test.
HIV is not a serious possibility in this situation. Those tests will be negative.