almost 2 years of worry

[bigwreck]

I have been suffering from pretty bad anxiety for quite a while about this. I'm a 33 y.o. married male and I had unprotected vaginal sex in October 2004 with someone other than my wife.  From that time until now I have received unprotected oral sex about 7 times.

I don't know if I have discharge or not, but sometimes in the morning my urethra will have a slight crust around it.  I'm addicted to milking my penis cuz of this, what I get out is usually clear and like mucous, though it is sometimes cloudy if I need to have a b.m.  No burning with urination.  Slight twinge in penis when I start to get an erection.  Sometimes urethra seems to be slightly stuck upon urination, but I don't know if some urine from my last urination has just dried, or if I sit too much or what.  I will see wetness around the urethra sometimes, but I never know if its maybe urine that dribbled out or what?

I have had 4 negative chlamydia tests, 2 negative gon. tests.  I have received:
2g. zithromax
3 weeks of levaquin
7 days of doxycycline
21 days of cipro
metronidazol in case of trich.

I'll be fine for a while with no symptoms, and then I'll notice something and freak out.  I've been to a urologist about 5 times.  All my U.A.s have been totally normal, no blood or bacteria or anything.  Unfortunately it seems that when I finally get in there, the symptoms are gone anyway.  The urologist says that nothing is wrong with me.  She said the prostate has a lot of secretions that could cause these various symptoms.  I've been treated for prostatitis in the past with antibiotics and flomax.

The nurse at the STD clinic is tired of seeing me and says nothing is probably wrong.  She says as a man gets older, sometimes secretions increase and the occasional crust around the urethra can be normal...secretions or urine.  She thinks I'm a nut.

I'm confident I don't have chlamydia or gon.  But I still have not had sex with my wife in 1.5 years and have constant anxiety that something is wrong.

1. Considering the treatments and negatives tests is it possible to have anything sexually transmitted that can cause symptoms or harm in my wife?  We have a new son and I'm trying to change my life cuz I can't live without him.

2. Can what I described be normal at all?  

3. Can urethritis be so intermittent?  Here a couple of days, then gone then back?

4.  Is it maybe something I am perpetuating by milking the penis?

5. any suggestions of what to do or what could be going on would be appreciated.  I think the uro. and the std clinic think I'm nuts, plus I can't afford to continually go.

Thanks

[H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.]

Seeing knowledgeable providers, like an STD clinic and a urologist, gives more accurate advice than I can from a brief written message; and anyway I compete with the opinion of providers who actually have examined someone.  You should rely on the advice of the STD clinic nurse, and I agree nothing is wrong, except perhaps anxiety that is magnifying otherwise normal body sensations.  Or milking the urethra, which indeed can cause pain and discomfort.  You can be 100% certain you have no STD; and even if you have urethritis (which I doubt, if the urologist and STD clinic can't find it), you can be certain it will never harm you or your wife.  There is no reason whatsoever for you to have avoided sex with your wife all this time, and no reason not to start again now.  Go buy her a bouquet, light the candles, and get out the wine.  And see a mental health professional to assess the possibility of an emotional component to your symptoms.  I suggest it out of compassion, not criticism.

HHH, MD

[monkeyflower]

I agree with the other poster. You need to let this go. From what I've read/heard, the fluid that sometimes comes out with a bowel movement is just semen - it happens mainly to guys who don't ejaculate often. You certainly don't have any STD.

On a side note, what does your wife think about no partner sex for 1.5 years? That's a LONG time to go without... that alone must be having a serious impact on your relationship, regardless of whether this abstinence is consensual. I think it would be a very good idea to see a sex therapist together, or if she won't go, you should. There's clearly a lot going on in your relationship, and therapy can help you figure it out.

[bigwreck]

Thanks for your comment and your concern and advice.  I know its time to move on with life, but I'm just stuck and I need some answers that I'm not getting.

I *am* confident that I do not have chlamydia or gon. I think I finally accept the negative results. I am concerned about having some other form of urethritis that can cause my wife symptoms or problems.

The "discharge" that I seem to notice is not always related to a bm.  And when it is, it is not necessarily a hard one, nor is the discharge clear.  Sometimes it is more milky looking.  And that is part of the continuing concern. Along with the occasional slight crust around my urethra when waking.

I always have a cleary sticky fluid in my urethra.  My doctor says its probably because I have hypospadia(?) and the opening to my penis is close to a reservoir of sorts in my urethra and its just normal mucous or whatever.

Yes, I know I've got some stuff going on mentally.  I will heed your advice to the best of my ability and find some help.  I just have some questions that I need to be answered for me to feel able to start.

But thank you again.

[bigwreck]

Monkeyflower - thanks to you as well for your concern/comments/advice.

Both of you seem to focus on the relation to bowel movements, and I think I understand that.  But that's not the only time I notice stuff.  There are other things than chlamydia, gon, and trich (all of which I've been treated for) that can cause things and I just want to make sure that I don't have anything that can cause my wife symptoms or harm.  *then* I feel I can concentrate on moving on and healing my brain and relationship after that.  Yes, 1.5 years is a long time..and that is why I am reaching out for answers.

Thanks again.

[bigdaddy1992]

Hi. After all the antibiotics you have taken there is NO WAY any symptom that you have could be due to an std. maybe the doc can advise but i think i read that overuse of antibiotics can cause problems with the uretha at times? also as you can be sure that it is not an std have you thought about posting on the men's health forum and see if anyone else has had any problems with symptoms like this?....just a thought. good luck and i hope you get sorted soon