The topic of HPV and genital warts is a complex one. I will try to provide some facts. For additional information on this most common of STDs, I would suggest search for other HPV- and wart-related Q&A on this site, as well seeking addition information on sites such as the American Social health Association web-site (disclosure, Dr. Handsfield and I are both on the Board of ASHA)..
Your wife has HPV in the form of genital warts. It is likely you have the same infection as well. For most people this is more of a nuisance than anything else. For better or worse, at present HPV is a "fact of life" and most people have it or will have it at some point in the future. Despite this fact, only a tiny minority of persons with HPV get the consequences of infection (primarily women and primarily cancer and pre-cancerous lesions). HPV is the most commonly acquired STD. Over 85% of sexually active women will have HPV infection at some time in their lives. The figure for men is less well studied but similar. In some HPV will cause genital warts, in others it will not cause warts but may lead to changes in PAP smears. In nearly everyone who gets HPV, warts or otherwise, the infections will resolve by themselves without therapy in 8-24 months. In a very small minority of women, HPV infection can persist and lead to the pre-cancerous lesions that PAP smears detect and which can then be treated. For men there is far less risk of any sort. With this as background, let's address your questions.
Your wife may not need to wait for treatment until you have health insurance. High quality evaluation and care for her warts is probably available either through your local health department or Planned Parenthood. I would suggest you give them a call. Many of these faculties are able to treat warts with liquid nitrogen or other topical therapies.
Yes, HPV/warts can spread to the anus even without rectal intercourse. This likely occurs through local spread, perhaps enhanced by wiping or spread of vaginal secretions.
The bumps you have seen in your mouths are unlikely to be warts. There are many glands and other structures that can cause bumps n the mouth. If you are concerned, I suspect you can get inexpensive or even a free evaluation through your local health department at the STD Clinic.
It is difficult to know what is causing the irritation your wife experiences when you have intercourse. I suspect that the cream your wife received was a medication called Aldara (imiquimod). This medication acts in part by causing a reaction in the areas it is applied to. It may be that left over irritation/medication effect makes her still a bit more easily irritated through sex than has been the case in the past. If this is the problem, it should get better with time. If it does not get better with time, once you have your health insurance back you should seek medical advice from a health care provider who can examine her before giving further advice.
Hope these comments/suggestions help. EWH
Thank you doctor for the great info, it is of much help.