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Avatar universal

performed oral 2.5 weeks ago... now discomfort in urethra?!

Hello --

I made a huge mistake almost three weeks ago and gave oral to a guy for about 30 seconds. I stopped as soon as I tasted precum, suddenly realizing that I was putting myself at great risk.

I hadn't had any symptoms until 2 days ago, when I began to notice a slight burning sensation after urination (not so much during). I have had no discharge that I can detect. Sometimes I feel twinges of mild pain when just sitting around (though I'll admit that I usually have these when I'm thinking about my situation, so those could be psychosomatic...). There are also times when urination seems totally normal and there is little to no discomfort afterwards.

I was of the impression that chlamydia and gonorrhea from oral sex manifested itself in the throat. Is it possible that I had a non-symptomatic throat infection from either of those ailments and that it is spreading to my urethra?

I took a full STD screen yesterday, but have at least 2 more days to wait for results, and the anxiety while waiting is taking other tolls on my overall health. I know you can't rule too much out over the Web, but any info or statistics you CAN provide would be a great help. I've had sucidal thoughts in the past couple of days... there is much to lose (wife, family, house, etc.).

Thanks so much,
14 Responses
239123 tn?1267647614
You cannot contact genital STDs by oral sex.  Your urinary symtptoms cannot be due to STD--or at least not due to STD acquired during the exposure you describe.

Chlamydia never infects the throat--or does so too rarely to worry about.  Gonorrhea can, but gonorrhea of the throat usually causes no symptoms and clears up on its own.  HIV and herpes are extremely rare after a single exposure, and oral sex is very low risk in general.

I hope you're not serious about suicidal thoughts.  But the fact that you even mention it indicates that you should contact a mental health professional.

In any case, STD should not be on your mind at all, unless you have had other risky exposures.  On the other hand, every sexually active younger person should have a general STD check-up once a year, so on that basis alone, it was a good idea.  But if positive for anything, you can be certain you didn't get it during your exposue 3 weeks ago.

Good luck--  HHH, MD
Avatar universal
Also, I have been in contact with the guy I gave oral to, and he has been very forthcoming with info. Says he's clean, hasn't been with anyoen but his wife in the past 6 months and was tested in August. But, of course, I have no idea if I can believe him. BU the fact that he's returning my calls to talk about it is encouraging. He also says he's never had an STD and has no current symptoms.
Avatar universal
Hi- You can relax...If you only gave oral to the guy there is no possible way that the discomfort that you are feeling is STD related. Chlamydia never affects the throat and Gonnorreah rarely affects the throat and if you did get it in the throat,that is where it stays it doesnt travel around the body. My guess is that you maybe feel guilty/anxiety over the act and it is playing on your mind creating your symptoms ( anxiety is a powerful emotion not to be underestimated ) Hope you manage to resolve this all the best - Frank
Avatar universal
Just to add, The fact that he is forthcoming in info,to me is a sign that he is being truthful with his STD Status to you. Dont let this interfere with your life you have not got anything. Forget this and move on,It's the only way to go.Good Luck
Avatar universal
You may be right. I have certainly never felt so much guilt in my life.

I will try to relax... I paid for the tests this time instead of going to a free clinic, just to cut down the wait... but man, every day is a killer on my psyche. I have almost broken down to tell her more times than I can count, but I'm not sure it's the right thing to do... at least not yet...
Avatar universal
Don't let his ruin your life. learn from it and dont let it happen again would be my advice to you. You have not got any STD that can be passed on to your wife so.... take a deep breath promise yourself not to put yourself in that situation again and most of all put it in the past where it belongs and concentrate on your wife and marriage and make the most of your lives together. Good luck and be happy. Frank
Avatar universal
I don't know your situaton so I will try to give a few opinions here. (I will give my thoughts in her perspective)

If you and your wife have a beautiful relationship and have almost everything going right and , how can I say this ... and by you not being faithful will not put your children at risk (her being pg or breastfeeding) I wouldn't want to know. It seems as though your are being careful and take test normally, so I am sure that you use protection if it would go beyond oral, so I personallly would not want to know, at least now.

If you do love your family and the idea of your wife you should tell her. This is not anything bad, people grow apart all the time and it may have just happened. But you should not keep her strung along if all you want from her is a home, food and to care for your children. I would want to know because there are other options then getting a divorce and everyone going thier own ways.

If this is something that is totaly in the closet and she knows NOTHING of your desires for men, I wouldn't tell her (unless like I said before about the pg or breastfeeding). To find out 1. that your are stepping out on her would be a HUGE blow just in that an 2. with it being a man she may never be able to get over it EVER. I do not believe in lying but you have kept this secret until now so I wouldn't want to get hit by 2 sand bags at the same time, maybe if you NEED to tell her about the one she maybe able to forgive and forget someday, but I don't know about the 2. GOOD LUCK and God bless.
Avatar universal
mejoje --

We do have a beautiful relationship... but I have always been tempted by men, and fooled around now and then before we got married. She knows nothing of this. I've been tested 2 times since we've been together. This time marks the third. I'm confident that til now, I've been safe.

I did not mention this... but she is pregnant. And hence the suicidal thoughts. I cannot hide any positive results. We've only had sex once since the encounter, and it was very soon afterwards, when I was showing no symptoms. I'm praying like crazy that I was not infectious at that time.

But I'm aware I may have thrown it all away. I feel like a man on death row who might get his sentence commuted... or not. I'm loving and enjoying my family each day, knowing that later this week, they (or I) may be gone... figuratively or literally.

And even if all tests are negative, I have to come to terms with the fact that I cannot deny my attraction to men... but it MUST not result in contact. Ever again.

I have been a fool. My only hope is that someone else will read this and learn from my agony.

Avatar universal
Thanks for the input, doctor. And everyone else. I'm trying to be less anxious about things. I really do think I put everything on the line with this encounter, tho. It was a stupid thing to do.

I will hopefully have my results on Monday and then I can see my regular doctor about the minor discomfort I'm feeling (assuming all comes back negative).
Avatar universal
You WILL have negative test results, good luck in resolving the anxiety it's not easy but you CAN do it. Frank
Avatar universal
If I were you ...... don't do anything that could put your baby in danger (through your wife of course), but once you get your negitive results shower her with love. You can start now without contact, tell how beautiful she is, sit with her to watch your other children or tv, cuddle her. SHOW her how much you love her and without saying anything how sorry you are. Be with her. By giving all of your attention to her your guilt should taper off, you made a mistake which could have been a MAJOR one but you are choosing her and the kids so you ARE doing right by them. Give her some time alone... if the kids are old enough take them to Mcdonald's to eat and play or the park or to see your parents something to get the kids out for 1 hour every now and again so she can take a bath and not hear kids crying, or let her go shopping without the kids. Something else is to sat up a night out just the two of you and suprise her with it. You know what to do and will be fine, relax and enjoy your family! Hugs to you and God bless
Avatar universal
Good ideas mejojoe. In fact, I spent all weekend trying hard to be super-husband/dad, although it was hard, because my anxiety was making me short of breath at times... I looked sick, and everyone noticed that.

You all have really helped me put this in perspective. I suppose I have moved from being convinced that the test would show something to being confident that all will likely be OK. Another thing that has helped is that the urethral symptoms seem to have decreased tremendously. Maybe it was all psychosomatic... or maybe the tip of my urethra was aggravated by something else enough to cause minor pain for a couple of days... who knows.

As for seeking mental helath help... I think that's a no brainer. I need it. I really *was* suicidal... I always tend to prepare myself for the worst possible scenario... and to look my wife in the eye, and tell her she needs to get tested FOR AN STD, because I CHEATED ON HER, with A MAN, while she was PREGNANT... it really is hard to imagine doing anything more difficult. Still praying it won't come to that... but feeling more confident that all will be OK.

I'll let you all know what the test says.... even though you are all clearly convinced already! Wish I was...

I can't thank you all enough!
Avatar universal
Listen to me. You are being way to hard on yourself. You have ZERO ZERO ZERO chance of and genital STD. None. It is impossible to get a genital STD from giving oral 100 percent impossible. The ONLY POSSIBLE things you could have gotten are HSV-1 on the mouth or gonnorrea in the throat. And the risk of those would be too low to measure since they are so close to zero and only theorectical. Do not let this ruin your family. Live, learn and don't stray again.
Avatar universal
You guys were right -- negative for all STDs.

I was being too hard on myself... but I really do need to focus on my family and find a healthy, safe outlet for these same-sex desires. They're not going anywhere, but I need to keep all sexual contact exclusively between me and my wife.

Thanks all for the help!
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