i happened to chance upon this page because i was reading about masturbation and i was wondering if masturbation makes a man weak. And so far.. testimony after testimony shows this to be the case.
i come to you from a Christian perspective.
when i'm currently 28.i am from Singapore, raised in a chinese background. my parents are teachers. my mom's Christian. my dad wasn't then. When i was 11 i first got hooked on porn. it started with a simple strip polker game my friend played at his birthday party. then in pr6 , i found porn magazines in my parents room. i showed them to my brothers and sisters and i was hooked by the images. i had to watch and read some of the erotic literature.
at 12, i brought porn to school and got caught . was caned by the discipline master. my mom severely caned me because i was a disgrace to her as a teacher.
at 15-16 i watched porn and masturbated sometimes 3 times a day secretly while my parents were sleeping. i always felt the danger and excitement of watching porn. i became shy of girls and could not look them in the eye because of guilt that i may see them as just a sex object. my confidence in myself dipped. i didn't have that when i was a kid as i was jovial and had the desire to lead people. but after porn.i became poor in my studies. i became slack and lazy and had low confidence in my own abilities. i believed i was stupid because i took a long while to register anything in classes. i always felt i was in a dream world. but when i watched porn i felt alive and my own secret world developed.
at times i rationalized and asked myself.. these porn stars look souless. and masturbated to them anyway. i always always felt guilty after porn. and i tried to get rid of my collection then. when i was just 16. I was in a boys school and i used to laugh at guys who didn't watch porn and said they were probably gay.
at 18 i had my first sexual encounter with my then ex. i saw a girls breasts for the first time. but nothing went beyond kissing.
we were embarrassed and shy of our nakedness.
at 20 i had another gf of 6 years.
i was entering university. and thats when i joined campus crusade for Christ in NUS.
i petted with her we did everything outside of actual sex because we felt that sex was reserved for marriage. and so we deceived ourselves and comforted ourselves that anal sex wasn't real sex. these happened all while i was in church, and serving with campus crusade. i felt tt i was a hypocrite.
i never told anyone in my Christian circle in such detail about my history. but i got on along fine with my Christian walk with this main discrepency in my life. i felt like my mental capabilities plateaued. my walk with God and intimacy was superficial.
one day i decided to confess to one of my Christian leaders about my struggle with porn and masturbation. and then with compassion he took my hands and to my surprise he told me. my hands are clean. He told me these hands are clean.
It was then that i suddenly became reminded that im a son of God who is Holy and undefiled.
and at that point i remembered what i ought to be. That is a man who is Holy and up right to God.
That wasn't the end of my struggles. my relationship with my ex was dishonoring to God. though we didn't have sex, but we did everything else. and although i didn't have ED (thank God), but my conscience never let me go. i rationalized myself over a period of 5 years that its ok.
meanwhile, my relationship with family was bad, my sister felt like i had abandoned her after i had a rship w my gf.
i didn't have friends outside of my relationship w my gf.
i started to live around my gf's schedule.. and at times i felt emasculated as a man. i didn't know how to make decisions for myself.
i always let other people make those decisions for me.
it got to a point then when i started to join a prayer group in the morning at NUS flagpole. i was about 25 then.
God filled my life. I was in my final year of architecture and i didn't graduate with the rest of my cohort. people thought i was ok on the outside, i was serving actively and interacting with the other younger Crusaders. on the outside i was a Godly man. but i know better how wretched i was. but i never could admit it out of pride.
I always had the feeling i was robbed by porn and the addiction of masturbation and subsequently giving away my virginity to my gf whom i eventually broke up with. i was disappointed with myself because i wanted to reserve my virginity for my wife. my action conflicted with my belief.
things seemed to go on normally but when i sat down to think and reflect, i asked myself.. what am i doing? i felt defeated by sin. i felt like i had no right to advice people to holiness although deep down i wanted to be holy and clean on the inside.
a thousand times i fell, but His mercy remained.
the last time i watched porn was close to 2 years back.
the habit died when i told God, help me. and i made a clean break from my past and decided i wanted what God wanted.
how does a man crash into the rocks when he sails by the sirens? simple, he listens to a different tune.
The tune that God plays is of holiness, of righteousness and purity. While the world mocks at the existence of men and women who decide to keep their virginity for their partners because of their faith in a right and just God, i've seen after reading all the posts about ED how the Lord has preserved me from the embarrassment from the people who truly matter.. i have fallen many times still to masturbation, due to weariness, tiredness, stress, abit of loneliness .. but each time i fall, though the voices of condemnation assail me, but the word of God cuts down every single accusation and points me back to Jesus Christ who died so that we may no longer be slaves to sin.
how did i overcome my battle with pornography? it is by the mighty blood of Jesus Christ. it took me 16 years of fighting. and though i win majority of the battles in my mind that tempt me to sin, i am a fallible man because i know that without my Lord and Savior, i'm a prey for the demonic assaults in my head.
Repent brother, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.
I speak to you as one who has suffered as you have and has come out washed clean in the blood of Jesus which is no small cost.
May my words to you be as earnest council beseeching you to go counter to this world philosophy which preaches the Satanic doctrine of "do as you will".
Winning the war against pornography and masturbation is but the beginning.
think about how much you have lost as a result.
think about the other important relationships that have been neglected because of falling into tempation countless times. Be not deceived, the Lord never tempts nor is He subjected to temptation. Where then does temptation originate from but the father of lies himself.
Be of good cheer be strong and courageous. Repent for the kingdom of heaven is near. Too many mighty men of God have become like pawns when they were meant to be kings, knights, bishops and castles.