I'm wondering if anyone can help me with something a bit odd that goes on with my thoughts.
I'm already diagnosed BiPolar II, but am controlling it pretty well now with cognitive behavioural therapy. But there's a weird thought process I have that I've never mentioned to my psychiatrist because I'm just so used to it I barely notice myself doing it.
Today is my birthday, and when I asked my boyfriend if we could go to a particular place he replied "whatever you like babe". I then had to take just a second to make sure the people in my head understood that it's my birthday and I'm not a spoiled cow who just gets her way all the time. It's not voices, as such, in the sense that there's no internal sentence like "it's my birthday, I'm not just a cow" - it's difficult to explain, but it's sort of like I have to actively think about the fact that it's my birthday so the other people (they're not specific people, just faceless non-individuals) will pick up on me thinking it and understand. In the same way the other people don't "speak", as such - I'm just very aware sometimes of what they're thinking about, and occasionally I have to deliberately and slowly run through a particular thought process so they'll know what I know and understand why I'm doing or saying a particular thing. I'm only aware of this process maybe a couple of times a day, but I suspect it's almost constant without me really registering it. I obviously looked blank for a couple of seconds on this occasion because my boyfriend asked me what I was thinking about; I told him and he actually looked quite alarmed, hence my asking you about it here.
I do KNOW the people who are watching me aren't real, it's just that very occasionally I have to remind myself of that; I'll find myself standing a particular way in the shower to make me look better (pulling my stomach in or whatever), and once I realise that's what I'm doing I have to kind of tell myself there aren't really people watching me. I never have a problem convincing myself they're not real, though, if that tells you anything.
At this point I'm not conscious of the other people affecting me in any significant or negative way, and the people have been with me for as long as I can remember. It's only now I'm trying to work out how to explain it to you that I'm realising it does actually sound pretty strange - I just never thought about it before, but I'll have to pay more attention and see if I notice them stopping me doing things I want to or anything.
Can anyone tell me is this sounds familiar, or if it's normal and nothing to worry about?