i thought i would add this to my list of paranoia theres a little camera on my laptop i have a piece of paper taped on it because i KNOW those stupid cops are watching me through it i hate them so much why cant they just leave me alone i have never done anything to deserve cops fallowing me... :(
also lately i have had an extremely hard time telling what is real and what is not i often wonder if im even making people up and calling people that dont exist i question everyones reality o and i KNOW for a fact that my brother can read my mind he always knows exactly what im thinking so when im around him i have to focus so hard to not think about anything i dont want him to find out about
music is the only thing i know is real i often totally zone out and get lost in music i blast it in my ears and say this is real this is real this is real i know music is real its the only thing im 100% sure is real
and sometimes i hear buzzing or beeping like a car beeping when im nowhere near any cars at all the buzzing....i have no clue what it could be maybe the guy in black making a call to some else??? not sure
also the personality thing its like im trapped i see she hears but i control my body but sometimes shell tell me what to do and i think its a good idea so i do it its like im trapped there is two thought processes going on it in my head at once like there is someone else in my head were trapped together and we hate each other
Yes there is a lot you describe going on and its complex because psychosis can be part of ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) and dissociative identity disorder (which involves forming another identity separate from a person) which both can follow a traumatic event. However only a psychiatrist would be able to understand it in full but it would be essential to seek help. If you are experiencing any form of bullying or harassment at school it would be crucial to speak to the guidance counselor who could help as the same thing happened to me then and that was able to stop it. Perhaps there is a school psychiatrist who you could then speak to further. From there they could refer you to the appropriate counseling center and they could decide how to best help and treat you.
i dropped out of school and it cant be ptsd because most of whats going on has been happening since way before everything happened to me
If you can't speak to your family about it or they are unapproachable there should be a mental health clinic in your area. Google "NAMI" and then the state you live in and they should be able to provide you with some information. Schizophrenia is clinically complex and there are a variety of criteria for it such as positive symptoms (not as in good but as in things that shouldn't be there that are) such as hallucinations and delusions, negative symptoms (avoiding people and having trouble relating to them) and cognitive symptoms (difficulty processing and understanding ideas). There are also a variety of subtypes of schizophrenia. Some of what you describe has aspects of it but as psychosis occurs in a variety of psychiatric disabilities its complex but a psychiatrist would understand it in full. After you seek help once they provide a diagnosis they are some helpful books on the subject such as "Surviving Schizophrenia".
i think its paranoid schizo iv done a lot of research that fits very well but it could be DID im not sure i need help with trying to figure out which one i have im already seeing a psychiatrist/therapist hes trying to figure me out
keep seeing your psychiatrist eventually they will help you out so you can figure out what is wrong with you hang in there and be honest then you will get the help you need ok :)
i think things took a turn for the worst today...i saw a cop he was sitting there staring at me so i pulled out into the road to the light and looked behind me where he was and there was no sight of him...
and just a few mins ago i saw three people all dressed in black so they can hide in the shadows and the leader had red eyes and was staring right at me so i started walking to go inside and they fallowed me hiding in the trees by the trees and behind some bushes i need higher mg on my meds...my room is safer but not safe enough theyre coming to get me what do i do!?!?!?!?
I have schizophrenia. But, I would highly suggest, (I'm not saying this in a mean way) but... you need to get in a group with people that have your condition, and talk to them. Because, from an outsiders perspective, you are kind of making schizophrenia seem like something its not. Unless you are the girl, January. She sounds like you, except she was born with it. All I'm really trying to say, is you are making yourself sound bad by the way you explain things. Sure, by the way you write, and the things you write about, appear schizo but, please seek a group meant for people like you. It sounds to me like you are in a state of psychosis every time you write.
Schizophrenia happens differently for each person just like any mental illness. I'm not sure what she wrote however that made it sound like something it's not but then I skimmed through her posts because I have a diminutive attention span and didn't know what else to write aside from what everyone else had wrote and it's kind of pointless to write the same things other people wrote unless it's to stress a point or to confirm what they wrote. I take a guess by what you wrote that the girl January who was diagnosed with schizophrenia experiences it a lot differently than you which is to be expected but other people could possibly experience it that way if that is what she truly has. I only say this though because I experience some things with my schizophrenia that I think some people don't believe I experienced.
I don't think it's fair to say that she sounds bad in how she's explaining things. She's explaining things as she sees them, which is honest. As an "outsider", I don't have schizophrenia but I have family members that do, I don't think she's making schizophrenia sound like anything but what it is. And if she explains things like January, who HAS schizophrenia, then how on earth is she making it sound like something it's not? That makes no sense whatsoever. Like paranoid said, shizophrenia happens differently for each person. Your experience might be different from hers, and that's okay. Saying that she needs to find a group "meant for people like you" is a pretty harsh thing to say and isn't really helpful.
What she does need to do is keep working with her psychiatrist to get the help she needs, and she needs to feel in safe in coming here for support. This forum is for people to get reassurance and help from others that may know what she's going through, and the best way to do that is by being honest. Scared3339 is young and obviously overwhelmed by what's going on, and I applaud her for coming here and being so candid about what she's going through.